MISERY BLOG (Patreon)

Hello, loves. Thought I'd check in. Today we're filming our Christmas ghost hunt, and I know many of you will be pleased to hear that Eli's going to be joining us for it. No idea what's going to happen, but we're doing it in the dark, so that'll be terrifying.

Truth is, the last few weeks have been a touch challenging, coming on top of a year that has been one long challenge for a lot of us. 

I'm fortunate in that I don't tend to get anxiety. If I ever get down, it tends to pass pretty quickly, unless things are really bad. I know how many of you struggle with mental health issues, and I appreciate that I'm one of the fortunate ones. But... everyone has their limit, and the past few weeks have lobbed one brick at us after another, the peak of which was the bombshell last week that my dad has cancer. 

We've been told that it'll be a slow-moving thing, and as he's 85 they've said there's every possibility that he'll die from something else. I mean, as silver linings go, I've had better. What is also weighing on me is that my mum is going blind. She's struggling already to do things she could do easily just this time last year, and the worry is what happens to her if my dad isn't around any longer. It's really weighing on me. I hate seeing them this vulnerable and old.

Weirdly, the tipping point was trying to help my mum with her iPad the other day - her most treasured possession - and finding out that no matter how big we make the text, there's no way of improving her rapidly degenerating sight. I dunno. I just feel awful for her, and it kind of makes it worse that my mum puts on a brave face. She must be terrified.

What I feel fortunate about is that I've not been hit so hard that I can't do the things I love. Yesterday, Sanja and I spent about three hours recording podcast stuff, and for those three hours I forgot about everything else. It was lovely. We're doing a Christmas special of that, plus the Supernatural World, Christmas Shop Corner, and the Pant-Oh - this year we're going all out to try and bring a bit of light. But also, I think I need to keep busy.

I've no idea what Christmas is going to be like for our family; thanks to Covid we're unable to see everyone we want to see, and of course there's now going to be something else hanging over us, unspoken but ever-present. But we'll try to make the best of it. I hope you can too.

Paul