WHY I DIDN'T TAKE PART IN THE BLACKOUT (Patreon)

Hello, chums. 

Sorry to say, but I don't think the final instalment of the Monster Hunter video will be up until the weekend. Apologies for not keeping to the schedule, but I've been hit with a weird cold thing, and Sanja has a tooth infection (just what you need when all the dentists are closed), so we haven't felt like filming. Sorry again, but we'll do it today or tomorrow.

I'm working hard on the final Lost Footage in the meantime. Given that it's probably - possibly - going to be the last word in the whole Found/Lost Footage saga (at least in this form), I'm doing stuff with it that I've never attempted before. Some of it you've seen already, but the rest of it will remain under wraps, given that this is very much intended to be enjoyed as a whole piece. It's turning into my Dark Side of the Moon!

I've even found a way to incorporate that Anthem track I uploaded recently, when I realised it was the perfect bookend to the music Chris JC wrote for the end. 

Aaaanyhow...

IN OTHER NEWS...

This has been a pretty horrible week hasn't it? It really does feel like 2020 is some sort of tipping point. Covid-19 has torn open a wound and exposed the chronic inequality that exists in the world, and so much long-simmering tension and division. 

There's something about the protests that feels inevitable. I don't even blame Trump for it - this goes back centuries - but his actions, who he is, how he behaves, has stoked embers that have been smouldering for far too long. I fear what will happen in November, whether he wins or loses. 

I resisted the urge to join in with the whole blackout thing that happened on Tuesday, hoping my (relative) silence wouldn't be seen as not wanting to do it, or that I'm not a supporter of the cause. It's more that I want to find ways to genuinely help. I have a platform, of sorts. How do I use that? 

Plus, having just put up a song (Don't Be Racist) that was very much a commentary on empty platitudes, I worried it might make me a hypocrite if I thought posting a black square on my social media accounts was sufficient. Y'know: done my bit... I've helped fix racism... now walk away, go back to my bubble of safety... until the next time. 

Of course, many decided to respond to this with the unnecessary, point-missing, reminder that all lives matter, accusing companies and individuals of virtue signalling... Thus underscoring precisely why a change needs to happen. We have to make them understand.

Racism was a lot more overt when I was growing up. My kids have, thankfully, grown up with friends from very diverse backgrounds. I feel proud that I've raised them right. I'm proud that yesterday my step-daughter went to Hyde Park to show her support. But it still isn't enough. My generation needs to admit its complicity, and show them that we can accept we got it wrong.

As recent years have shown, racism didn't go away. White privilege continued. White supremacy rose up again. It was always there. It just took someone like Trump to encourage it all back to the surface. 

HEAVY

The events in America have sat heavily with me. Seeing Trump and his cronies walking to that church - all of them white - made me feel sick. I felt suddenly very, very complicit in a system; it was like I saw my part in it all. Exposed. It no longer feels normal, or right, or decent, to simply accept the overwhelming whiteness of our governments and institutions. We're keeping other human beings subjugated. It's wrong. It's inequality. 

As a white, straight, man, I know I'm the ultimate example of privilege, but I've been trying to think how that may have made me complicit, without me ever realising. The rage, the frustration, that has been pouring out this week has made me feel very uncomfortable about who I am. Yes, that's white guilt... but we are guilty. The British Empire was founded on slavery. America, as a British colony, was founded on slavery. The first police force in America was established purely to hunt down slaves. This hasn't come from nowhere.

As many have said, it's no longer enough not to BE racist. You have to be ANTI-racist. 

Certainly, I've not done enough in my life to be actively anti-racist, and I work in an industry that is predominantly white. Though every show I've ever worked on has featured black talent on screen - 4 O'Clock Club is one of the most ethnically diverse shows CBBC has ever produced, and was co-created by me with a mixed race writer (Doc Brown) - behind the scenes, pretty much everyone working on it is white. 

In part, that's due to what is a limited pool of talent with the necessary experience - CBBC has been good in encouraging BAME talent, and I've been part of a couple of schemes to that effect, but it takes years to reach a level where you can keep up with the production demands of such a show. 

Or so I've been told... 

I've also been in writers rooms where BAME writers have been invited along - with no intention of them ever being offered a script commission - because (and this is a genuine quote) it's "good for the optics". 

It's a fact I know hardly any writers from ethnic backgrounds. Even fewer producers and directors. The industry isn't a reflection of diversity in the UK.

And yet at the same time, if I really, really, really took a long, hard look at myself - as I have been this week - I'd be lying if there wasn't part of me that does kind of worry about what it means for my career. 

Writing for TV is hard enough... am I increasingly going to find commissions more difficult to come by, because I'm white? I already got told by my agent not to bother applying to write on Doctor Who, because I no longer tick the right demographic boxes that they're looking for, even with 20 years experience writing TV, and a bunch of my own shows under my belt. 

But as hard as it is for me to admit, when I worry about that, even if it's only a small, almost inaudible, worry that I immediately dismiss the second I feel it... THAT'S white privilege. I hope that the thing which separates me from the racists is that I know it's wrong to feel that way, and that I hate that I have even that germ of it in me.

I know it's me fearing losing what I've had... because it hasn't been a level playing field. I'm white. The people who commission me are white. And on some level we're all complicit. We all have to be better. I have to be better. We can't ignore this any longer. 

Paul