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So Lost (Patreon)

Published:
2021-04-09 15:24:01
Imported:
2024-04
Tags:

Content

Wow I didn't think I would ever be on here again! 

I have had so much drama lately that it has changed me and my perspectives on life...

I do not know what to do with this part of my life that use to be so constant!

I am so shocked to see so many of you still here supporting me even though I have not put out new content for so long!

You are my true supporters and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I miss this part of my life but I am unsure of how to come back...I just do not know what to do and I am still trying to figure so much of my personal life out still...

I can't expect you to support me indefinitely without me giving you something in return though...

But I am lost...and I can't see the way back right now but I just wanted to thank you for being here through some of my darkest days...though I have been completely silent, you are still here!! 

Comments

Steve Bradee

I'm so happy to know you are still on this planet, beautiful motivator ! So good to see the support from others as well. You’ve shared so much, you are the one who needs something in return! I only started visiting your site(s) this February, but found a connection that will last my entire life. I must share with you and all others here: There was quite a long period of time (nearly 10 years) when I just kept digging the deepest, darkest hole that I could never get out of. I certainly hope you do not find and try to use the shovel I just threw away... Finding your DIY stething videos immediately had me searching the internet for Cardiophilia and things related. You inspired me to make a recording device and finally "talk to" my true/primal self 💓💓💓. In your absence I continued my DIY stething and made some other recordings. I've discovered when, how and why I started on my path to uncontrolled "anxiety" and isolation that slowly worsened over time (no matter how many “professionals” / ”experts” I went to see). It was my heart! In 2009 my father-in-law passed away suddenly (he wasn’t the shining image of health, but the thought of him dying never occurred to me). He and I were very close. My son was two years old at the time and also close to his Grandpa. In fact, everyone who ever met the guy would love him! I set up most all the arrangements for his funeral and especially the reception afterward. I was almost amazed that so many people attended. Almost... like I said, everyone loved “Fred”. The day after the funeral I was so “mad” that Fred had just up and left us, especially my two year-old boy (we had already lost his other Grandpa too soon). I dusted off my mountain bike and just started riding it - hard. The idea of me dying so soon and leaving my son and wife behind was not an option (I was somewhat overweight, didn’t eat all that healthy, etc.). I rode that bike at least 4x a week for a few years and dropped 80 lbs in the 1st year. Each time I rode I pushed myself to go a little faster to get to the top of that hill. Years later, my new doctor (now) had me take a few EKGs and scans to verify what he thought may be an enlarged heart (seems to be the case). I now look back and recall that about a year after my father in law passed is when I slowly started having “anxiety” issues. On one particular day I remember filling in for a colleague in a meeting and having to answer questions about some issues I was not fully familiar with. Normally, I could deal with these types of things by using educated BS and just get through it. That day, however, my mind and body went into a panic mode. My frustration turned into confusion and dismay. I had never experienced anything like that before. And from there it just worsened, to the point that I didn’t even leave my house or see/call friends and family. I was lost for years! After watching some of your heartbeat videos with breath-holds, etc. I really started trying to change my heart rate / pressure. That’s when I figured it out! The normal anxiety I had and could always deal with changed when I started enlarging my heart 🫀. My brain 🧠 was just being overwhelmed by the extra blood flow when my “fight or flight” mechanism kicked in. This caused a chain reaction that just turned into horrible “anxiety”/”panic” attacks that held me back for the better part of ten years. After some trial and error I was amazed to find I could instantly drop my systolic blood pressure and heart rate by taking in a massive breath of air and holding, squeezing my heart - by as much as 60mmHg and 10+ bpm - crazy! Stething and doing this and other “heart/lung” exercises (and watching your videos, of course) has helped me learn how to use my heart to control, lessen and even prevent anxiety events/attacks (my candy dish full of Xanax has nearly been left untouched lately). So, Thank you so much! You’ve truly saved my life! If there is anything I could ever do to make your day(s) a little brighter, let me know. Do not hesitate! 💓💓💓 -Steve

HappyHeartbeats

Wow-I'm speechless and so thankful to hear about this! Incredible!