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Sneak Preview: Salvos (Patreon)

Published:
2020-11-01 03:15:01
Imported:
2021-02

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Hello, this has been a side project I've been working on ever since I finished the rewrite for Melas. It's another story: a litRPG Fantasy with a non-human lead. A real Strong Lead. And obviously, an action story. It will be rather different from Melas, and I was hoping to get your guys' impressions of it before I release it on RR on November. 

It's called Salvos, and it's a story that follows a Demon named Salvos from her birth in the Netherworld and how she slowly evolves over time. 

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, however I would especially like to know what you think of Chapter 0. I tried writing in a different style for it, and I'm not sure whether I like it. Does it feel too pretentious? Too edgy? Do you feel like such a style would repel new readers once I start publishing it on RR? Let me know what you guys think!

Comments

Markus

Chapter 2 says [Available Skill Points: 0], shouldn't that be 1 available?

MelasD
>>46981635

You are correct. Man, I really need to get used to working with Status screens XD

Anonymous

Tbh I don't really dig litrpgs in general; most do it wrong like having bloated infoboxes. They tend to distract from the action/plot of the story and don't really serve a purpose. its more like flavor text added onto a story. when I was reading Kumo the litrpg stuff was out of place, granted it did have a purpose in the text, survival and *spoilers* D creating a system to stabilize the planet. But soon after that aspect of the novel is replaced by godhood and what not. and all the effort put into the litrpg was kinda wasted, the litrpg element was still somewhat important cus the goal was to tear it down and provide stability to the planet again. but most of all the web novel was bloated with chapters of statistics that could be avoided if the story hadn't been a litrpg. I do recommend Kumo as a fan, but the litrpg elements of that novel do not draw people in it was mostly the main characters doing. mind you I belive that kumo is the best litrpg i have read so far and it not because of any fancy status screens and the like. most people will ignore stuff like status screens and infoboxes so just keep it in mind. kumo feels like the closest thing I read to this extract, I can kinda see some similarities to it: starting from birth and going through daily life afterwords. ngl i think that this story will also have a long prologue like kumo (btw the prologue is the time in the cave) I'm not too excited about that tbf.

Anonymous

my reason to remove chapter 0, is that I don't really like it as a starting point to a novel. I wouldn't mind having it be a flashback but as a start nah. i don't think it is essential to have it there I mean we are supposed to follow salvo on her journey it kinda feels jarring to have it someone currently unrelated to her as a point of view so early on. i don't think it will be a bad idea to include this scene in the story later on like after she evolves a few time. also I think the first page is completely unessesary its like telling someone what this story is about rather than telling the story. but idk I'm probably wrong this is just my own honest opinion so take it how you like.