Oh Ohwhatawoman (Patreon)

I disappeared again for a while, the last week and a half turned out to be emotionally difficult for me, this is due to my internal female changes....

First, I will digress and say that at some point I stopped reposting news about the war and the complete shit that the government that is currently suppressing my state is doing. Because my audience does not need to be told where white is and where black is, and yet I have always thought of my content as entertainment, content for inspiration. Therefore, I decided not to stop, because I myself needed a place where I could go and continue my life and development. And naturally I wanted to return such a place for my audience, and thereby showing them to go fuck themselves, they will not get my life and my audience.

Well, my audience is 90 percent people from all over the world. The rest are my Russian friends, just adequate people. I don't need to teach my audience any political movement, I spoke out for a while, some people left. Everyone is reading the news, I will not open new trash, I just want to continue building my name, which one day will be able to really do significant political actions. Nothing is forgotten, no one is forgotten!

And so and about a week and a half… I'll start with the good news that in exactly 2 weeks I will be in Paris, I have already booked a place, so I won't change my tickets for sure) It seems to me that at some point I started to engage in some kind of perfectionism like I'm not fucking enough to go there, and right now I'll record songs, and right now I'll become a star and only then....... That's enough in short, time and the world is going on now, not tomorrow.

I quit smoking, I don't smoke for these 2 weeks, I won't say that I was some kind of super smoker, but mostly I did it at parties and before going to bed, I smoked cigarettes, just turned off in my head and went to sleep, in short it was my sedative or sleeping pills. Of course, when your body gets used to sleeping after a certain ritual, a smoking ritual, then it's damn difficult to start sleeping normally afterwards. In general, my usual regime moved for a week and a half somewhere else, as I have not lived yet, it is to fall asleep 6-7 in the morning and wake up in 3-4 days, I was in shock and could not do anything. It has been raining in Tbilisi for the past week and a half. I also had a Booster, bought an orthopedic pillow, quit smoking and all in one day. My body was not ready for such a sharp rapid transition of everything and everything at once from what, it would seem, such trifles. But it lowered my own sense of self and life. And at such moments, questions come to which none of the people have answers, and why do we live, and who am I? These questions are very difficult to answer, they only take away energy and lead to a state of learned helplessness, as if you find yourself in a room from which you cannot leave, and there is no way out of it, you just need to switch the track) Perhaps this is such a reverse medal of creative consciousness, it is better to direct this consciousness into a creative channel or asking questions of the universe, as if going into a dark cosmos, to leave crumbs for yourself or to hang bells so that they will shine and bring you back. I also want to make an important note, I don't smoke marijuana, well, it's very rare if someone lets in a joint at a party and I'll take one breath of altered consciousness, and it's fucking enough for me. I don't drink so much wine, well, in short, I mean that the questions of the universe are my natural manifestations)

https://open.spotify.com/track/55zEIQ3ItYYTAoos7dyfeg?si=9b0497f893bd40b0

The release of the first track is emotionally difficult, because you go through all these paths for the first time, the sound from each hole sounds different, one way from the phone, another one in headphones, where is the true sound? Of course, the child inside you wants to upload the track, and it immediately climbed all the top charts, as proof that you're doing everything cool and right, and you have to explain to this inner dude like dear and beloved, creativity is not about the best or right, it's about enjoying the process itself: you sort of preserve it in a jar, like in a track, and just share it with people, this is your pleasure, so that they too enjoy or experience something, some will like, someone won't, and that's fine, don't look for problems, please) Yes, you are releasing music more seriously now, you present it as a product, already on music streaming, there's still a bunch of things to fill in. I'm just some kind of creative slave of Internet giants, wow, look at me, I got a page on another platform and it's funny and scary, but it's also cool that there is freedom of speech, freedom of creative output, I wanted to create, I wanted to post, if I want to be listened to, I will promote, the main thing is not to take a position hopelessness)

Oh well, we get to the most important layer of the cake, this is my favorite PMS, which also fell on these unusual 1.5-2 weeks, a sleeping Christian Mary wakes up inside me and begins her preaching, with the bitch is only listened to by me. Oh Masha, why you started filming naked, you're just selling your body. It's low, you're fallen, you just didn't want to work hard, you started selling your body, you're deceiving yourself, you don't like it..... That's why you don't have a partner, no family, no apartment, and so on. Yes, I do sometimes worry about my photos, because sometimes I find myself not among my own people, or people who want to find my sore spots and start trying to undermine my self-belief. like selling books with naked photos is easy, you don't need to consider yourself an artist because of this. or that I won't find a normal relationship, because I'm a creator on onlyfans, I think at such moments like, fuck, first of all, I'm not looking for anyone, why should I imagine some kind of future that should be bad for me, just because some outsider is trying to impose his thought on me. Usually women try to convey such experiences to me, but I don't blame them, but on the contrary, I understand that this is some kind of disease, perhaps it is not purely feminine, but generally human, to worry about what you are doing and loving now because some non-existent person may not like it. I realized that I need the same brave and creative partner who wants to share my beauty with me, my idea of creativity, my courage, wants to enjoy it like me, and not be afraid and try to destroy what scares him. I remember in my relationship which ended 2-3 years ago, we had a mutual friend, but more it was a friend of my ex-boyfriend, and he once told us that he would not date me, because here I sell books with my naked photos. Fuck dude, did someone offer?))) He shared his experience that his wife lost virginity with him, but the first kiss was not with him, and he suffered for a long time, well, what can I say is his free choice to suffer for what reason, and mine to engage in naked art, and also because of this sometimes suffer, but also this experience I give a place inside myself, because I'm just a person, I'm not a machine, that's when I become a machine, maybe my worries will go away)

In short, I will say that it is difficult for me to deal with myself, and now there was some stage of transformation and experience, reinvention, and this is certainly not dancing in a bar or writing music for my own pleasure. I will discuss this with a psychologist tomorrow. I think this is some kind of meeting with myself, where you need to survive in a storm and not to lose yourself.

Friends, thank you for subscribing to my patreon and reading it, thank you for your time and subscription, I really sincerely appreciate it, happy to share my story with you. And more of my beautiful nude photos you can find here

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