C349 Spider-Man (Patreon)

Wade Wilson walked through the entrance of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children, a dimly lit bar tucked away in a quiet corner of the city.

He wore a simple set of clothes with a paper bag adorned his head, a sad-looking frown drawn on the front alongside eye and mouth holes.

With each step, he dragged his friend, Peter Inside, who had been unsuccessfully assisting him in apprehending Francis, the sadistic man responsible for his ugly transformation.

Inside the bar, Wade's heavy footsteps echoed against the wooden floor, the only sound breaking the silence were the many patrons inside, drinking and chatting amongst one another.

And as they made it fully into the bar, panic instantly spread throughout the room as the criminal clientele caught sight of Spider-Man's unmistakable figure.

In a flurry of movement, the customers abandoned their drinks and scrambled to escape, fearing that the arrival of the web-slinger signaled their impending doom.

“What the... Hey! You didn’t pay your bill!” Weasel, the well-known bartender, and friend of Wade, called out in confusion, wondering why everyone was evacuating the place so abruptly. “What the hell is going on-”

[Insert picture of Weasel here]

As Peter's figure rounded the corner, Weasel found himself frozen behind the bar, his mind racing with thoughts of potential arrests. After all, almost everything about this establishment was illegal.

It was practically a guild for Mercenaries, where anyone could pick up or put out a contract for all sorts of dirty work.

However, before fear could fully grip him, Wade slid onto a vacant stool at the bar. "Sex on the Beach." He ordered in a crestfallen tone.

Recognizing Wade's distinct voice, Weasel's shock only increased.

He was elated to see his friend alive and well, or as well as someone wearing a paper bag over their head could be. “Wade! You’re alive?” His eyes darted to Peter, still uncertain of the famous hero's intentions.

“Don’t worry about Spidey. He’s not here on business.” Wade quickly vouched for him. “And yes, I’m alive. Did you think I would die so easily?”

“If he’s not here on business, then why is he here?” Weasel asks as he continued to eye the hero warily.

Wade gestured to Peter, who took a seat beside him at the bar. “Spidey here saved me from some pretty nasty torture and the life of a slave that would’ve come afterward.”

Curiosity got the better of Weasel as he leaned over the bar, his gaze fixed on Wade's concealed face.

“Uhh, okay. I’m guessing all of this has to do with that creepy guy who you met with last month, but I just have a couple questions.” Weasel leaned over the bar with a mix of concern and morbid curiosity. “Why are you wearing a paper bag over your head? And where the hell have you been?”

After all, there had been a lot of people cashing in on their bets from the dead pool, thinking Wade had met his demise.

Wade's voice oozed with sarcasm, as per usual, as he explained that some so-called miracle workers had promised to cure his cancer, but instead, they had left him looking like a burn victim.

His cancer was no longer an issue, but now he had a face that could launch a thousand nightmares.

“Can I see it?” Weasel asked curiously.

“No!” Wade swiftly refused as he chugged his drink through a small mouth hole in the paper bag.

“Come on...” Weasel whined like a kid. “Just show me already. You can’t hide your ugly mug forever.”

“No, it’s-”

Before Wade could say anything more, a mischievous grin spread across Peter's face as he reached over and yanked the paper bag off.

Weasel's eyes widened, a mixture of shock and amusement taking over. “You look like a burnt Mr. Potato Head...”

Unable to resist his comedic instincts, he couldn't help but crack a few jokes about Wade's unconventional appearance.

“It's like someone ran over a possum and then set it on fire.” Weasel couldn’t stop himself.

Peter joined in. “Like a mole rat with acid burns.” He said, ignoring the glare that Wade was giving him.

“Like a hairless dog with skin cancer...”

“Like a cat that wasted a few of its lives playing in a fireplace...”

“Like a fish that got...”

“Like a...”

Peter and Weasel went back and forth, roasting Wade’s new appearance viciously.

“Are you done?” Wade asked, fed up with both of them.

“Yeah...” Weasel nods, staring at Wade in concern. “Are you okay?”

He may have made some jokes, as that was the basis of their friendship, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Wade nods. “I just need to catch the f*cker that did this time me so he can fix it.”

“Don’t worry.” Peter pats Wade on the shoulder a few times. “He won’t be able to run for long. We’ll get him next time.”

With everything out in the open and the initial shock wearing off, Wade's attention shifted to a pressing concern.

“Where’s Vanessa?” He asks, staring straight at Weasel. “I checked the apartment and she wasn’t there.”

It had been almost a month since he last saw his fiancé, and he had no idea where she might be.

Weasel sighed. “Well, since you disappeared without saying anything, she was obviously crushed and heartbroken.” He explained.

“...” Wade’s head dropped downward, staring at the bottom of his glass.

Weasel continued, his tone growing more serious. “After a couple weeks of waiting for you to come back, she ran out of money and had to start working again. She took a job at a pretty popular Strip Club. Last I heard, she was making a few thousand a night.”

Vanessa chose that path instead of returning to her former life as a prostitute.

She didn't have the means or skills to support herself otherwise, and the choice between working at a minimum-wage job or dancing her way to financial stability had been an easy one.

“Here...” Weasel scribbled down an address on a piece of paper, passing it to Wade with a sympathetic look. “That’s where she works.”

As Wade took the paper, he felt a mix of emotions wash over him. Relief, anticipation, and a renewed determination to find the woman he loves and explain himself.

But not before he was back to his old handsome self.

“I hate to say this because I know that you don’t want her to see you like this, but...” Peter spoke up, drawing Wade's attention away from the paper in his hand.

“What?” Wade asks as he stashed the address in his pocket.

“Francis knows about Vanessa, right?” Peter asked, receiving a nod in return. “Then shouldn’t we be moving her to a safe location? Francis may try to use her against you, especially when he learns that we’re searching for him.”

The same thing happened in the first Deadpool movie. Wade was an idiot who forgot that his enemies could go after his loved ones at any time.

Suddenly, realization dawned on Wade as he dropped his empty glass, which shattered on the wooden floor.

“Hey! You have to pay for that!” Weasel admonished, as otherwise it would be taken out of his pay.

Ignoring the angry bartender, Wade practically jumped out of his seat and rushed to the door. And of course, Peter was quick to follow him out.

“Wait!” Weasel shouted. “You didn’t pay!”

——————————————

Outside the bar, Wade found a good-looking car and broke it open before hopping inside and hot wiring it.

“Seriously?” Peter asked with a sigh. “You know I can just portal us there, right?”

“...” Wade froze for a moment before hopping out of the car and looking at Peter expectantly. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go.”

His future wife could be in danger so he didn’t have time to waste.

“The address.” Peter said as he held out his hand.

“Here...”

———————————————

In a dimly lit strip club bathroom, where the air was heavy with the stench of stale beer and sweat, a golden portal opened, revealing Peter and Wade, who was once again wearing his paper bag.

“We’re here.” Peter says as he holds his nose from the foul stench of the place. “Though I wish we weren’t.”

Unlike Peter, Wade sniffed the air without any trouble. “Ah, the unhygienic stench of desperation and loneliness. This is definitely a Strip Club.”

“Alright, how are we doing this?” Peter asks. “Are you taking the lead or what? Because someone needs to explain to her what’s going on.”

“Well...” Wade didn’t sound very confident. “I was thinking that we could kidnap her and hold her somewhere until Francis is taken care of.”

“...” Peter just looked at him in silence for a moment. “You would rather put the woman you love through a frightening kidnapping than simply tell her what’s going on?”

“Yes.” Wade nods his head, unashamed by his answer.

“And you refuse to reveal yourself?” Peter asked and received another nod in return. “Sigh, why must you make everything so complicated...”

A/N: 1524 words :)