Twitter Story: First Day (Patreon)

“Come with me, little one, and hop up on the changing table.  I’ll give you a boost.  Lie down.  Good job!

Yes, I know you say you’re a big kid.  And I know you said it was just gas.  But those volunteers all the way from the local high school said that they thought they smelled something more than just a toot, so I’m going to check.

No need to be embarrassed, little one. You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.  And the other babies don’t care what you’ve got under your shorts.

Hm? Oh, you know what I mean! Well, a big kid wouldn’t care either. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about or make fun of you for, and anyone who would make fun of you isn’t very mature.  Now let’s get those undies off.

Oh! They’re all clean and dry! Good job!  Very good!  Now let’s unfold this fresh diaper and help put it on you, just in case.

Now, now. No whining!  I said ‘just in case’, didn’t I?  Honestly, it’s just a diaper.  If you’re a big kid and don’t need it, then you can just come get me or one of the volunteers and ask to be taken to the potty. But if you do need it and have an accident, then that’s okay too, and you won’t be in trouble.

Now, be mature about it and stop squirming like a baby.  Legs up.  That’s right! Good! Oh, looks like you’re a little red down there. Kinda rashy, almost.  Maybe someone is wiping too hard, or not wiping hard enough. No worries. That can be tricky.  Let me put some cream on your bum, just in case.  It’ll make it so you don’t feel so itchy after you poop.  

I didn’t say ‘poop your pants’, silly!  Stop assuming things!  

Next let’s put some powder all over you, so you don’t chafe and you smell good! Won’t that be nice?  Baby powder feels really good for a diaper change with how it makes your skin feel nice and dry, doesn’t it?  

Good.  

Hold still.

And now we just pull the diaper up and over.  Tape-tape-tape.  Tape-tape-tape.  All done.  Let’s get you down. Good job!  I bet that feels so much better!  You were very mature and grown-up!  Now go play, little one.

No, I’m not going to put your shorts back on.  You’re clearly very smart, and I don’t want you trying to take your diaper off and hiding it.  I’ll just fold them up and put them in this cubby I made just for you. I’ll put them up and slip them on the bottom of the stack of just-in-case diapers I made for you.  Don’t worry.  They’re only just-in-case.  

You’re still VERY big.  This is just to be on the safe side.

Your underwear?  Oops! I just threw them in the diaper pail out of habit.   Don’t worry.  It’s not your fault.   See? Even grown-ups can make mistakes.  You won’t get in trouble.  Pinky promise.

Here. Have a bottle of juice as an apology.  We’re all out of juice boxes and sippy cups, but I know you won’t throw a tantrum over it.  There we go! Well done!  Now finish it and go play with the other babies.  

Oh don’t be so dramatic, you silly little thing! Just go play!”

(Three Hours Later)

“Hello, baby. How can I help you? Potty? Hold on, let me check.  Hm? No. Dry and clean. You’re fine for now. Go play.

Hm? Oh you want to go to the bathroom! You want to use the potty! I don’t think you’re ready for potty training just yet, sweetie.

How do I know? You’re wearing a diaper and you don’t even have anything on over it. That doesn’t sound like something a big kid would wear, does it?

Okay, fine. I’ll check real quick.”

(Three minutes later)

“I don’t see any kind of potty training chart with your name on it, your cubby is full of diapers, and our volunteers told me they saw you get your diaper changed.

Just in case?  Oh that’s silly.  Diapers aren’t for just in case.  Pull-Ups are. And you’re not ready for those, silly.

Who should I ask?  Oh, I’m sorry, baby.  They just clocked out for the day and didn’t mention anything about you being a big kid.  They told me they just changed all the babies before I came in.  That’s why you’re in a clean diaper.

Now go play.  Or would you rather I put you down for a nap?

Awww, honey, don’t cry.  It’s just a nap. Nothing to be upset over.  Even grown-ups take naps sometimes.

What’s that stinky smell?  Uh oh.  I thought you said you were a big kid. It’s okay.  You’ll get there in good time.  

Now, come with me, little one, and hop up on the changing table.  I’ll give you a boost.  Lie down.  Good job!”


Author's Note that I won't put anywhere else.  Fun Fact: This scenario is loosely based on something that happened to me a long long time ago.