Interview #4 InkSpot Interview: Charles McGregor [Full Text Transcript] (Patreon)

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"I believe we create our own destinies. Believing solely in fate discredits your own merits.” - CHARLES MCGREGOR

In his life-long pursuit of knowledge, Professor Charles McGregor has made his mark on the minds of many. Despite his outward appearance, he’s known by many players for his emotional outburst and suspicious behavior.

Sitting down with Professor McGregor was not an easy feat. Outsmarting him was not an option, so I had to get creative for this one. With the help of a disguise and access into a local Sugardale therapist’s office, I was able to conduct Inkspot’s first ever undercover interview. Despite the lengths taken to secure this faux-evaluation, McGregor’s sharp wit and observational skills nearly compromised it all. Read along as I navigate this difficult encounter, below.

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PROFESSOR CHARLES MCGREGOR: Oh, excuse me, I must be in the wrong room-

PRETTY INK: You’re not, actually. Charles McGregor, correct?

MCGREGOR: Yes…? And you are?

INK: Dr. Letoa’s stand in for today. He had an emergency, but left his patients in my care while he’s away.

MCGREGOR: That seems like a HIPAA violation… He never informed me of this change-

INK: He was in a huge rush, there really wasn’t much time to contact his patients about the change. So we did what we thought was best. I can assure you Charles, you’ll be in good hands with me.

MCGREGOR: …I will just wait until he’s back. But thank you.

INK: If you’re concerned about HIPAA, I do have a document you signed at the start of your treatment. You authorized the disclosure of information to Dr. Letoa’s practice, and that includes me. I understand your hesitancy, but I recognize that these sessions are very important for you…

We don’t know when Dr. Letoa will be back, and it’s my professional opinion that it’s best to stay on course.

MCGREGOR: What was your name again?

INK: Uh… You can call me Dr. Pretty.

MCGREGOR: Doctor… Pretty…

INK: Are you insulting my surname, professor?

MCGREGOR: Not at all… I’ve just never heard it before.

INK: Well, it’s a unique name, what can I say? Let’s not get caught up on me… We’re here for you. Please, take a seat we have a lot to go over.

MCGREGOR: We do?

INK: Yes, it’s the start of the year, so we have to go over your treatment plan and evaluation. It’s a great way for me to get to know you better, and also reflect on your past year of treatment with Dr. Letoa.

MCGREGOR: Alright then…

INK: Great! Let’s start with your past… Tell me about your childhood, would you have considered yourself a happy child?

MCGREGOR: My childhood was fine.

INK: Just fine?

MCGREGOR: Clearly, you haven’t had a chance to read over my file, have you, Dr. Pretty?

INK: I’ve read enough…

MCGREGOR: And what did you learn from that?

INK: I think I’m supposed to be the one asking questions here.

MCGREGOR: Good therapy is an open dialogue, don’t you agree?

INK: Well, yeah but-

MCGREGOR: And so keeping this exchange purely one-directional won’t really serve any purpose for me, your patient, if you’re the only one asking questions, would it?

INK: …Fuck.

MCGREGOR: Excuse me?

INK: Nothing… Nothing, listen, Charles, I’m just trying to get an understanding of who you are in your own words. I can read that gigantic novel of a file and learn everything I need to, but it won’t replace the voice, the life that you can bring to it.

I don’t want you to feel uneasy discussing personal matters with me. I’m a doctor, you can trust me.

MCGREGOR: Do you mind emailing me your credentials after this?

INK: Whatever you want. I just want your candid, honest answers. Please.

MCGREGOR: Fine… As I said before, my childhood was alright. I was independent from a young age, so I didn’t have many friends, though my hobbies kept me occupied.

INK: When you were younger, what did you want to grow up to be?

MCGREGOR: When I was 4 I wanted to be famous. I liked the idea of having an entourage of friends and people who wanted to be around you, but by the time I reached 9 I’d decided on becoming a medicinal chemist.

INK: That’s quite the jump… What type of student were you, growing up?

MCGREGOR: I was diligent with my studies, often tested out of classes, had to skip a few grades to stay challenged.

INK: Were you valedictorian of your high school graduating class? Did you receive any scholarship offers?

MCGREGOR: I was, yes. And I did.

INK: And your relationship with your parents?

MCGREGOR: It was also fine, we got along fairly well.

INK: Fairly?

MCGREGOR: They were older. So there were generational gaps that were far greater than any other typical child’s at the time, but nothing notable enough to harp on.

INK: That generational gap— Do you feel that it’s followed you around in your life? I know you were younger than your peers when you first attended Sugardale U, did you experience any added social pressures because of it?

MCGREGOR: Naturally. I’ve always felt that I’d just stopped short of their acceptance. I’ve had to learn to adapt quickly to my environment growing up, so college wasn’t any exception.

INK: What advice would you give your younger self if you could?

MCGREGOR: People who use you are not your friends.

INK: Would this have anything to do with your time at Sugardale U?

MCGREGOR: If you read my file, I’m sure you’d find your answer, Dr. Pretty.

INK: I-I did read it.

MCGREGOR: You implied you skimmed it. Believe it or not, Dr. Pretty, I’ve heard similar excuses in my classroom from students who don’t do satisfactory work. I’m starting to doubt you are as qualified as you claim you are.

INK: Okay, well, I am. I had short notice to prepare so I’m doing the best I can. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t insult my credentials and let me finish this inter- I mean, continue learning more about you.

MCGREGOR: Right…

INK: Back to SU… What influenced your decision to attend?

MCGREGOR: They offered the best financial aid package of the schools I’d applied to, and the location was very close to my own home.

INK: What did you major in? Did you ever switch majors?

MCGREGOR: I was always a Chemistry Major, with a Physical Chemistry concentration and minor in Math

INK: Where and when did you attend Grad School? What is your post-baccalaureate degree in?

MCGREGOR: Is this a job interview?

INK: No, just answer the question Charlie.

MCGREGOR: I don’t see how my educational history relates to my current treatment.

INK: Perhaps you should just trust my methods. I’m trying to help you, you know.

MCGREGOR: …I attended Swiss Meringue for a Masters in Physical Chemistry. I’m currently working on my Ph.D. while I teach courses at SU.

INK: That sounds very demanding of your time.

MCGREGOR: I make it work. Surely you understand the balance of completing a doctorate degree while working in the field.

INK: I-I definitely do. It’s demanding work, but rewarding to help people like you… Tell me more about your time at SU as a student. I understand you were a member of Investment Club.

MCGREGOR: I was…

INK: What was your initiation like? What were you made to do?

MCGREGOR: I blacked out that night so I couldn’t tell you.

INK: How convenient… Not one sliver of a memory?

MCGREGOR: I woke up in a hospital hooked up to an IV, with a broken rib and no memory of what happened that night. Is that what you want to hear?

INK: Oh… I’m sorry.

MCGREGOR: Yes, well some things are better left in the dark, aren’t they?

INK: Do you hold any feelings of resentment or anger towards your past club members?

MCGREGOR: Of course, I do. It would be impossible not to foster resentment against people who never respected you.

INK: Well, despite the rough time you had in the club, I’m sure you were afforded many benefits? It’s my understanding that many consider you ‘set for life’ after being a member of the club…

MCGREGOR: The only thing my membership of that club ‘set’ was the single greatest downfall in my career. The only people who benefit from that club are people who don’t actually need it.

INK: Well, would you say the lucrative position you held shortly after graduating was due to your own merits or connections you gained while in the club?

MCGREGOR: I see what you’re trying to do here, Ms. Pretty and I don’t take kindly to the insinuation.

INK: It’s Doctor Pretty. And what am I insinuating?

MCGREGOR: You’re suggesting that I’m overlooking the great benefits and privileges being in that club has afforded me, and I don’t take that for granted at all.

What I am saying, however is that if I hadn’t ever joined that club, I would likely be much happier today, and my career wouldn’t suffer for it.

INK: So you are saying that it was your connections from that club allowed you to become the youngest ever Risk Management Analyst for Golden Sachs, and not your merit?

MCGREGOR: My connections got me an interview, my skills got me the position.

INK: And what, exactly got you your termination?

MCGREGOR: I’m not at liberty to discuss that.

INK: This is a safe space, Charlie.

MCGREGOR: My lawyer tells me otherwise.

INK: Do you really think I’d leak privileged information like that?

MCGREGOR: Yes, I do.

INK: I’m going to pretend to not be offended by that.

MCGREGOR: Do whatever suits you best, Pretty.

INK: … Completely unrelated question, have you ever been in a physical fight? If so, when and with whom? Who won?

MCGREGOR: Yes. Several times. No one that matters, and me.

INK: Every time? Really, Charlie?

MCGREGOR: Do you doubt me?

INK: You don’t strike me as a violent guy.

MCGREGOR: I’m not. I’ve had to defend myself, but I never choose to throw the first punch.

INK: Okay, when was the last time you cried?

MCGREGOR: I can’t recall… Probably a few months ago.

INK: And the circumstances around that?

MCGREGOR: I’d rather not discuss it.

INK: Why do I feel like you’re treating this like a legal proceeding?

MCGREGOR: Probably for the same reason I feel you’re treating this like an interview and not an actual clinical evaluation.

INK: Don’t you think that’s far fetched, Charlie? I didn’t realize you had such a wild imagination.

MCGREGOR: Gaslighting isn’t really becoming of you, Pretty.

INK: Yeah, well, avoiding questions isn’t very becoming of you Charlie. I understand you have a hard time opening up sometimes, and that’s okay.

You experienced a great deal of instability and emotional turmoil in the years following your graduation from Sugardale — a short-lived relocation to New Ambrosia, the loss of a promising career, as well as the unfortunate passing of your parents. It’s no wonder you have these struggles when it comes to connection.

MCGREGOR: You almost sound like a real doctor…

INK: I am a real doctor… And despite your hard demeanor, I have to say that I’m proud of you for all that you’ve done despite your hardships… What would you say you did to cope during that difficult time?

MCGREGOR: … I fell in love with academia again. Reading and writing and researching grounded me.

INK: Did any other kinds of love ground you? Romantic ones, perhaps?

MCGREGOR: During that time, no, not particularly.

INK: How would you describe your past romantic relationships?

MCGREGOR: I’ve only had one relationship and I’d describe it as… Formative. It made me who I am.

INK: So, I know you said you’ve only ever had one relationship, but have you ever dated or slept with a student?

MCGREGOR: No… Did you seriously just ask me that?

INK: I did… I’m just curious… I’m sure it’s crossed your mind once or twice, what with all the tropes around-

MCGREGOR: Any person in a position of power understands that there’s a great responsibility that comes with it. To abuse that responsibility is deplorable.

I would never cross that line with a student, and I’d hope that you wouldn’t abuse your power in a similar fashion with your patients, Doctor Pretty.

INK: Whoa, whoa, whoa, why are you turning this back on me? I’m not making a pass at you, if that’s what you’re getting at.

MCGREGOR: Bringing up a student-teacher kink in the middle of asking about my past seems very much like you are.

INK: I’m a professional, Charlie, I would never… I think you need to loosen up, why don’t you tell me which you prefer most? White, Milk or Dark chocolate?

MCGREGOR: Dark chocolate.

INK: What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?

MCGREGOR: I adopted a cat, a few weeks ago at the suggestion of Dr. Letoa.

INK: Aww! That’s so cute! What’s its name?

MCGREGOR: Her name is Patches, and she’s a handful, but I love her already.

INK: Did Dr. Letoa suggest you adopt a pet as a way to perhaps see how you’d feel about taking care of others? Like a child?

MCGREGOR: No, he didn’t… I don’t know how I feel about having children at this age.

INK: Why? You’re not old by any means, Charlie.

MCGREGOR: I’m not concerned about my age, I just have to address my lack of having a partner before I consider children.

INK: Would you say you’re lonely?

MCGREGOR: Yes.

INK: Do you feel like you’re in control of your life?

MCGREGOR: About as in control as anyone else feels, I suppose.

INK: Do you wish you had more control of your life?

MCGREGOR: Of course, who wouldn’t?

INK: What fear do you have about your future?

MCGREGOR: That my academic research may not amount to much by the time I pass away.

INK: Thats… A really pessimistic way of looking at things…

MCGREGOR: It’s not my outlook on life, but it’s certainly a fear of mine.

INK: Whats the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?

MCGREGOR: I’ve heard I can be very intimidating. I don’t mean to be, I just feel strongly about certain things, and being direct is how I am in most situations, so it may come off a lot stronger than I ever intend it to.

INK: Sure, but you have to admit, even in our own meeting you have been pretty intimidating…

MCGREGOR: That is because I don’t trust you at all. Any intimidation you feel is entirely intentional.

INK: Lovely…. Do you believe in second chances?

MCGREGOR: Yes, I do.

INK: Would you consider yourself an honest person?

MCGREGOR: Yes.

INK: Would you consider yourself a selfish person?

MCGREGOR: Not at all. Quite the opposite, I believe I’m too giving at times.

INK:  Do you believe more in fate or that we are the creators of our own destinies?

MCGREGOR: I believe we create our own destinies. Believing solely in fate discredits your own merits.

INK:  Which is most fascinating to you: A Super Nova, Nebulae, or the existence of Black holes?

MCGREGOR: Black holes, by far. They are catastrophic. The single most extreme object in our universe. And they shouldn’t even exist. How incredible is that?

INK:  Pretty incredible… Any conspiracy theories you heavily believe in?

MCGREGOR: Are you insinuating my enthusiasm about black holes would lend myself to being a conspiracy theorist?

INK:  Not at all! I’m just curious.

MCGREGOR: These are pretty interesting questions to have on an evaluation form….

INK:  I may embellish a few for my own interests. I hope you don’t mind, you’re just so fascinating.

MCGREGOR: Stroking my ego… Interesting, and here I thought you were just interrogating me to be antagonistic.

INK:  If you think I’m the only one being antagonistic in this room, we’ll definitely have to unpack that later.

MCGREGOR: Oh? So therapy is actually on your agenda for today? You weren’t going to only bombard me with questions?

INK:  It is on the agenda, but you need to get through my questions first before we get there. So answer the question. Conspiracy theories.

MCGREGOR: I wouldn’t consider it conspiracy theory, but I don’t believe we are the only living creatures in our universe.

INK:  What, like aliens? You believe in aliens?

MCGREGOR: I’ll pose it to you this way, Pretty… There are two possibilities when it comes thinking about the 93 billion light-years of our observable universe:

Either we, on this tiny planet are the only ones in it. Or, we are not.

INK:  Kinda scary either way, if you ask me.

MCGREGOR: It’s endlessly fascinating if you allow it to be. But I understand why you would be scared by it. That is the stretch of any conspiracy I believe in, however.

INK:  Not even more… Worldly conspiracies? Like the Sugarman perhaps?

MCGREGOR: The who?

INK:  Sugarman, he was probably more of an issue in the previous years, but he’s been heavily implicated in the drug problem around town. There are conspiracies floating around about who he may be, or who he may be connected to… Would you happen to know him?

MCGREGOR: I don’t, no. Though, if he is behind the influx of drugs in town, I certainly hope he is caught soon. It’s disheartening to see young people caught up in that so early.

INK:  Do you have any guilty pleasures?

MCGREGOR: I’m not terribly guilty about it, but I enjoy reading romance novels from time to time.

INK: Ooh, what kind? Are we talking Wuthering Heights or something more a little spicier?

MCGREGOR: Do I strike you as the type to read Wuthering Heights?

INK: Honestly, yes.

MCGREGOR: Well, you’re mistaken. That book bored me to tears. I prefer a lot less hopeless pining and a lot more plot.

INK: And by plot you mean smut?

MCGREGOR: Not everything revolves around sex, Pretty.

INK: Sure, but talking about it makes things a hell of a lot more fun… What are your thoughts on candid photography?

MCGREGOR: In relation to sex?

INK: If I say yes, would that change your answer?

MCGREGOR: No… I’m not a photographer and have no desire to become a model, so I don’t have thoughts on it either way.

INK: How good are you with technology, would you say?

MCGREGOR: As in computers and phones? I’d say I’m decent with them. I get frustrated with the stupid auto-correct on my phone though. I wish it wasn’t a baked-in feature.

INK: You know you can turn that off, right? If you wanted to…

MCGREGOR: Really?

INK: Yeah, I’ll show you after this, it’s really not that hard. Though I don’t know why you’d want that off, it-

MCGREGOR: I know how to spell things just fine, I don’t need some idiotic machine turning every other word into something I don’t mean. It’s annoying.

INK: Okay, okay, fine… Would you say you’re good at coping with heavy emotions, like rage, intense sadness… annoyance?

MCGREGOR: If I were, do you think I would be here, Pretty?

INK: I guess not… What do you like to do in your off time?

MCGREGOR: I don’t have much off-time, between teaching and working on my dissertation. But if I can catch a free moment, I enjoy logic puzzles, reading, and jogging.

INK: Do you have a green thumb at all?

MCGREGOR: Haha, no, more like a black thumb. I’ve managed to kill a snake plant and decided it wasn’t for me a few years ago.

INK: …Your file says you told Dr. Letoa about a garden you’ve kept up for the last 3 years…

MCGREGOR: So you did read my file.

INK: I never said I didn’t… And you totally lied about the gardening thing…

MCGREGOR: I figured I’d have some fun, I assumed you knew nothing about me, and frankly, I’m not sure I trust you at all…

INK: …So you’ve been lying this whole time?

MCGREGOR: This whole time? No. I’ve made some embellishments, but for the most part this is not entirely fabricated. I figured if you can keep up a charade, so can I.

INK: … What’s that supposed to mean?

MCGREGOR: Don’t you have more questions for me, Doctor?

INK: Okay uh…What about music? I know you’re a fan of Teen Temple. Did you happen to catch them when they last came to PinkVibe?

MCGREGOR: No, I didn’t even realize they came to Sugardale, that’s too bad I missed them.

INK: I’m sure you’ve heard about the venue’s closure… What are your thoughts on the efforts to re-open it?

MCGREGOR: Well, I don’t keep up with current events too well, but I’d heard about that tragedy with the riots there a few years ago… I know it was always an interesting venue, and if the owners were able to clean up their act and ensure everyone’s safety, I think reopening would be fine…

INK: Yeah, there was a lot of legal and criminal activity surrounding the closure… Have you ever found yourself on the wrong side of the law?

MCGREGOR: No, I haven’t… Have you?

INK: No…

MCGREGOR: Never got in trouble for impersonation, fraud, falsifying creden-

INK: Nope. Certified doc here, squeaky clean record.

MCGREGOR: Sure…

INK: Humor me, for a moment. What would you do if one of your students came to you to confess they had a stalker who’s been taking pictures of them in their room, and taken their phone while showering?

MCGREGOR: That’s an oddly specific question… Is this something one of my students has experienced?

INK: Uh… No. Just a hypothetical.

MCGREGOR: Well… I’d urge them to go to the police, maybe speak to a licensed therapist, and their parents. Depending on the severity of things, maybe suggest they move accommodations, or take a break from campus. I couldn’t imagine their coursework and well being would benefit from being under that much stress.

INK: Thats good you’d encourage them to speak to someone about it… When you’re upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you like to talk through your problems?

MCGREGOR: I prefer to be left alone, though I’m sure you and Dr. Letoa would prefer I said I like talking through my problems.

INK: It is healthier in the long run! Now, I know this is a big departure from the discussion, but I have to ask, do you really need your glasses, or are they more for the college professor look?

MCGREGOR: Of course I need them. I’m sure you can tell, but I’m not exactly concerned with looking fashionable…

INK: Okay, but like, how bad is your sight without them?

MCGREGOR: I’m nearsighted, so seeing things up close isn’t an issue. But I certainly need them to do things like drive or see my students in the lecture hall.

INK: Speaking of your students… Do you have a favorite?

MCGREGOR: It’s not really appropriate to have a favorite when you’re a professor.

INK: Sure, that’s what you’re supposed to say… But you can level with me, you have to have a favorite.

MCGREGOR: … Of the students I have, currently… Perhaps Tim? He’s brilliant and really unmatched among his peers, and I admire that.

INK: Mhm… and does this Tim get any special treatment because he’s your favorite?

MCGREGOR: Of course not, it’s why I avoid even thinking about having a ‘favorite’.

INK: So, conversely, you’ve never taken out a personal grievance against a student by purposefully lowering their GPA?

MCGREGOR: Absolutely not. I’m offended you’d think I would.

INK: No, I don’t at all, I just was tossing around a hypothetical.

MCGREGOR: Maybe hypotheticals don’t have a place in evaluations.

INK: Okay, fine, we’ll stick to the concrete… Tell me about what made you want to pursue a position at Sugardale U? Surely, someone such as yourself could have found employment with a more illustrious university than a mid-sized liberal arts college that, until this year, only ranked within the top twenty of Gorge Magazine's Top College List.

MCGREGOR: … Is this another attempt at a thinly-veiled insult, Pretty, because I don’t appreciate it if-

INK: No! I’m genuinely curious. If anything, I’m trying to compliment you!

MCGREGOR: … Well… Thank you. But I didn’t really pursue the position there because I wanted to… After my time in New Ambrosia, I didn’t have many other options. Sugardale was the easiest institution to get back into, and that’s saying a lot considering the hoops I had to jump to get to where I am now.

INK: Hoops?

MCGREGOR: I’m sure you’re familiar with the families and powers that be in this town, Pretty. They don’t make things easy if you’re not in their good graces… I was lucky to be an alumni of SU, had I not been, I don’t know what I would be doing now.

INK: Do you feel your job is secure enough to provide for a family?

MCGREGOR: At present, no. It’s one of the reasons I am trying to complete my Ph.D. My position is not currently on the tenured track, but with that degree I will be on my way, and can secure my job. Providing for a family would, again, require I have a partner, and I don’t at the moment.

INK: As faculty advisor to the Science Society, you must hold a level of oversight to the trials currently being tested… Could you tell me more about the research going on? I heard it could be ground-breaking.

MCGREGOR: How did you hear about research that hasn’t even been made public yet?

INK: Oh, I uh… I misspoke. I’m just making an assumption, Science Society typically comes out with really interesting findings, so I figure this year wouldn’t be much different…

MCGREGOR: Well, I couldn’t tell you. I’ve been very busy with work and school, and Tim graciously has stepped in to lead all research efforts for the club. I honestly don’t know much about it, but he seemed very enthusiastic about it all when he came to me for materials.

INK: You’re not the least bit suspicious that he might run off and do something else with the materials?

MCGREGOR: I trust him. I doubt he’d produce anything other than brilliance.

INK: What about your other students… Ruby Reyes, for instance, what do you think about her?

MCGREGOR: … Pretty, why do you have such an interest in my students?

INK: I don’t I’m just-

MCGREGOR: I never mentioned Ruby was my student… Yet you’ve just asked me about her…

What is going on?

INK: Nothing, I just… saw her name come up in your file.

MCGREGOR: I don’t mention students by their real names with Dr. Letoa, for their privacy. There’s no way her name would be in my file, alias or not.

INK: Uh… Are you thirsty? I could have the receptionist bring in some tea, or coffee-

MCGREGOR: And that question earlier about a student being stalked struck me as quite odd, but with further context-

INK: I know where you’re going, Charlie, and that’s not the road we’re gonna go down today. Okay? I’m friends with Ruby’s mom and thought I’d ask about her, that’s all.

MCGREGOR: Seems like a gross privacy violation Doctor…

INK: I’m not planning on saying anything to them about it, I’m just curious.

MCGREGOR: Is that why you got into psychiatry, Dr. Pretty? Because you’re into gossip?

INK: Uh, no. It was cause I wanted to help people.

MCGREGOR: You don’t seem to be doing too much of that with me today.

INK: Well, maybe I’d be able to if you answered my damn questions and just opened up a little.

MCGREGOR: Alright then. Ruby is a terrible student. She’s constantly late, can’t turn in her assignments on time and annoys me when she talks and is on her phone throughout class. I had a hunch she would be a problem student based on her transcript and I have so far been proven right.

INK: Well that’s kinda harsh, isn’t it?

MCGREGOR: You said to open up, do you prefer me to filter like I had before?

INK: No! No, keep the flood gates open, this is good… Let’s talk a bit about a particular student of yours… I don’t know her name, but according to Dr. Letoa she’s come up a few times in your sessions in relation to a woman from your past…

MCGREGOR: I don’t want to discuss her with you.

INK: You don’t seem to have any issue discussing her with Dr. Letoa.

MCGREGOR: Yes, that’s because I trust him and know for a fact he’s a licensed medical professional.

INK: You’re closing up again Charlie…

MCGREGOR: For good reason.

INK: Why are you so protective of her?

MCGREGOR: …

INK: Do you find her attractive?

MCGREGOR: That’s inappropriate, she’s my student, not a love interest.

INK: Who says the two have to be mutually exclusive?

MCGREGOR: I say so.

INK: Do you ever fantasize about her?

MCGREGOR: I just said-

INK: You’re looking a little flush, Charlie. You know when you don’t let out the truth, sometimes it manifests physically.

MCGREGOR: This line of questioning is wildly over the line, Pretty.

INK: It’s a safe space, you can tell me… Maybe we need to dip our toes back into the hypothetical… What if she expressed interest towards you? Would you reciprocate?

MCGREGOR: No.

INK: Not even a little? Just imagine, you’re at some party, you’ve had a few drinks, she’s looking really good in a nice dress and she’s up for it…

MCGREGOR: … I’m going to leave if you don’t stop with this.

INK: Fine, I get it. You have an issue opening up about intimacy. It’s a common problem, and I think if I ask the right questions we might be able to get to the bottom of this.

MCGREGOR: Somehow I feel you are absolutely wrong about that… But I have already paid for this session from hell, so let’s see what you have.

INK: Thanks for your vote of confidence… Tell me about your love life.

MCGREGOR: I don’t have one.

INK: I find that hard to believe… There’s not anyone you’re currently interested in?

MCGREGOR: I’m interested in a few women, sure. I wouldn’t consider them when talking about my love life though.

INK: Because?

MCGREGOR: We aren’t dating, or even seeing each other, so it’s of no consequence unless it does get to that point.

INK: Would you prefer one of these women to make a move first, or would you want to be the one to do so?

MCGREGOR: It’s more romantic if I make the first move, I think.

INK: Why do you think you struggle to date? Do you think you’re unattractive?

MCGREGOR: I don’t think I’m unattractive, I just don’t think I’m particularly eye-catching… I don’t have much spare time and if I’m going to date I would prefer to do so in a way that I can dedicate time and attention towards her. I don’t see dating as a passive activity.

INK: Well, that doesn’t rule out on and off flings…

MCGREGOR: I’m not casual when it comes to love.

INK: Have you ever been in love enough to pop the question?

MCGREGOR: … Yes. Several times.

INK: Several times with different women or-

MCGREGOR: The same woman. I’d prefer not to get into that, next question.

INK: Okay… Do you believe in love? Do you believe you’re deserving of it?

MCGREGOR: I do believe in it… And I’d hope I’m deserving of it.

INK: And what attracts you to someone physically and emotionally?

MCGREGOR: I love lips with a pretty shape… and I’m attracted to an intelligent woman, someone who is analytical and able to think for herself. She questions everything.

INK: What would you consider a perfect first date?

MCGREGOR: Stargazing at the local observatory. I have an annual membership that allows me to rent it out during off hours. I think I’d enjoy something like that during a particularly clear night… Or a bike ride along Sugardale River if the forecast is cloudy.

INK: And what about the perfect partner?

MCGREGOR: There’s no such thing, as Dr. Letoa says.

INK: Let’s pretend he never told you that… I’m sure you have a vision of perfection in your head now… Go on, describe her.

MCGREGOR: Well, she’s everything I’m not. Charming, light, attracts people and ideas and is just joyful… She balances me out. But she’s not so bubbly that she’s empty-headed. She’s witty, and can be introspective and self-aware.

INK: Have you ever experienced infidelity in a relationship?

MCGREGOR: Not that I know of, no.

INK: What’s your opinion on large age differences in relationships?

MCGREGOR: Well, if the age gap is of note, then I can only assume it’s quite large… In which case I’m not a supporter of it. There are power dynamics at play when the age gap is large enough and it’s not fair to the younger party to be involved with someone significantly older, especially if they are not established and don’t have a strong sense of self.

INK: And how well do you handle temptation?

MCGREGOR: I am a man of restraint, Pretty, though I think I see exactly where this line of questioning is going again…

INK: Has a student ever hit on you?

MCGREGOR: And there it is… If they had, I wouldn’t notice, because I’m simply not interested in dating my students.

INK: What if one confessed their feelings for you?

MCGREGOR: Then I’d advise them to stop, and if they persist, remove them from my class. Enough with this student-teacher thread.

INK: Fine, fine… Would you say you get jealous easily?

MCGREGOR: I guess? Not sure it would be any more jealous than a normal person would be…

INK: Biggest turn off?

MCGREGOR: Someone who’s argumentative. I’m not one for dramatics.

INK: What lessons did your past relationships teach you?

MCGREGOR: To not take love for granted. People are very disposable with their love these days and I don’t think it’s healthy… I wasn’t necessarily flippant with my love, but I let it get away from me when I really shouldn’t have.

INK: So, aside from love, what are your opinions on no-strings-attached sex?

MCGREGOR: I’ve tried that once, and am not terribly interested in doing it again. I can’t do something like that without a real emotional connection with someone.

INK: Interesting… So let’s say you’re with someone and have been for a while… How often would you want to be intimate with them?

MCGREGOR: Is this really a part of your evaluation? Or are you just being curious again?

INK: Can’t it be both?

MCGREGOR: …

INK: Sexual health is a big part of your mental health and I need to evaluate that just as thoroughly…

MCGREGOR: … Once a day at the minimum.

INK: Ah, so that’s why you’re not dating. It’s all making sense now…

MCGREGOR: What do you mean?

INK: Well, you insisted that you couldn’t date because you don’t have the time, which makes sense… But now that I know you’d expect to have sex at least once a day on top of all your other commitments, makes it even clearer. You really wouldn’t have the time.

MCGREGOR: I wasn’t lying when I told you that.

INK: You can’t blame me for being a skeptic.

MCGREGOR: Healthy skepticism is always welcome…

INK: Given you aren’t intimate with anyone at the moment, how often are you intimate with yourself?

MCGREGOR: I don’t have a schedule around it, I tend to it when I can find the time.

INK: Are we talking once a day? More?

MCGREGOR: If I say twice a week, will you stop guessing?

INK: Huh, less than I’d expected. What do you think about when you’re pleasuring yourself?

MCGREGOR: What does that have to do with my mental evaluation?

INK: We can compare it to what you said to Dr. Letoa last year, which according to your form, says a certain fantasy involving a woman-

MCGREGOR: I know what I said last year, nothing’s changed. Next question.

INK: What would you say is your most watched porn category? Last year you said creampies, has that also stayed the same?

MCGREGOR: …I don’t even remember answering that question last year.

INK: You can’t expect to remember everything, Charlie… I’ll take that as a no, it hasn’t changed.

How old were you when you lost your virginity?

MCGREGOR: 14.

INK: Whoa, I wasn’t expecting that young. I assumed you were a late bloomer, given everything else we’d talked about…

MCGREGOR: Yes, well, I wasn’t…

INK: Favorite sex position?

MCGREGOR: … I think you’re just being intrusive now.

INK: I’ll mark you down as unchanged from last year, looks like you were a fan of standing and carrying. No wonder your forearms look so nice.

MCGREGOR: Dr. Letoa and I definitely did not discuss that last year, what-

INK: Would you ever have sex in your classroom?

MCGREGOR: How many times do I have to-

INK: Not with a student! I know you’ll deny that till the cows come home. I’m just saying in general. Lets pretend your dream girl comes by during a lunch break and you have a few minutes between classes…

MCGREGOR: I… I guess if those are the circumstances, sure. I’d be okay with it.

INK: So would it turn you on if your partner teased you in public?

MCGREGOR: I- Sure… It would.

INK: Do you like role-playing, professor?

MCGREGOR: That’s a leading question if I’d ever heard one… Put your jacket back on, Pretty, I’m not interested.

INK: I just asked a simple question.

MCGREGOR: No, I don’t.

INK: Are you into edging?

MCGREGOR: Pretty.

INK: Answer the question Charlie.

MCGREGOR: And if I don’t?

INK: Well, I’ve had tons of fun with this foreplay, but I’d like to get on with it. So if you don’t answer these questions I’ll hand your entire file over to some people who would really benefit from knowing these things about you.

MCGREGOR: You wouldn’t…

INK: I won’t…Unless these questions go unanswered… Now, about edging…

MCGREGOR: Fine, yes. I like it.

INK: Any other kinks I should know about?

MCGREGOR: No.

INK: How dominant are you in the bedroom? Are you always taking charge, or do you like an equally commanding partner?

MCGREGOR: I prefer to take charge.

INK: I can tell. You’re not having much fun being in a powerless position, are you Charlie?

MCGREGOR: Just ask the next question, damnit.

INK: Temper, temper, Charlie. Remember those coping skills… Tell me, are you into dirty talk at all?

MCGREGOR: Yes.

INK: Giving or receiving?

MCGREGOR: Both.

INK: Have you ever had a threesome?

MCGREGOR: No.

INK: How do you feel about collars?

MCGREGOR: I’d much prefer to have a gag right now.

INK: Ooh, kinky, Charlie. For me?

MCGREGOR: It seems like the only thing that would keep you from speaking, so yes.

INK: Don’t threaten me with a good time, Prof… How about bondage?

MCGREGOR: Never tried it.

INK: Would you?

MCGREGOR: Maybe.

INK: Spanking?

MCGREGOR: I like it, sure.

INK: Being called daddy?

MCGREGOR: I’ve never been called that before.

INK: But would you like to be?

MCGREGOR: I… I don’t know.

INK: How does it make you feel if I call you daddy?

MCGREGOR: Honestly, it makes me want to run out of this room and never look back, but something tells me the giant man pretending to be your receptionist is not going to allow me to leave the building.

INK: Charlie, I really can’t get over how smart you are. You’ve saved me all the hassle of the threats and the big charade… Thank you! Now, tell me, honest to goodness truth… How do you feel about the student-teacher kink?

MCGREGOR: I told you-

INK: I know what you said, and frankly, I let a lot slide during this interview because I know someone as smart as you would likely have a mental break if I burst your bubble and let you know what was really going on. But this is something I know the people really want to know about and I’d be a terrible interviewer if I didn’t get at least one admission out of you on the subject.

MCGREGOR: Interview? This is an interview?

INK: Ah fuck, forget I said that. Just answer the question, either that or the file is getting shipped to you-know-who.

MCGREGOR: Fine… Fine. I- I like it. But it’s a fantasy, just a fun thought to entertain when you’re alone and not trying to engage in it with others. I’m not in anyway trying to-

INK: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know Charlie, you’re a man of your word, I don’t expect you to live out any of your kinky little fantasies, like getting a blowjob under the desk during a test, or eating her out while holding her up against the-

MCGREGOR: Okay, I’ve answered your questions. Who are you, really? And what is this about being an interview?

INK: I told the others because frankly, I knew they could handle the memory loss, and wouldn’t spiral into some existential crisis when they wake up but I have a hunch you won’t so I’ll say this: I’m not someone you need to worry about. Your file is safe, Dr. Letoa is safe, and the moment you’re escorted from this building, your life will go back to normal. It’ll be as if I never even existed.

MCGREGOR: How do I know I can trust anything you’re saying? Everything you’ve said to me has been a lie.

INK: You can’t. But I couldn’t trust a single word you said today either, so I guess we’re even… Bernie!

MCGREGOR: Wait-Wai-

BERNIE: Yes, Ms.- ehem- Dr. Pretty

INK: It’s okay, he knows I’m not a doctor.

BERNIE: Aw, I liked Dr. Pretty, it had a nice ring to it.

INK: Right?! Ugh, it’s fine I’m sure I can play doctor with someone else next time…

Please escort Charlie to his lawyer’s office I’m sure after he wakes up he’ll want to speak with him.

BERNIE: Yes, Ms. Pretty.

-

Professor McGregor certainly gave me a run for my money. Trying to mentally spar with one of the smartest men in the city was no easy task, though I was able to navigate the interview with some sense of direction. I look forward to hopefully having a less challenging subject for my next interview…

Thanks to everyone who’s read this interview, and until next time!

Pretty Ink

Other interviews in this series:

Gabe

Jay

Jace