Update 11/18 (Patreon)

Hey guys!

Milestone!

So I just want to start off by saying how amazed I am that we've hit over 1,000 patrons this month! I never thought I'd get this amount of support from folks on my passion project, but here it is. Thank you all, so SO much for supporting me and the game, it's truly amazing to see how far things have come and I am so grateful to see the love from you all. 

Outlining

The last few weeks, I've been focused on not only revising and tweaking the outline for v6, but also the loose outlines for v7, and v8 (Hopefully the last release, no promises though!). I think I've gotten to the point that I can more easily fit the remaining plot points into the different versions needed to wrap this game up. I'm optimistic with how things are laid out currently, I just need to make it there!

Lore Posts

I've also been playing catch up with some lore posts. One is out now. It's on the shorter side, but should add a little color to the College Craze world, and the other is the Gabe interview, which is much longer. I tried to hit most of the questions submitted, but I got over 170, and there was no way I'd be able to squeeze all of them in, so if I skipped your question in it, you know why. I'll be posting a poll for the next interview soon, so please vote in that and shortly after I'll start to collect questions.

I'm technically on my break now, but felt the need to address something pretty important.

Other... Stuff

Lastly, I'd like to take a moment to be real with you all: my mental health has been shit lately. 

When I set out to make this, I knew a few things: I knew it was going to be a long-term project, I knew it was going to be a fun challenge, and I knew it would require a lot from me mentally.

I felt that I was decently aware of the things that were needed from me. What I didn't expect was the amount of people who would see what I was making. This has grown beyond what I ever expected it to, and I'm so happy it has, but I don't think I was ever prepared for the attention, both good and bad. 

Before making this, I've always been a lurker. I didn't participate in discussions, I didn't really voice my opinion on things, whether I liked them or hated them.. I just consumed my media and at most would give things a thumbs up to show appreciation. Obviously, the Internet isn't like that. There are people who shout their praise from the rooftops, others who make hours-long video essays about why they hate a movie/book/album etc. 

This is what content is, after all; People expressing their opinions for an audience. I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of that. It was so distant from my idea of interacting on the internet, and then it was turned on it's head. At first it was new and exciting and really fueled my happiness. But frankly, it's starting to get overwhelming. 

When it comes to the game, I've read some things that made me feel incredibly loved and inspired and in awe of you all, and I've read some things that made me spiral for days. At one point I'd read something so negative I considered stopping altogether. That's never happened before and I don't like that feeling. I don't know how to function well with all of the attention. I don't know if it'll get better. But I know what can help alleviate the anxiety and that's to step back from it.

So, that's what I'm doing. If you've noticed my lack of presence, that's why. I can't respond to the feedback, I can't get caught up in the negative DMs or comments, I can't do any of it. I just have to put my blinders on and return my focus to the game. It sucks that I can't balance the community engagement along with the game development, but I've learned something new about myself. Some people can do both, I can't, and that's okay. (Me @ Myself: Bring it on reference)

As much as I've enjoyed getting to know and making friends with a lot of you, I don't want to risk getting in a bad place mentally over any of this. Maybe when it's all over I can come back out and socialize, but until then I need to take time for myself and heal. I miss talking with a lot of you already, but I'd like to come back around when I'm not feeling how I am right now.

So what does this mean really? Well, I won't really be on Discord, other than to let you know of any important announcements. I won't be responding to DMs (I'm very anxious even opening them these days), and I won't be looking at comments, good or bad. The encouragement has always brought a smile to my face, but it can be a slippery slope for me and I may end up reading something that can fuck me up.

I will continue to give weekly updates on my progress, I will continue with lore posts and postcards, I will continue developing the game at the same pace as before.

This isn't a callout, by the way, there's no action to be taken from you all (unless you're someone who felt it was appropriate to send me hurtful and unconstructive things, in which case, this is a callout. Please don't do it again.)

To everyone else: Please continue participating in discussions, voicing your thoughts, etc. I've learned how I need to engage with it for my mental health, and for now, that's not at all, lol. I'm sure it'll be a wild ride to read back on later 😂.

I appreciate every single one of you who have played the game and continue to be apart of the hilarious, uplifting, talented and thoughtful community. It really did bring me joy and I know it continues to bring joy to so many others. Thank you, and I hope to be in a better place to reconnect with you all soon. ❤️

TL;DR Breaking news: Anxious girl gets anxious when on the internet. More at 10.