How to Get Young Adults to Wear Diapers (Part 10) (Patreon)

 Part 10

Seth Meyers : So get this... The new sensation, Joanie Bed Wetter.. this is her actual brand name, appearing on the front page of Fashionista to promote her new clothing line ‘’Big Girl’’... wearing a WET diaper. I just... 

Laughter in the audience.

Seth: No it’s true, and I can’t believe this is a thing. You know it makes it so easy for us comedians. Her clothes are called ‘’Big Girl’’ and she just wet her Pull-Up... how is that a big girl move? It’s like Donald Trump wearing a ‘’Big Hands’’ T-shirt... Doesn’t make any sense. Right? Just because you’re wearing it doesn’t make it true. 

Laughter.

Seth : Now controversy is stirring up and some say that was precisely the objective. Concerned mothers are asking Kimberly-Clark, the company representing the young woman if this is the message they’re trying to send... Is peeing yourself supposed to be a fashion statement now? If so, was Fergie a visionary? 

Laughter.

Seth: As controversy rises up there is also tons of people in support of Joanie.
The ‘’March for Protection’’ last week showcased thousands of adults parading the streets in diapers, to show the world there shouldn’t be any stigma around incontinence. Recently, even Taylor Swift has come out to show support to Joanie, revealing she, too, has once struggled with bed wetting. Take a look.

Taylor Swift: To see someone like her, you know, take action is... and you know it’s something I never thought I’d admit to be honest, but I used to be a heavy bed wetter myself! Oh yeah, well into my teens and... and still do sometimes, so this is really refreshing.

Seth: Wait minute, what?! I’m sorry did she just say ‘’and still do sometimes’’? Taylor Swift, 27 year old grown woman just admitted she wets the bed. I mean... nothing against her but... is that why she got dumped by so many boyfriends?

The audiences boos and laughs.

Seth: What? Can you imagine? John Mayer: ‘’Hum babe it’s like the third time you peed the bed... I mean Your Body is a Wonderland, but you can’t keep Waiting on the World to Change... your diaper.’’

Laughs.

Seth: Or, you know, Calvin Harris: ‘’Hey Taylor, I know you’ve been Drinking from the Bottle, but you gotta get your bladder Under Control cause.. This Isn’t What I Came For...’’

Laughs.

Seth: So, on behalf of all of Taylor Swift’s ex boyfriends, here’s a letter:
 Dear Taylor, We Knew You Were Trouble when you walked in, but there’s things we just can’t Shake Off. It may have been a bit more normal when you were Fifteen, but these accidents did Begin Again and it feels like you’ll Never Grow Up.
We don’t want to be Mean and hope there’s no Bad Blood.
PS. We Are Never Ever Ever.... changing your diapers! 

That’s all, Goodnites everybody!

Crowd cheers and roars.

*
TV turns off.

Joanne: He makes me sick.

Claire : Yeah, he’s kind of a jerk, but at least he gets people talking about us.

Chelsea: Oh HE’S a jerk huh? What about you guys tricking me into appearing on the top cover of a magazine... in a DIAPER?!

Joanne: Stop being a baby Chel, you’ve always wanted to be a fashion icon. 

Chelsea: Not a diapered icon! And who’s being a baby.. you’re on the same cover... peeing in your Pull-Ups! How are you not mad at them? What’s next? You’re gonna make headlines sitting on a plastic potty? ‘’She’s a Big Kid Now!’’

Claire: That would certainly go viral...

Joanne: At this point everybody saw me in wet Pull-Ups online anyway... plus they gave me five thousand dollars.

Chelsea: That’s because they think it places limitations on your career! Who else would be that stupid?! You wouldn’t get paid that much if they thought it was doing you a favor! This whole thing is gonna backfire on you Joanne... It’s time to grow up now.

Joanne: My career? My ‘’career’’ was built on this. Your very job came from this Chelsea. I didn’t want that... but now you’re saying I shouldn’t take advantage of it? I know the hype won’t last, that’s why I need to bank on it while it passes. You were the first one to tell me I should exploit those ‘’dumb dumbs thinking it makes them a better person to wear diapers’’.

Chelsea: There’s a better way... it all started from a message of anti-bullying, which works... but now? Now it’s all about profit and controversy... it feels wrong. What will you do once it passes and everyone still knows you as the diaper-wearing chick? I’ve got a feeling you’re the one they’re taking advange of.... and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.

Joanne: I’m sure I’ll still have my fans...

Chelsea: Your fans...? Right. Sure. I guess you’ll still have fans no matter what. I just hope you’ll still have friends, too.

She got out the door and left me alone with Claire who had been very quiet during our exchange. I didn’t understand why she was acting this way. I mean, sure I was kind of selling my credibility for money... but isn’t that what all famous people do? 

Claire: Don’t listen to her honey. She’s jealous because you’ve got the spotlight and she doesn’t.... or she’s still mad at the diaper prank. Either way she’ll come around, you’ll see.

Joanne: I guess...

Claire: Now don’t you worry about that. 

Joanne: I need to go out and get some fresh air.

I exited the studio... my room and went out for a walk around the block. It was 10PM on a Friday night and the local pubs were starting to fill up slowly with young folks my age. As I walked past a group of young punks, one of the girls kept looking at me. 

Punk girl: Hey it’s nappy girl! Yeah! Joanie Bedwetter the diaper-wearing sensation! Are you lost love?

Punk boy: You’re right I thought I recognized her! Hey, you think she’s got a nappy on right now?

Punk girl: Must be. She’s a real pants-pisser that one! Ain’t you seen her online, parading around in Pull-Ups like a little girl?

I tried to ignore them as best as I could. I was getting used to hecklers now, the price of being famous. I couldn’t help but to realize they were right though, I was indeed wearing a pair of Pull-Ups under my skirt. They had become my regular underwear now. They were all I had, really. 

Punk girl: D’you think we can make Joanie Bedwetter piss in her nappy?

Punk boy: Probably already has. You lost or something?

Punk girl: Why don’t you talk ? What, you think you better than us or something? You can’t even use the bathroom like an adult! 

Punk boy: I say let’s find out if she needs a change... She rich isn’t she? See her on TV all the time.. probably has money.

Punk girl: Aye, come here little girl.

As they followed me down the street she grabbed my arm. I gasped and pushed her away.

Punk boy: Let’s get her.

I started to run.