Girls' Trip (Chapter One) (Patreon)

By Taylor Galen Kadee and Natalie

I read a discussion board on Goodreads called Smart Women.  There are always lots of good books being talked about on there— good and also hip.  The thing is, I am interested in women— the way they think, the way they see the world.

As part of my morning routine, after my catching up on the sports news, I get up and wander back to the break room, where I get my second cup of tea of the day and make small talk as necessary.

On my way back from the break room, steaming cup of coffee in hand, I stop at Kylie’s cubicle and lean over the flimsy wall, saying something like: “I can’t decide if suggesting that skirt is too short is doing my duty as a co-worker or straying into the realm of sexual harassment.”

Kylie looks over the frames of her glasses and says, “Goodbye, Colin.”

“Rude,” I answer.  “Don’t you want to help me with my dilemma?”

“I have work to do,” Kylie says.

My eyes go to her screen.  She is answering emails, but this one seems to be from a resort, and there is a picture of a shimmering pool, and beyond it the sparkling blue expanse of the ocean.  “Vacation?”  I ask.

“Oh, no,” Kylie says, putting her hand over her screen.  “This is none of your business!”

I make it my business, and by lunch I have gotten it out of her that she and her two besties from college have planned a girl’s trip to Miami Beach.  “How can you even consider going without me?”  I say.  “I’m the fourth musketeer.”

“There were only three musketeers.”

“What?  That can’t be right.”

“Why do you think the book was called The Three Musketeers?”

“There’s a book?”

I prefer to hang out with women.  I feel like they have more fun, and when I am the only guy in a group of girls there is none of the usual macho stuff to deal with, so I have a way of sneaking my way into Kylie’s life.  As far as she and I— not happening.  Probably.  Kylie is leggy, blonde, chock full of confidence.  Maybe out of my league. Anyway, in addition to being a lot of fun, Kylie has a LOT of female friends, so her friendship is essential to my social life.  I keep it alive at all costs, and I follow them all on social media, which keeps me connected to what’s up in the world of women’s culture these days.

I haven’t gone on a trip in awhile.  I need a break.  Some of the guys have been talking about getting a cabin up in the mountains and doing some hunting, which I have been considering.  But now the possibility of hitting the beach with Kylie and her friends has come up, and I am determined to be a part of it.  It’s kind of a dream of mine. Of course, sure, I am a guy and being surrounded by a bunch of beautiful bodies is little tiny bikinis is part of the dream, but I also have a little bit of a thing for her friend Taylor, who I saw on the list.  I am kind of hoping letting her get a chance to see me in my trunks might seal the deal.

Which is why you find me straining to maintain the longest down dog in all the infernal history of yoga while trying to check out her friend Tara’s booty while not letting any of the women in the studio know I am checking out Taylor’s booty.  You cannot be THAT guy and hope to have any chance with the yoga community.  No.  I also really don’t want to be that guy, it’s just that she looks so good, and my eyes do not always listen to my brain.

Tara is a goddess, of course.  She has the most perfect, chocolate skin, and the body of a dancer, which she is— as in a professional dancer.  You have never seen such legs.  I assure you.  Unless, you have seen Taylor’s legs in a pair of yoga pants, that is.  Despite being one of the most beautiful and graceful women I have ever met, Tara obsesses over her body and hides a mass of insecurities behind a megawatt smile.  She makes her own clothes, rocks at karaoke and even makes her own kombucha.  I am obsessed with her.

After class, I tag along with the girls as they head off for post yoga smoothies.  They tease me over how un-flexible I am, calling me the tin man.  I laugh along.  I can take a joke.  We get our smoothies— I, of course, order a high protein smoothie because I have to remind them how muscular and manly I am— and take seats at one of the tables outside on the sidewalk.  It’s a brisk day.  Not too cold, but chilly enough for jackets. Fall is coming.

Nicole shivers.  She’s the brunette of this triad.  Long, curly hair and big, bright eyes.  “It’s getting chilly,” she says.  “I love fall, but it also makes me sad because I know winter is coming.”

“Not a fan of winter,” I agree, seeing the perfect segue.  “It’s so dark.”

“I like it,” Kylie says.  “I have so many cute sweaters!

“There is that,” Nicole agrees.

“And boots!” Taylor says.  “I am so ready to show off my new boots!”

See, this is the kind thing I learn hanging out with these women.  I never once thought about one of the benefits of winter being an opportunity to wear cute boots.  It’s so “girl,” and I just love hearing them talk about these kinds of things.

As much as I would like to hear more about boots and sweaters, I need to get them to let me go on their trip. “I get depressed from the cold.  The dark.  It’s so hard to get through the winter.  I just wish I had some friends who would invite me along on their vacation to some warm, fun city.”

“No, Colin,” Kylie says.  “This is just for the girls.”

“It’s a chance for us to hang and catch up,” Nicole says.

“We went to Miami Beach back in college,” Taylor adds.  “So, you know, this is a sacred thing.  Like a goddess thing.”

I frown and slump my shoulders, laying it on. “I guess I’ll just have to try and make it on my own.  All alone.  In the cold.  So Lonely.  Abandoned.”

The girls laugh. “Poor baby,” Taylor says.

“Just go to a bar and burp and fart with some guys,” Kylie says.  “You’ll be fine.”

“Or hit up Tinder.”

“I am not a Tinder type,” I say.  “I am all about spiritual connection.”

Once more, the girls laugh.  “You are such a slut,” Taylor says.  “Don’t even.”

I act hurt.  “Your words are like daggers!” I say and take a sip of my smoothie.  “You are a cruel woman.”

“You finally figured that out, eh?” Kylie says.

Over the next few weeks, I keep working on them.  I help Taylor rearrange her furniture.  I come over to Nicole’s place and kill a really big spider.  I pitch in Kylie’s project at work.  I am hoping to guilt them all into letting me come along.  I am finally able to seal the deal after getting them to invite me along to brunch.

“You’ve got to let me come with you guys,” I said.  “I can’t take any more of this cold.  I need to see the sun!”

“You’ll be in the way.”  Kylie stirred her latte.  She always stirs counter clockwise, and very slowly.

“It’s just for the girls.”  Taylor had ordered a cappuccino, which she now sipped like a little mouse, taking the tiniest little nibbles.

“It’s not going to be some action guy thing,” Nicole said.  “Mostly we’ll be laying on the beach in our bikinis getting sun.”

‘I’m all about tanning,” I said.  “I can lay out all day.  No problem.”

“But will you wear a bikini?”  Taylor asked.

“I don’t think you want to see me in a bikini.”

“Oh, I most definitely want to see you in a thong.”

“You’d look soooo cute,” Kylie said.  The girls all laughed as I covered my eyes, mortified at the image of myself in a thong.

“Seriously,” I said, taking a sip of his coffee. “I am a vacation enhancer.  I would make everything better.  Plus, I can protect you if some gross guys try and creep on you.”

“You’re going to creep on us,” Taylor said.

“Me?  No way, I promise. Not that you girls aren’t hotties, of course, but I’ m just looking for some sunshine and warmth.  Come on, please?”

It was quiet.  Then, Taylor said, “How about you give us a minute to talk about this?”

“Seriously?” I said.

“Seriously?”  Taylor said.

“Seriously?” Nicole said.

“Okay, everyone, enough with the seriously,” Taylor said, then she shooed me away.  “Go.  Go.  Go. Scooch.”

I took my paper cup of coffee and walked to the other side of the Starbucks, taking a seat at the table.  The girls put their heads together, whispering and occasionally glancing over at me, snickering, then laughing out loud. What were they up to?  I wondered.  It suddenly felt less like I was talking them into something and more like I was being lured into a trap.

Taylor waved me back over.  “So?”  I said, sauntering up to the table.

“You can come with,” Taylor said.

“Yes!”

“But there is one condition.”

“Which is?”

“You have to do everything with us.  Everything.  Some of it might be pretty girly.”

“Cool,” I said, though I had no intention of doing anything too girly.  He looked at Taylor.  “I can’t wait.”

“We’re serious,” Taylor said. “Everything.  You sure you’re up to it?”

“I can’t wait,” I lied

Taylor smiled. “Make sure to pack a bikini.”  The girls exchanged knowing little glances and snickered.

I suddenly wasn’t sure if they were serious or not, but me in a bikini wasn’t happening, so I mimicked their snickering and said, “I’ll pack two.”

“This is going to be so much fun,” Nicole said, though her tone made it sound almost like a threat.

“What are you girls up to?”  I asked.  “You’re all acting very weird.”

“You’ll see,” Kylie said.  “We want it to be a surprise.”

I caught an Uber to the airport, then made my way through security.  The girls had already made it though and were waiting for me at a bar near Gate 12.  I hurried through the concise, wanting to get at least one drink in me before boarding the plane.  I was going on vacation with a group of gorgeous women, and I planned on having all kinds of fun.  As I approached the bar— Calypso—  I saw the girls sitting around a small table, having drinks. “Ladies.”

“Hey, girl!”  Kylie  sang out as Colin approached.

“Are you late because you had to do your makeup?” Taylor said.

“Okay, okay,” I said, glancing around, feeling self-conscious being called ‘girl.’

“Did you pack your bikini?”  Nicole asked.

“I’m wearing it right now under my clothes,” I said.

A waitress came over.  “Can I take your order?”

“I’ll take a Corona,” I said, wanting to get in the spirit.

“Um, scratch that said,” Kylie said.  “Bring this girl a cosmo.”

“Cosmo?”  I said.  “I am not…"

“She doesn’t know what she wants,” Taylor said.  “Cosmo.”

The waitress grinned and said, “right away.”

“Okay.  Okay.  Maybe cool it on the girl stuff?”

“But you wanted to be one of the girls, didn’t you?”  Kylie said.

“I just wanted to hang out with the girls, not be one of them.”

“I think you’d make a really cute girl,” Nicole said.

“I know, right?”  Taylor said.  “Such pretty eyes!”

“And the bone structure!”  Kylie chimed in.

“You guys are not going to make this easy, are you?”

“You have no idea,” Kylie said.  “Now drink your cosmo.”

The girls had decided to take an afternoon flight, so they could get a good night’s rest and then hit the beach in the morning.  They were all exhausted, so they decided everyone could do dinner on their own and then get to bed.  We would have plenty of time to socialize over the next few days. I got a burger at the beach side bar, had a couple beers.  Fueled by the alcohol, I couldn’t stop thinking about Taylor and that million dollar smile of hers.  I had to see her, so I went up to her room and knocked.

Taylor opened the door.  She wore a lime green bikini top, and the sight of those little ties across her shoulder made me giddy. Her skin was so perfect.   I looked in those big, beautiful eyes of hers and was about to compliment her, when she said, “I’ve been expecting you.”

“Really?”

“Come on in.” She led me into her hotel room, her hips swaying. She glanced back over her shoulder at me and gave me a big, bright smile.

Taylor sat, patting the spot on the couch next to her.  I sat where she’d indicated, our knees almost touching. “You’re gorgeous,” I said, looking into her eyes.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” Taylor said, with a flirtatious giggle.

“Just the hot ones,” I said.  Leaning closer.  We were looking directly into each other’s eyes, searching. Taylor’s mouth opened, and she let the tip of her pink tongue glide along her lower lip.  The smell of her perfume— something flowery and tropical— filled my head.  “I need you,” I said, putting my hand to her soft cheek, leaning in for a kiss.

Taylor put her hand to my mouth and pushed me back.  “I don’t think so,” she said.

“Come on,” I said, taking her wrist and moving her hand out of the way as I leaned in again.  “I’m going to lose my mind.”

Taylor leaned back and said, “The thing is, I like my men big and strong, and your feminine little arms are kind of a turn off.”

I laughed.  “Hilarious,” I said, thinking it was just playful flirting.  I started to push her arm back, meaning to pin her to the couch, when my arms and shoulders started to tingle.  I ignore the feeling, as I was totally focused on Taylor’s gorgeous face, that full, wet mouth of hers.  But then, she started to struggle against me, and to my surprise I found myself being pushed back.  I looked at my wrist and forearm shrinking, all the wiry muscle gone as reshaped itself into something more like you might see on a teen aged girl. “What’s happening?”  I said as Taylor pushed me onto my back, pinning my arms over my head, holding me at the wrists.  I struggled, making small grunting sounds, shocked and humiliated to find myself being overpowered by this— girl.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong,” Taylor said.  “Your arms are pretty.  But you’re so vulnerable, and you couldn’t even help me move my furniture now.”

“You’re dreaming,” I said, struggling, trying to get leverage, refusing to believe that Taylor was so much stronger than me.  It’s not like she lifted.  I still felt confident I would eventually get her on her back. “You just wait,” I said, trying with all of my strength to push her off.

Taylor had by this point straddled me, and I would feel her thighs tight against my ribcage.  “I could probably forgive you for your girly little arms,” Taylor said.  “But, I mean, you are so skinny and short, it would be like dating a woman.”