Carrolwood19-20 (Patreon)

Chapter 19

The week of the big homecoming game was fast approaching. Which, of course, also meant the big homecoming dance. The spirit team had festooned the halls with all manner of decorations. There had been a contest for each homeroom to decorate their doors to show who had the most spirit. As a girl, Carl was expected to be front and center when it came to decorating, and he seethed slightly as he and the other girls worked on their door while the boys sat around talking. Sunni, of course, watched jealously as the girls did their thing, sitting with the other males and grunting her way through conversations, the whole time wondering why boys couldn’t have fun with glue and glitter.

They each planned to attend the dance stag. Though more than a few girls had been batting their eyes at Sunni, she felt- odd— asking one of what she still thought of as “another girl” to the dance. Carl, meanwhile, had found himself bombarded with guys asking him to go with them.  He politely declined, feeling guilty each time a forlorn boy walked away, slump shouldered, his act of courage thwarted. As the date of the dance approached, sensing Sunni and Carl as unreachable, boys and girls had paired off, no one wanting to be one of those poor kids who came to the dance alone. Much to Carl’s horror and relief, Matt had eventually asked Kennedy, who’d agreed. It was a relief in that Matt no longer pestered Carl relentlessly to be his date. Horror because Matt kept looking at him with THAT look, and he had made a point of letting Carl know that they WOULD dance together at some point.

“I don’t want you to be a wallflower,” Matt said, framing his lusting ways as a chivalric gesture. 

“Oh. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“You are fine,” Matt said as Carl batted away his roving hands. “Just be ready. I’ll come get you when the right song comes on.”

In addition to the fact Carl had no desire to have Matt pawing him during a slow dance, he also worried what it could do to his friendship with Kennedy if she saw he and Matt dancing together and realized Matt totally had the hots for Carl. He didn’t want her to be hurt. He considered telling her about Matt— warning her, really- but he’d talked to his Mom and she’d warned him not to. Kennedy was so happy to be going with Matt, and Carl would just have to dodge the drooling boy’s advances so his friend could have her night.

A patina of gloom settled over the week for both Sunni and Carl. It was their senior year, and they had each imagined a big, fun homecoming dance with a special someone, pictures and memories that would last a lifetime. Instead, they would go alone, feeling weird and out of place, and the memories would all be sad memories of how little it was compared to how much they’d thought it would be. Oh, it stirs my heart to remember youth! These occasions all so special, all so fleeting as we race toward adulthood! How sad for Carl and Sunni they would not have a chance to experience the exquisite delight of a big, high-school dance as seniors and in love.

Or, should I say, how sad it was they thought they would not be able to experience such a gift?

It was after soccer practice on the week of the big homecoming game and dance, each of which had been held on a Friday evening for some 100 years. Carl had just finished practice and was heading toward his car, as theater practice would not be held in light of the homecoming festivities. Carl was sweaty and dirty, having opted to head straight home, wearing his little shorts and flouncy tank top, feeling tired and gross. As he made his way around the building toward the parking lot, Matt stepped out of the shadows and blocked his path.

Carl sighed. He was so not in the mood for this. “I’m running late,” he said, trying to step around Matt.

Matt blocked him. “You’re so hot,” Matt said.

Carl rolled his eyes. “I really need to get home.”

Matt advanced into Carl’s space. Carl backed up. Matt advanced. Carl’s back bumped against the side of the building. Matt put a possessive hand on Carl’s hip. “I want you to go to the dance with me.”

Carl tried to slip away, and Matt pressed his body against Carl, pinning him against the wall like a bug. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” Matt said. 

“You’re going with Kennedy.”

“I’ll break it off. I just know we’re supposed to be together.” Matt reached for Carl’s chin, and Carl yanked his head away.  “Asshole!” Carl screamed, and he did what his Mom had told him to do if a boy ever got too rough. He kneed Matt right in the groin.

“Bitch!” Matt gasped, folding over.

Carl ran, sprinting toward the parking lot. He glanced back to see Matt in pursuit, one hand cupping his groin, his eyes burning with rage.

Carl sprinted toward the parking lot. He just had to hope when he cleared the corner of the building there would be other kids there in the parking lot—witnesses, people who could help. He could hear Matt’s footsteps getting closer… closer... he could hear Matt’s ragged breathing…. 

The corner. He just had to get to the corner. “Stay away from me!” He yelled.

“Just listen,” Matt said. “I only want to talk.”

Carl felt Matt grab his ponytail, yank. Carl stumbled; the world tumbled around him as he fell to the ground. “Keep your mouth shut,” Matt growled, standing over Carl, who’d fallen to his knees. Carl’s heart raced; his chest heaved. Every part of him wanted to scream, to run, but he just— froze, staring up at Matt.

Matt smiled down at him. “Just stay there. Just like that,” Matt said.

“Bro,” a deep voice called. “What’s the trouble?”

Carl yelped, rolling to his feet, running and throwing himself into Sunni’s arms. 

“No trouble, bro,” Matt said, backing away. “We were just playing around.” Matt retreated the way he’d come.

Sunni hugged Carl tight, all those strange urges she’d been feeling toward him coming back 1000 times stronger.

“Omigod,” Carl gasped, hugging Sunni, impulsively kissing her on the neck. “Omigod.”

“You okay?” Sunni said, smoothing his hair. “What— did he try something?”

“I’m okay. I’m— thanks to you,” Carl said, feeling so safe and protected, wanting to just stay there in Sunni’s arms.

Sunni, however, began to feel an embarrassing stirring, so she moved Carl away and started running the times tables in her head. Carl felt confused, a little hurt. She’d seemed so friendly, and why was she pushing him away, breaking eye contact?

Sunni almost just made excuses and left. The thought of her pants tenting in public horrified her. She still didn’t want to believe she had a boy thing, and she surely didn’t want it on display. Yet, she felt she needed to talk to Carl about safety. It was too important. She knew he hadn’t been raised a girl. Didn’t know the rules. The dangers. 

I feel I must intrude at this point and offer one of my commentaries. Please indulge this old fool, dear reader. I do try and resist my urge to comment on the action, but sometimes, well, my typing fingers just get the best of me. And so, I crack my knuckles and proceed:

The world remains a dangerous place for females. This danger does not come from disease. Indeed, females have a stronger immune system than males. Nor does it arise from the long held and statistically unsupported notion that women make terrible drivers. In fact, they are safer drivers than men.

So, from where does this increased threat of violence arise? Dragons? Spiders? Hungry ghosts? None of the above. The greatest threat to females comes from males. Yes. Sad but true. Therefore, from the time they are young, girls are taught to be cautious. To be careful. To avoid putting themselves in situations where even a seemingly harmless male might attack them. They receive this training from mothers, grandmothers, all passing down the lore of the female— that men are dangerous. Females must be on guard.

When Carl was small, he heard the phrase “stranger danger.” He was cautioned. But, as with most males, as he got older, bigger and stronger, parental concern dropped away. Carl was not warned about the snares and traps that awaited a female, even at her own school. 

And so, Sunni, feeling all sorts of warm, protective feelings toward slender little Carl, gestured for him to take a seat at a picnic table. “What?” Carl said, rubbing his knee. When he’d hit the ground, he’d bumped it and it was throbbing.

“Just— sit,” Sunni said, mentally running those timetables, trying to keep the tent pole from rising. 

Carl sat on the table, his feet on the bench. He looked at his knee, pleased to see he hadn’t broken the skin. 

“Carl,” Sunni said. “Maybe this isn’t my place, but you shouldn’t be walking around alone if you can avoid it.”

“What? That’s stupid.”

“Look what just happened,” Sunni said.

“That’s not my fault!”

‘It’s not your fault, and it’s not fair, but it’s different for girls. We— you— have to be careful. Walk back to the parking lot with some of the other girls from the team. Don’t go out alone at night. It’s dangerous for females, especially one as pretty as you.”

Carl’s initial annoyance at Sunni’s message melted away. The caring tone of Sunni’s deep, powerful voice, the look of compassion in her eyes, the fact that she’d protected him and was still being protective…. And she’d called him— pretty! His heart fluttered, and he longed to find himself in her arms. Some subconscious part of him took over. He put a hand to his cheek. “I— never— omigod.” He felt tears welling up in his eyes, and he let them.

‘Carl. Hey. Er.” Sunni felt herself getting all knotted up. The sight of Carl starting to cry, the feminine gestures. She wanted to tell him it would be okay, but her verbal ability seemed to flee in the presence of a weeping female.

Carl looked at her, letting his tear-filled eyes get wider. A small sob escaped his lips. He could have opened his arms, invited her in, but he wanted her to make the move to wrap her arms around him…

Sunni, bereft of words, felt she had no choice. She couldn’t just stand there and let him cry. She climbed onto the picnic table and threw one of her meaty arms over Carl’s slender shoulders, pulling him in so he rested his head against her chest. 

Carl’s whole body tingled, and he hid a smile as he nuzzled against Sunni’s hard form. She smelled so good! Omigod, he thought. What is that? He wiggled closer, putting a hand on her stomach. He could hear her heart beating in her chest— the steady thump so calming and strong, and he felt like he’d never felt this close to anyone ever. It was all so strange. The way his body felt. The way his mind was all fuzzy. He’d never felt like this before, and he loved it. 

Sunni felt a wave of confusing masculine emotions swirling in her head. Holding Carl felt so good, and she felt so strong and powerful, and yet her new “friend” was starting to get excited again, and she was in torment both reveling in the feel of Carl’s soft little body pressed against hers, the smell of his strawberry shampoo, and horrified at what all those fun and enjoyable sensations were causing to happen in her pants.

Instinct took over. She put a hand on Carl’s soft thigh. He moaned, sending shockwaves through her body. Carl put a hand on her arm and squeezed. They shifted, entwined, neither thinking, just moving, doing what their bodies insisted. Their lips met, tongues… Not even aware of what he was doing, Carl let his hand trail down Sunni’s rock-hard abs, down until he touched something hard—

“Ahhhhhh!” Carl screamed and scooted away from Sunni.

“Oh, shit,” Sunni said, blushing under her beard as she covered the bulge in her pants with both hands, turning away so Carl couldn’t see her woody. “I’m sorry!” She said. “This stupid thing! It just keeps popping up!”

Carl started to giggle. He’d been shocked as much by the fact that he’d touched a— thing— as he’d been surprised to find Sunni hard, but now seeing her reaction he couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’s not funny!” Sunni said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Welcome to being a guy,” Carl said, covering his mouth, trying to stifle his laughter. “I wish you could see your face right now.”

“Haha,” Sunni said, unable to get over her humiliation. “This is terrible. It keeps doing — you know.”

“I do know,” Carl said. “That’s why— I’m sorry I laughed, but it was because I’ve been there.”

“But— how do you keep it down? Is there a secret?”

“Just practice,” Carl said. “I used to think about baseball.”

“I’ve been trying that,” Sunni said, pushing. “And math.”

Carl giggled. “You love math. Maybe think of something you find super boring.”

Sunni concentrated. “It’s working. Thank God. Again, I am so sorry.” 

“That thing has a mind of its own,” Carl said.

“The way you screamed!”

“I just wasn’t expecting it,” Carl said, still giggling. “I mean, you know. I’m not used to being on this side and I never even thought— don’t worry about it, really. I won’t tell anyone.”

Sunni sighed. “He— it’s— going to sleep.”

“What did you think about?”

“Cloud Atlas. That movie. Boring.”

Carl laughed. “Has anyone ever watched the whole thing?”

“Maybe a masochist.”

It was quiet for a moment. The only sound was the breeze rustling the fading leaves. Then, Sunni chuckled. Carl giggled. Sunni laughed and Carl laughed. They both laughed and slapped knees and shook heads. “Aren’t we the most messed up teen-agers ever,” Sunni said.

“Right?” Carl said.

“Let me walk you to your car,” Sunni said.

Carl felt another little thrill go through him. “Sure.”

As they walked toward the parking lot, an idea grew in Sunni’s mind. No. I can’t, she thought.  It’s dumb. I better not. We are sworn enemies. But then, she considered that maybe she was just afraid, and that if she didn’t act on her maybe crazy dumb idea that she would regret it. “I want you to come to the dance with me,” she said as they turned the corner.

“Like— a date?” Carl said, looking up at her.

Sunni couldn’t read the tone of Carl’s voice. Was that horror? Contempt? For a millisecond, Sunni thought about laughing it off, claiming that she’d been joking. But no. She’d meant it and so she plunged ahead. “Yeah. Will you go to the dance with me, Miss Carli Bright?”

There was a pause. To Sunni it felt like forever. She was sure she was about to be shot down, that Carl was going to laugh in her face. Word would get all over school that she’d asked him, and he’d been like- in your dreams!

But then the sweetest, prettiest smile spread across Carl’s face, and his big, innocent eyes sparkled. “I’d love that!”

Sunni laughed with relief. “Cool! Cool! Cool!”

They started back toward the parking lot. Carl bumped into Sunni on purpose. Sunni bumped back, careful not to use too much of her weight and accidentally knock Carl over. The eyes of the kids hanging out in the parking lot scanned them, everyone curious but also teen cool and wanting to pretend they didn’t care.

“Everyone’s looking,” Carl said with a grin.

They’d arrived at Carl’s car. “Let’s give ‘em something to text about,” Sunni said. Just like that, Carl stepped forward, tilted his head back. Sunni put her hands on his hips and kissed him. Just long enough. “Bye!” Carl sang as he ducked into his car.

“Later,” Sunni said, stepping back so he could pull out.

She got into her car, nodding. This, she decided, was a good day.

Chapter 20

Carl, on the other hand, began to freak his emotions raging like those of any teenager. Why did I say yes? I can’t go to the dance with a guy, even if she was a girl— but he’s so cute, though— do I like her? Him? Am I going crazy? What will everyone say? I should call it off. I should tell Kennedy! I should …. I don’t know what to do!

Resting beneath this menagerie of emotional action figures pitched in relentless combat was a thick, warm quilt of sweet cuddly feelings, an afterglow, as it were, of their second kiss, made all the sweeter by the feeling on Carl’s part that he had used his feminine wiles to lure Sunni into putting those big, manly arms around him.

As he walked into the house, Carl felt he was walking on air, one thought rising above all the others: Omigod! I’m going to the dance with Sunni!

Mom was on the couch, idly toying with her Smart Pad while half watching some wrinkly old judge scream at people fighting over a scratched table. She glanced over at Carl, instantly pushing down her newfound jealousy at his young figure, his young skin… “Hey.”

“Yes,” Carl responded in a dreamy voice. “I do like carrots.” He wandered over to the patio doors and looked out, sighing as he lifted one heel, started twisting his hair around his fingers.

Mom did a double take. That tone of voice. That faraway look in Carl’s eyes. The pensive way he now looked longingly out the patio doors. Could it be? She turned off the television, dropped her Smart Pad and, trying to be as nonchalant as possible, wandered over to the kitchen. “How was school today?” She asked, pretending to look for something in the refrigerator.

“Oh,” Carl said with another soft sigh. “It was fine.” Like most teen-agers, he had an instinctive need to hide his feelings and the “real” of his life from his parents. 

“Anything unusual happen?” Mom kept her tone flat, almost off-hand, not wanting to alert the wary teenager to her prying.

Carl glanced back at her. She could see it in his eyes. He wanted to tell her. Was fighting with himself.

Like the skilled interrogator that she’d become over the years, Mom waited, an expectant, non-judgy look on her face.

Carl started to speak, then stopped. Looked off to the backyard.

Mom hid her annoyance, but just as she was trying to think of a new angle, Carl suddenly spun around, his face bright with excitement. “Sunni asked me to the dance!”

Though Mom had easily discerned that her oldest boy was now a girl crushing like crazy on someone, the news that it was Sunni stunned her. She reeled. Put a hand to her forehead. “Sunni?”

“I know!”  Carl stomped one foot. “It was like— and I was like— then we were both like— you know?”

“I thought you two hated each other.”

“We do. Did. I don’t know anymore.”

“So, what did you say? When she asked you to the dance?”

“Yes,” Carl said, rolling his eyes. ‘I mean, I didn’t want to be rude! But, now I am so— I don’t know. It’s— going to the dance with Sunni? I wonder if I should back out. What should I do?” He walked up to Mom and took her hand. ‘Tell me what to do.”

Mom nodded. This was another chance to overcome her jealousy of her gorgeous son. Be supportive. Bond. “First,” Mom said. “Go upstairs and take a shower. Then, put on something cute. We’re going to the mall.”

“Mall? What?”

“You need a new dress for the dance!”

Carl started to object. Mom put a finger over his mouth.

“New dress. While you’re getting ready, I’ll make an appointment at the salon.”

“Dress? Salon? Mom, it’s just the homecoming dance.”

“Carli. Dear? You have so much to learn about being a girl. Now— scoot!”

Carl did what he was told, completely mystified and yet— kinda loving the way his Mom was totally looking out for him. In truth, his mind had been sufficiently girlified that the thought of shopping and a salon trip made him a little giddy.

While Carl got ready to go shopping with his mom, Sunni found herself sprawled on her bed reading a yellowed, paperback copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. She’d found it on the bookshelf in the “library” as they called Dad’s home office. He’d mentioned it over the years, and it seemed to have had an impact on him back in his college years. With the weird change in their relationship dynamic, she wanted to find some way to understand him better, maybe talk to him about something that wouldn’t trigger his insecurities. 

She’d come upon a quote that perfectly summed up her own feelings about her strange and fleeting senior year:

“We’re in such a hurry most of the time we never get much chance to talk. The result is a kind of endless day-to-day shallowness, a monotony that leaves a person wondering years later where all the time went and sorry that it’s all gone. ”

Everything was changing, and she had long understood logically the progression her life would take. She would leave the only home she’d ever known soon, to go off on her own. Her friends, some of whom she’d known since kindergarten, would scatter to different colleges, different lives. Her mother and father, she knew, would grow more and more distant, less and less central to her life. That was all going to happen, but the whole process had been accelerated by her change. She’d expected to have her whole senior year to have deep conversations with her friends, to engage in a series of small, rolling goodbyes leading up to the big ones, the ones that might be forever at graduation, or when people went off to college. 

She looked at her big, calloused man hands. But then, the Sunni she’d been had been erased, replaced by this- man boy she’d become. Her friends already looked at her like a stranger, and all conversations were awkward, uncomfortable. She’d lost her teammates, would not be there for their games, their awards banquet. 

A tear ran down her cheek, and she went to the window. The leaves of the old oak outside her window had flared a bright red, but were already fading, turning rust colored, and some had fallen, drifting to scatter on the ground at the base of the tree. Sunni felt like one of those leaves on the ground, separate but still in the presence of the tree that had once given her life. Whoever had done this had taken more than just her body, her identity. They’d taken her life. All her friends were gone, and she would never get to have all the experiences she should have had as a senior in high school.

Anger. Hotter than she’d ever felt. She wanted to find the person who did this, beat them down. But she couldn’t, so her anger sought a new target.

Matt. The thought of him and Carli made her gnash her teeth, and she clenched her fist, wanting to smash his face. All the girls knew of his reputation as the kind of boy who didn’t take no for an answer. And, what had happened to Carli? Just about every girl had a story like that— some entitled boy getting aggressive, stalkery. All the pent up anger she’d ever had toward society and men and the way women were treated boiled over, and she reared back, meaning to punch her fist right through the stupid window, watch the shards of glass tumble, flashing in the sunlight—

Whoa. Hold on. She pulled back, shocked at how angry she’d felt, how quick she’d come to getting physical, smashing something. I better go work out, she decided. Before I kill someone.