Trying it on (Patreon)

I'm so happy with how this picture came out. Those of you who have been looking at my art these past few months will already know that I've been using more warped and fish-eye angles when planning out my drawings. It's an ongoing learning process as I've had to unlearn some things I do in order to get the best results, but all of that effort really shines in this picture.

But why even go through all of the trouble? Well for me there's this well needed sense of dynamism as your eye travels across the page. One that really puts you into the scene. One that makes you feel like you could actually reach into the picture and grab something!

But there is a subtext to this picture that I would like do discuss -how it pertains to Derrick Donkey, and what i means for my artwork as a whole.

One month ago I drew another sequence involving Derrick that I titled "Autogynephilia" to which I received some reactions that I wasn't expecting.  At the time I was confused but now after doing some homework I now understand what the issue was.

For those of you who don't know, Autogynephilia is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female. And shortly after discovering it, I fell in love with the word as for me it so perfectly encapsulated a concept that until previously didn't have a name but can be seen numerous times throughout my body of work. Moreover, when I'm drawing I'm not aiming for objectification, I'm aiming for sympathetic arousal.

What does that men? Simply put, I want my audience to put themselves into the picture. I want them to become the character, to project themselves into the moment and get aroused not because something is happening to someone, but because something is happening to them.

In Derrick's case, he is a the sexually repressed every-man who deep down wishes to cast off all sensibly and become hyper-sexualized gynemorph, But Derrick isn't the smartest. He lacks articulation, and so if asked directly all he can say is that he wants to be "pretty". It then follows that when drawing a Derrick picture I want my audience (which is primarily queer furry men) to imagine themselves as Derrick transforming into these big breasted bimbos in a distinctly autogynephilic manner.

BUT what I didn't at the time was that clinically, autogynephilia describes the paraphilia that is theorized to underlie transvestism and some forms of male-to-female (MtF) transsexualism.

Well what does that mean? Well it means that there exists a body of people who theorize that much if not nearly all transgenderism as we see it today is predicated on a fetish. And based on my further research, this theory also points to AGP as being a symptom of further mental illness; invalidating what most transgendered people hold to be as the core of their present identity. Or to put it simply, AGP has been used as a transphobic slur.

And I'm still gonna use it.

Why? Is it because I want to offend people? No.

Is it because I'm the arm of some political movement? No.

Am I some internet edgelord? No.

So why am I going to use it? Its because if I were to delete that word from my vocabulary then I might as well delete any artworks that I attribute to it. Same for shemale (Ariana), tranny (Fru Fru), spic (Carlita), nigger (Gill & Madam), faggot (Leopold, Vouge), cunt (O'hare), and retard (Maple).

Now do I hold any of these words on a pedestal? No. But where they endemic of the countless hours of thought and practice that have gone into making them? Absolutely yes. And I'd be a hypocrite if now after all of this porn -all of this filthy filthy porn- I were to suddenly put on a false face and lie about the dirty mind that dreamt it all up. Or have you forgotten what the name of this page is?

That's right, you may never realized but you're in the labyrinth, and you've been here ever since the first time you fapped to one of my pictures.  -And these characters, these description, and the rest? It takes me hours to finish even a single drawing, and during that time do you think that my brain is just shut off? No! I'm thinking! I'm overthinking! I'm in my laboratory mixing vials and cracking equations so that preponderance of psycho-sexual thoughts in my brain can better transferred onto paper. And thus to reach that end, I will wade and wallow through some of the deepest, darkest, and dirtiest  corners of thought like a current year Aleister Crowley, just so that maybe -just maybe- I can dredge out that single nugget of incite needed to make my artwork better and more potent.

And then if by some chance I happen upon a word, a latin sourced word, that has packs years of independent thought into a neat and tidy bow, I feel that I would be insane to not use it.

Take that as you will. But for me, AGP is neither a clinical definition nor a slur, it has become my philosopher's stone. 

Now if you'll excuse me. I need some beer,,,