Freewrite October 6, 2020 (Patreon)

I found myself a little bit scrambled today. I was walking with my laptop when I just dropped it. It crashed to the floor and I was afraid it would be broken, but it turned out to be fine, luckily. Then, when I was trying to type out an important email, my fingers just weren't cooperating with me. I kept missing letters, or typing out of order so the words came out all jumbled or stuck together. What was going on with me? But what really got me worried was when I got up to pour myself a glass of water, and I suddenly started wetting my pants! I totally spaced out, I just didn't think about the fact that I had to go or even notice. It took me a few seconds to realize what was happening, but by then it was too late. I had a wet streak all the way down my legs, and my crotch was soaked. 

I yelped and ran up to my room to change. 

Isn't it strange that I wet myself out of nowhere? For the rest of the day I've had to concentrate hard to keep from peeing myself. I have to make sure I clench down there or else I could have an accident again. But it's hard to do because I'm just so distractible today. That's why I'm at the ER now. I've been waiting for a few hours and they're just getting ready to admit me. I'll give an update when I'm done with my appointment. 

*Update* Okay, so I'm at the E.R. still. When they called my name and I stood up, I actually peed myself again. It wasn't the worst accident but definitely noticeable. I felt like everyone was staring at me. They brought me back here and checked my vitals - nothing too out of the ordinary but they did say my heart rate was elevated a bit, and I was very dehydrated. They have me on fluids now. It's weird because I've never had an I.V. before. They also had me change into a gown and the nurse put an absorbent pad down under me because of my symptoms. Oh wow. I just noticed it's already wet. What the heck is happening? 

*Update* So the doctor came to see me. He told me that my symptoms are concerning, but not life threatening. He said they can do a blood test in under 30 minutes and let me know more. He also did a throat swab which sucked. It's never a good thing when you suddenly lose your bowel or bladder control, he said. It can indicate serious underlying issues. Luckily I haven't lost my bowel control. The put this tube up my penis - a catheter. It feels weird and everytime I start to pee I feel this tickly feeling inside of me, almost like I'm jacking off, but also a little uncomfortable. He said those were bladder spasms, and they were just part of wearing a catheter. I hope they go away. Oh shit. I just crapped myself. I can't believe this. I need to call a nurse. 

*Update* So they put me in diapers. The diapers feel pretty thin, but I guess this is what they use in hospitals for patients with these issues. The nurse said she'll check on me frequently to see how I'm doing or if I need a change. I thought that was weird since I was just waiting for the blood test, but then the doctor came in and told me the diagnosis. She must have already known. He said that I have regression syndrome, and they need to treat it right away. They're going to keep me in isolation for observation, and hopefully they caught it soon enough to prevent me getting too small. This is really going to throw a spanner in my plans. I have seen how other regressees are treated - people see them as children. They're often taken to lost and found at stores, or asked what they're doing without their parents. I see their frustrated and embarrassed faces as everyone gets down to their height and talks to them like they are really children. And that's just the lucky ones who end up old enough to live on their own. I asked him how far back I might up, but he just frowned and said he didn't know. The nurses are being nice, really sympathetic, and they make me feel as comfortable as I can with the diaper changes, but I feel like there's something they're all not telling me and I hate it. If it's going to be bad, I have the right to know. They don't need to protect me from it. I'm going to have to make some phone calls and start setting things up in case I can't anymore. I'll update later. Wish me luck.

Okay so I informed work, the landlord, the bank, and my immediate family. They're going to check on people I've been around as well - but as you probably already know this syndrome isn't contagious. It's like a virus but nobody knows how it spreads. The last person I called was my boyfriend. I know I'm a hypocrite for saving him for last when I was so upset at the nurses and doctor for not telling me what's going on. I just didn't know how he would take it and I didn't know if I'd be emotionally ready to do all the bank and logistics stuff before I talked to him. He took it about as badly as you could take it. He's already at my apartment taking back all his stuff. Says he wants to be with a man, not a little boy. The staff saw me crying, and probably heard my conversation as well. Things got a bit heated. I don't know what's going to happen next.

*update* The doctor asked if I had any family nearby that could look after me, and I told him I didn't. They're on the other side of the country, and new regressees aren't allowed to travel until they've stabilized - they still don't know how it's spreading but they don't want to take the risk. Then he did something no other doctor has ever done with me. He gave me a hug. I cried into his shoulder and he promised he would make sure I found a place, even if he had to take me in himself. That was really nice of him to say, but I'm sure he just got caught up in the moment. I'm feeling a little tired and it's time for another diaper change. The nurse is waiting, so I'll sign off for now and update later. Wish me luck again, I'll need all I can get.