Store in Danmachi- Side Story: 11 (Patreon)

Title: She Laughs

“Yo, Oshiri-chan~!”

“Hey, it’s the Butcher and his cute victims!”

“Does he make a mess in the bedroom, too?”

“Hey! I got a better one! Does he shout ‘Pick a Position?’”

Jackal and the rest meet a cheerful crowd greeting them inside the homely and welcoming space of the Hostess of Fertility. They are a bit of a celebrity in the establishment as a group of adventurers laugh and empty the seats around Mia’s counter. Not easily embarrassed by such a drunken welcome, Rose, Eina, and Misha accept the seats with disheartened expressions. They have been getting used to the reception ever since they joined under Jackal.

“Damn it! We will never forgive you, Jackal!”

“Damn right! Going on dates with Tulle-san is fine but bedding under the same roof? Why don’t ye gut me right here?!”

Two loud voices shout out in pain, drinking their problems away as Eina feels even more embarrassed by the unlikely duo of the blonde elf and a brown-haired dwarf! Jackal tosses them an amused look before glancing at Eina, pouting, “Your crushes keep following us. Makes me want to kiss you in front of them and pour some salt into their wounds.”

“Please don’t!” Eina whines, accepting the mug of ale from a quiet Syr as Jackal glances at the usually upbeat Witch of the Hostess bringing cups for everyone, something Lili downs in an instant as her unofficial nickname—Oshiri—has gotten a lot more traction which is not ideal for her eventual level up!

“Yo, Syr! Nothing for your Daddy?~!” Jackal inquires whimsically as both of Anya’s tails stiffen while Mia sighs under her breath.

The Blonde Husky always knew better and calmly entered the kitchen for his servings directly from May.

Since Syr was serving Misha, the pinkette’s expression stiffened before a wave of cold sweat covered the former guild employee as if she witnessed something terrifying.

“Drink shit.”

Jackal blinks, surprised to the point of speechlessness since he can hear the whisper despite the rowdy environment that follows the footstep of every drunk adventurer in need of relaxation after a tough day in the Dungeon.

“I don’t think that’s on the menu,” Jackal muses as Syr flinches before beelining into the kitchen without looking in Jackal’s direction even once.

“Did I do something, Mia?” Jackal curiously inquires as she sets a wooden mug filled to the brim in the front for him.

“Maybe,” Mia grunts before smiling. “But I wouldn’t bother her when she gets like this.”

“That was scary~!” Anya strolls to them, pouting and groaning in a whiny tone as her brown furry ears press into her head and her tail nervously sways midair. “I feel bad for Ryuu and May since Chloe and Lunoire got the balcony upstairs.”

“What’s there to be scared of?” Lili questions as Misha suddenly huffs, “No, Anya-chan is right! That was super scary!”

“Hmm!” Lili drinks when she hears the surprised calls of ‘Oshiri-chan’ from the flow of adventurers, especially the female adventurers who like teasing her.

“I heard it doesn’t happen often.” Rose inclines her head, “I never saw her like this. But we only became regulars for the cafe after leaving the guild.”

“I bet I can cheer her up,” Jackal hums while taking in the courage-giving liquid of Mia’s finest. But then again, Jackal was never low on courage. He looks at Mia as she prepares more drinks for the rest of her patrons, “What do you think?”

“I think you’ll crash and burn,” Mia laughs without breaking the focus of her task.

“Tch, such little faith?” Jackal pushes himself up from his stool, gently laying Anya out from Lili’s hoody while at that before raising his glass, “You cheap lot! Whoever makes the nastiest joke to make our Syr smile gets five newly added Butterfree Burst Pouches on the house! Bring your worst!”

The pub goes silent before descending into a chaotic uproar as Jackal sees many eye gleaming before feeling a terribly eldritch presence. His head swivels in the kitchen’s direction, matching a pair of murderous light-grey pupils peeking out. If looks could kill—yes, Jackal would die.

‘Did I accidentally step on her or something?’ Jackal muses, not shying from her gaze until Syr’s expression flickers, and she averts her gaze, returning to the kitchen.

“I told you not to bother her,” Mia smiles at Jackal. A strange annoyance flashes in the retired adventurer’s gaze as she shakes her head. “Don’t blame me if she tries to poison your food.”

“Are you kidding me?” Jackal scoffs. “Have you never had a bite of her cooking? She COOKS poison! What’s the worst she can do?” He grins as he lets the crowd prepare themselves to do his bidding.

‘Being filthy rich is fun~!’

He drinks as he pulls Anya over, asking her to serve them the food instead of Syr if possible.

Jackal isn’t afraid of poisons. But he would still rather not accept food from a pissed waitress.

---

“What do a Boaz, a Weretiger, and a Werewolf say when they enter a pub?” A dwarf grins heartily, questioning Syr as she brings a plate of well-cooked meals to the group’s table, smiling and adding to her usually gentle and playful tone. “They say nothing because they eat food cursed with magic items~!”

She trills and turns on her heels as her smile wanes while the adventurers behind her look between Syr and the food, gulping to themselves.

“Syr! A Dwarf entered the Dungeon—”

“You should kill yourself, Jnorn,” Syr walks past the brown-haired elf as the latter’s expression stiffens while his ‘refined’ elven mates laugh to themselves.

A great many try making Syr laugh or smile throughout the night, and while Syr keeps a strange exterior of a cold, mocking smile, she never really smiles at any joke because she never lets any of them finish.

“It’s a cold slaughter out here,” Lunoire quivers as she stares at the listless expressions of the adventurers. They will remember tonight before assuring their other mates about stuff like—‘The least she can say is no’—because this right here is a massacre!

“Her condition seems even worse,” Chloe assesses and turns to look at Jackal with a pout, “Why did you have to poke at her?”

“Don’t you two have other orders waiting?” Mia cuts in, snapping, “Idle around at your break!”

“We nyever get a break at the same time, Mama!” Anya blinks as Mia snorts, “Exactly. Now off you go. Stop buzzing around the counter and let these girls eat in peace.”

“And your daddy,” Jackal adds after tossing Mia an unamused look as the latter half-shrugs with a smirk.

“Jackal-san,” an eerie voice blows near Jackal as others flinch, leaning back with Syr standing beside Jackal.

“You all haven’t touched your food at all,” Syr gently smiles as she looks at the untouched plates of food on the counter beside Jackal and the girls, as they seem more content with their drinks on repeat tonight.

“I think you added a healthy serving of dish soap in them,” Jackal thins his lips. “I’m intimately familiar with the kitchen’s soap about now.”

“Ah, that,” Syr giggles. “It’s just to hide other scents.”

‘Lady, have you gone crazy?’ All the girls think the same thing at once.

“Did you drink something weird today?” Jackal inquires with a strange look. “Oh, hey, I got one!” He blinks and grins.

“What does Syr says when she eats her cooking?”

Syr and others flinch as Jackal leans forward with interest. “Go on, think carefully. What does a Syr says when she eats her cooking?”

Syr frowns, hesitating to say something, but as her lips part for what Jackal suspects to be another diss, his hands fly quicker than the waitress can expect as he stuffs a spoonful of soap-lathered rice into her mouth.

*Gulp*

Syr swallows accidentally like the bad girl she’d been tonight before her face turns purple, and she rushes into the kitchen without another word, leaving Jackal’s surroundings stunned!

“What was that, Nya!” Anya gasps, her brown ears perk up as she quickly looks at Mia, hearing Jackal speak: “Did she expect to be treated like a goddamn goddess after shitting on everyone’s mood?” he shrugs, looking at Mia. “It’s not against your rules if one of your girls gets her just serving, right?”

Mia narrows her eyes at Jackal, placing her paradoxically slender yet dwarvenly muscular hands on the counter. “You planned this from the get-go,” she notes with certainty as Jackal snickers, nodding, “Damn right. It was either making her laugh- easing her mood or screwing it to hell. I don’t mind washing dishes and whatnot, but she was testing my nerves for no good reason.”

Mia stares at Jackal for a little while longer as tensions increase in the air around them. Many bore witness to the Butcher’s act of directly culling the Witch’s dominance, and they gulp, waiting for the final verdict from the great Mama!

“Pufft,” Mia’s expression suddenly breaks into a muffled chuckle before she throws her head back and laughs out loud for some reason, “Bwahahahahahahahaha~!” She smacks her hand on the counter, laughing as loud as her lungs can accommodate, shocking the entire pub!

“That’s good!” Mia wipes a tear from the corner of her eyes. “That’s good parenting, kid.”

“Ho?” Jackal looks at his dear employees and girlfriends, sighing wryly, “You guys should return without me tonight. Mama and Daddy have some late-night stuff to discuss. I might not survive the ride but take solace in the knowledge I went all out!”

“Hmph, as if!” Lili snorts, her face beet red as she hugs her mug to her face. “Jackal-sama promised to survive and return safely. He never breaks his promises~!”

“That’s enough for you,” Jackal snatches Lili’s mug as she whines. After all, Lili, Rose, and Misha drank pretty heavily in exchange for not touching their food, while only Jackal and Eina retained their sobriety since the latter didn’t touch alcohol in the first place.

“So?” Jackal leans further on the counter, standing from his stool to easily match the dwarf’s gaze. “Do I get a reward for making the fairest woman laugh?”

Mia leans forward in a similar fashion, grinning, “Look around you and ask me the same thing again.”

Jackal blinks and looks around to see the pouting trio of Eina, Rose, and Lili glaring in his direction. And there are a few more pair of envious glances from other female adventurers in the pub and the rather angry stare of a lemon-haired, blue-eyed elf staring at him from the kitchen’s entrance.

“Ryuu,” Jackal flinches under the gaze of one friend he has come to respect—his dishwashing buddy. “Syr started it.”

Ryuu turns on her heels without a word as Jackal sits back with a defeated expression.

“Damn it, I won. But at what cost?”

***

Alternate Title: Jackal Takes No Shit From The Witch; The Ancient Parenting Trick: You Either Help Your Child Laugh Or Give Them a Real Reason To Cry; Jackal Giving Syr Multiple Chances; Syr Chooses The Butcher Over Jackal; The Consequence of Shitty Behaviour; Syr Butchering The Crowd; The Pretty Smile, Deadly Eyes; Syr’s New Hate Boner?; Jackal: Ryuu! Believe Me!; A Buzzed Crowd; Play With The Bull, Get The Horn; Lili: Jackal-Sama! You Must Survive Mia and Everyone Else Before I- I…; Syr’s Mood Shift; Jackal Experiencing A Whole Different Side of Syr; Syr Experiencing a Whole Different Side of Jackal; The Dishwashing Experience; Making The Fairest Laugh! *Ryuu Disagrees*; Syr Eating Her Own Flavored Medicine