Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse: 240 (Patreon)

Title: Truth of Man and God (2)

Kai would never do something so unquestionably bizarre and stupid if he didn’t observe the group’s expression when he questioned—“If I say I’m from Iwagakure and want to create a peaceful environment right now, would you all turn against me?”

He believes in many things—working on relationships, stealing candy from kids—orphans especially, since they don’t have parents, so why must they have sweets? And he also believes in half-truths. But what if two of his beliefs conflict? He can understand at a glance that Tsunade feels a little pissed about him hooking up with Orochimaru. Any mongrel will say Tsunade should just stop half-assing things and get on the Kai-ride. But Kai can empathize with Tsunade.

She must precisely feel what Kai feels when Tsume metaphorically sniffs around the goods since he stops the energetic junior from sticking her nose against his balls.

Hasn’t Kai decided to do Tsume in once she is sixteen or above and her chakra puberty kicks in completely, turning her similar to most young adults of his previous world, if not a complete bombshell?

Mikoto was the same until she eventually got over things due to Kai’s chakra puberty kicking far earlier through training.

But Tsunade’s case can be more extreme than Kai and Mikoto's since she is much older. Again, Orochimaru barely cared for it due to her unimaginably skewed morality, but Kai has to help if he can. And this urge conflicts with his case of stating half-truths.

“Are you going to say something?” Tsunade raises an eyebrow. She and Kai’s clone are inside her office. He looks thoughtful, lips opening before they close again.

“Look, if it’s because of Orochimaru, I don’t care. You could be fucking worse things in existence, like Jiraiya. Or Danzo’s husk.”

Kai cringes at the thought as he scoffs with disgust, “It isn’t that!”

“Ho? Did you finally get a thing for one of your students? Is it Shizune?” Tsunade’s interest visibly builds as Kai blinks. “You and your Sensei are the same. He had the same ‘fears’ when I picked my team. But no, I don’t have a thing for them.”

‘They are just one of the greatest sources of SP.’ He giggles internally.

“Then what is going on?” Tsunade tilts her head. “You didn’t even seem so troubled when saying you plan to bang your way through in building trust within other Shinobi Villages.”

Kai frowns. He decided before he wouldn’t reveal his past to others because it didn’t matter. But Tsunade could feel better after learning a little bit about it.

No, he didn’t have concerns like someone locking him up and trying to find some secrets. Like what? About televisions and cinema? Traits? If anything, his previous world will be more interested in this world of chakra! Not to mention—can ANYONE in Konoha imprison him? He isn’t boasting his strength but his web of Hiraishin! There is another thing. The duo agreed Tsunade would build their relationship at her pace, so telling her the truth and nudging her forward works against his word.

Since everything is fine on the surface, Kai has every reason except his gut not to tell her—his gut. He may not be the wisest about girls compared to dismembring an enemy most efficiently. But his desire and moderate experience living with three women seem against the idea of not telling Tsunade. It’s as if he will miss out on something exceptional!

But what will he miss out on?—Kai can’t tell.

“So? There is something you should know about me,” Kai isn’t the one to ignore his intuitions, especially after his trait stopped suppressing his emotions. The previous Kai would consider his current action irrational, and he won’t make moves of any romantic kind. After all, his maidenless mind from before considered sex the natural way of producing children, and he didn’t view children as productive in any manner—so he died maidenless.

So, even if this turns out to be a mistake, as long as it’s his choice, he is okay with the consequences.

“Something about you?” Tsunade nods. “Go ahead.”

Kai taps his finger on her desk, hesitating. Will there come a day when he has to tell everyone he isn’t of this world? How swell would it be if someone from another world existed here—someone who could empathize with the situation! ‘Speaking of coming from another world, what about other planets? Does chakra promote some eldritch space creatures? It would be amazing to capture and research one of them. But I shouldn’t play around the bush.’

He exhales sharply, stating everything at once.

“I know you feel a little weird between us. And I wasn’t going to say anything, but I would feel shitty if something preventable happened down the line. I’m aware how you’ve stopped giving a shit about the public’s opinion on the matter, but it must be hard since you somewhat believe it’s wrong.” He looks down at the table. “I’m a man, Tsunade. Since I was four years old, I have been a man.”

“Is this some strange mental gymnastic about orphans maturing earlier than other children? Or did you chance upon some smut and thought—yep, I’m a man now,” Tsunade smiles, leaning her chin on her elbow-propped hands over the table.

“No,” Kai huffs.

“Then?” Tsunade raises an eyebrow. Kai is too brilliant not to understand what he is speaking. “You are a man? Just like that?”

“I have the mind of a man from way before.”

Tsunade would be shocked if she didn’t already imagine some strange jutsu as her gaze sharpened.

“Don’t tell me you’re actually from another Shinobi Village. I won’t act like a rabid animal and attack you after what we’ve been through. And I know you don’t bear ill-intentions against any… one faction alone,” she smirks by the end and finishes, “So? Did I get it right?”

“Yep!” Kai grins before smacking his face. His shoulders drop as he admits, “Well, no. It would be weird if what you said was the reality. We’re against clone smut, remember? How weird would it be if I knew my true body is out there and I’m using someone else’s dick to rail the women I love.”

Tsunade puckers her lips with disgust as Kai nods, “Exactly.”

“So? You feel pity for me, and now you have some story about you being a man?” Tsunade narrows her eyes, anger visibly flickering in her gaze as she snorts. “Don’t think so low of me!”

“I don’t!” Kai snaps slightly before pinching the bridge of his nose. “What I mean to say is you were partially correct. This body wasn’t mine, but it was mirrored off mine. But my true body doesn’t exist anymore. And I am… not of this world.”

‘There, I said it!’ He looks at Tsunade. “I’m from another world and was a thief—and the best of my profession! But it was too boring for various reasons, and I lacked every speck of emotion. It’s honestly amazing I even got into stealing things. That’s it, Tsunade. I don’t look down on you in any manner. If anything, I’m glad you didn’t break things off between us. Sure, my body’s growth mattered a lot since I didn’t look like an actual kid but—”

“Shut it,” Tsunade interjects with a frown. “You’re from another world? Prove it.”

“How can you even prove that?” Kai blinks. “But you can attribute my talent to that. One of the reasons I’m so great at what I do now is my origin.”

Tsunade keeps staring at Kai until he urges her, “Say something already.”

“I don’t know what to say. What if I told you I’m from another world out of a sudden? How would you respond?”

“Great! It will make things simpler!” Kai snickers as Tsunade huffs.

“You’re trying to say you were a proper man in mind when you and Nono used to go through my drawers and shelves?” Tsunade questions calmly as he looks away.

“Maybe?” Kai thins his lips.

“And you were a man while yapping about harem and whatnot?”

“I still do.”

“That’s right,” Tsunade nods and sinks into a contemplative silence. The dim office room looks a notch eerie as Tsunade stares at her desk while Kai waits for a response—until he gets one.

“I admit I started approaching a different train of thought once you revealed your goals at the end of our first date,” Tsunade begins. “I wondered if it’s possible. My grandfather shared the Tailed-Beasts to raise the level of other Shinobi Villages so they don’t fear Konoha. I guess he had the same ambition as you but with a more decent approach. I don’t know what I’ll think if my grandfather said he’ll unite the Five Shinobi Villages with the power of Harem of all things!”

She chuckles, “But I started thinking differently. If peace is an option, I must think about mitigating losses on all sides—which failed when I killed Takigakure’s elites and captured A’s son. It led to the raid on Konoha and more losses—more hatred. You were right. I can’t think of any outsider uniting the five forces externally under one rule. I can imagine the Shinobi Villages uniting against a shared foe, like the stranger stealing our information—but uniting under one name alone? No.”

Her expression turns from confusion to slight appreciation.

“That switch you talked about. Was that from your previous world, if you’re telling the truth in the first place?”

“It is,” Kai nods.

“Hmm.” Tsunade glances at him. “Can you imagine? I think you may really do it. I wasn’t drinking my troubles away after the raid ended. I wasn’t depressed about the deaths. Deaths happen, even if this raid happened because of me indirectly. I don’t believe Kumo and Iwa are the kind to sit and wait passively. So, I realized making peace with these warring men is impossible. Other Shinobi are taught we left the Warring Era, but we simply raised the stakes— From Clan to large Villages. Even when I tried thinking differently, it’s easy to—”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kai cuts in, “I didn’t tell you the truth to hear what you feel about this world’s political situation. Did you think I thought that much? No! I’m uniting the Shinobi villages, have the greatest harem, and shit on civilian nobles who think they are better just because they can achieve a fraction of my harem dream by categorically forcing other women into becoming their concubines!”

Tsunade stares at Kai with shock—What about leaving a peaceful legacy for your children, ehm, OUR children?

“Even if I didn’t think too far ahead, I know my transition won’t come peacefully. So, I’ll just remove the oppositions peacefully or ‘persuade’ them with my roguish charm if they are especially hot chicks!” He sniffs proudly at his idea. “I told you the truth because I wanted you to stop feeling wrong, get down on your knees—”

“If you say I have to propose to you…” Tsunade growls. Like hell, she will ruin her emotional moment in such a dim room!

“—and suck me off!” Kai changes his words as easily as he breathes as Tsunade rolls her eyes.

“You cannot expect me to accept you were always a man right off the bat!”

“I can!”

“Then I’ll have to beat the shit out of you and hospitalize you out of the fairness of my heart. Because I would send Jiraiya there with the same fate if he pulled half the shit you pulled over the years!” Tsunade slaps her table with controlled strength, yet cracks expand from the point of impact.

Kai sighs softly, “I suppose it’s unfair of me to ask you to accept all of it instantly. I’m sorry, really.”

“About what?” Tsunade issues a sigh of her own as she sits again.

“Huh? Oh, not you. My real body is talking with Kyubi, and I guess our control loosened in this bout of emotion.”

“So, you aren’t sorry at all?” Tsunade’s eyelids twitch in response.

“I am?” He cocks his head. “Wait, I am!” He blinks. “Yeah. You wouldn’t have felt bad if you knew the truth and also would have gotten more time to accept things.”

Tsunade works her jaw at his insincere response before scoffing, “You’re a stupid bitch if you think I’ll forgive you easily. For fuck’s sake! You fucked Orochimaru!”

“So you are angry about that.”

“Damn right, I AM!”

“But why though? She has nothing on you,” Kai questions. “If anything, Orochimaru should be jealous of you since we’re taking things slow.”

“Think from Orochi’s side. Does she think that way?” Tsunade huffs in annoyance.

“Oh, no fucking way,” Kai smirks and shakes his head.

Tsunade grunts at his response before snapping her fingers, “I want your true body here at once. I’ll start ‘accepting’ things after appropriate actions are met!

***

Alternate Title: Baby, I’m Your Man; Emotions Can Be Conflicting; Kai Enjoys All Kinds of Emotions; Tsunade’s Political Views *Kai: Boring! Show Me Some TITs!*; The World Beyond; Kai’s Wish To Meet Otherworlders Ain’t Going The Way He Thinks; The Otherworld Man and God; The Unprepared Truth; Tsunade Cannot Wrap Her Head Around The Truth.*Kai*: Bet You Can Wrap It Around—; Orochi is Sexually Unscrupulous; Kai’s Shitting on Other’s Harem For Fun. *Orphans Breathes in Relief*; Kai Didn’t Retake His Emotions for Politics! He Did it For Dem Bobas!; Tsunade About To Make Kai ‘BEG’—For More; Who’s Going To Catch Kai If They Know the Truth?

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A/N: If you know my other works, you know I don’t make their other worlds such great and mysterious points. This should be even more prominent in Naruto later cause of goddesses like Kaguya and whatnot.