RE: Filthy Gamer In Narutoverse—43 (Patreon)

Title: Enduring Positivity

Hentai Shinobi Rule 43: Smut addiction isn’t real. It cannot hurt you if you’re a tough nut.

***

Look deep within yourself and ask—what is the purpose of life? Anyone with a working hormonal system and emotional spectrum has suffered existential crisis throughout their life, be they a toddler when they stopped suckling on their mother’s breast, a kid who suffered the poor betrayal of being led to the dentist’s office after being promised the family was visiting Dickney World, a teen who found that rubbing some oil on his dick won’t make it grow more than their genetic limitations, an office worker who realized that being a boss bitch without respect for their partners would land her right where she started—on the streets, or an old father who faced with the consequence of his decision of being a TOUGH father on his kids in the form of My Villain Academia loving gay-thot-son and a closeted daughter that fulfilled her fantasies by shoving a Goto or Gejo figurines as a makeshift dildo—sometimes both at once.

When he opened his nightstand drawer, Kai faced a similar crisis and realized something was missing. It was as if someone tore him apart, reached for his testicles, and snatched them away with a ruthless tug once he failed to locate the slut that had been waiting in his room.

They were gone.

Oh, Rikudo!

Kai fell to his knees.

What has he done?

He should have fed her (he still hoped the slut to be a ravishing Kunoichi). He shouldn’t have teased the slut for months and annoyed her.

‘I should have been better,’ Kai exhaled, dramatically gazing at the ceiling with a listless look that would have the likes of Kushina and Mikoto worried for the youth at a glance.

‘I had just begun growing. A few more years—that’s all! Was it too much to ask?’ Kai mourned the loss of one of the best sluts in the world that would have been the BEST tool to master his ero skills.

Now where would he ever find such a slut—

“Kai! Hurry up! Granny fell unconscious!”

Kushina’s panicked scream tore Kai out of his theatrics as he moved swifter than a gust of autumn wind the second he heard Mito’s name.

Sluts be damned! Mito would always be his top priority!

<<<>>>

Did Mito believe what she did was morally ethical?

Nope.

But did she think she was good at it?

Most definitely.

So, Mito acted the part of a worn, old-aged woman well beyond her prime, blearily blinking with a soft, shuddering groan as she tried sitting up with tubes attached to the back of her left hand. The gentle stirring of her body attracted her well-wishers’ attention as Mito heard hurried whispers.

“Call Tsunade-sensei, Dattebane!”

“Just press the fucking button. I ain’t leaving Mito-sama!”

Mito almost smiled despite herself. At least she was satisfied knowing her two wards would look after each other after her ‘passing.’ So, the act continued—breathing needed to be a strenuous task as she felt a familiar calloused palm on her shoulder instead of her lips or feet.

“Please rest, Mito-sama. You had a bad fall.”

Mito heard Kai, yet she steadily sat up and ‘dazedly’ observed her room. One glance at the nearby window with a potted plant on the ledge showed it was early afternoon. Of course, there were no bandages on her body. Even amongst her kind of red-haired brethren, Mito stood out in the department of recovering from one’s injuries despite her old age—at least when she used to be aged. Add her resident furry beast to the equation, and her recovery was off the charts.

However, Mito was sure that wouldn’t be the case this time. She made sure of that.

Eventually, Mito woke from her daze, forming a smile as she regarded the anxious duo sitting by her side.

“Don’t look so upset,” Mito chuckled wearily. “You said I fell?”

“Yes, dattebane!” Kushina gushed with reddened eyes. “Why didn’t you ask anyone to help you climb the stairs to the roof?!”

Even Kai had similar indignations but refrained from voicing them, with Kushina doing such an excellent job for the duo. He always accompanied Mito to the roof. Heck! He recalled asking her if she wanted to visit it despite Mito not having climbed those stairs for some time. However, Mito denied the offer.

*Click*

Tsunade hurriedly entered the room with a severe look. She sat beside the duo before glancing at her team. “You and Mikoto have yet to get the hang of Mystic Palms. Go, train.”

“But—”

Tsunade interjected Kushina as she addressed Kai. “Overlook their training.”

“What—”

Even Kai’s eyes briefly widened. Like hell he would leave Mito’s side! Yet, Mito cleared her throat, speaking with apparent weakness.

“Listen to Tsunade,” Mito whispered, punctuating each word with a small gasp for air.

Bristled, Kushina snorted as she left the room with indignant stomps. Meanwhile, Kai worked his jaw before shooting Tsunade an annoyed glare as he bowed to Mito. “Please take care of yourself, Mito-sama.” He whispered before leaving as Tsunade heaved deeply.

“I should have noticed it earlier,” Tsunade began after a period of silence. “I should have called you out the second I noticed your briefly rejuvenated skin. Why couldn’t you just be more mindful of your age?” The blonde granddaughter unconsciously adopted an accusatory tone. “How hard would it have been for you NOT to try dangerous experiments on yourself?”

She lowered her head, fists clenched above her thighs. The thick yellow bangs hid Tsunade’s profile from Mito as the former’s voice wavered. “Just what is with you guys and your need for experiments? Can’t you sit still? Fuck! Just what do I need to do to make you understand you could have asked for my help?!”

Mito’s gaze flickered as she hid the momentary guilt before exhaling softly.

“Tsunade…”

“Your body is breaking apart,” Tsunade cut Mito off. “You tried tampering with your cells. I will try to think of a way to solve the issue. However, you cannot be admitted to the Hospital because the seal around the residence keeps you safe. Also, that creature will try its best to worsen your condition.”

“WHAT? Bitch! I can’t do anything! Your grandmother’s the DEVIL!”

Mito shook her head.

“I wanted to see if I could get young.”

“Why?” Tsunade sighed. “You should have just used the Transformation Jutsu.”

Mito calmly met Tsunade’s glassy eyes. “It was never about feeling young, Tsunade. My youth is what I gave to Konoha. Do you know why I’m leaving in a sealed estate?”

Tsunade shook her head.

“It was constructed within the week after Madara and Hashirama battled. While I sustained for the battle’s duration, I would have died if not for Hashirama promptly sealing the Biju inside me. However, Madara committed the damage he sought. To prevent similar issues, Hashirama, Tobirama, and I devised the seal around the residence to keep the external influences from tampering with the seal on my body.”

Tsunade’s bottom lip quivered. “I never knew that.”

“That’s the day I lost my freedom,” Mito heaved. “And a week later, I lost Hashirama. You were still a kid back then.” The woman chuckled. “Your parents were more than eager to try new things at an early age. Of course, I beat their asses, and Hashi couldn’t do a thing.”

Tsunade couldn’t help but smile at Mito’s reminiscence.

“Dear,” Mito warmly regarded her granddaughter. “I was just bored. I’m going to die. So, I wished to recall how I felt when I was young. I figured the data from my experiments can help you cope with the disadvantages of the jutsu you can use after you finalize ‘that’ seal.”

“What?” Tsunade grew alarmed. “That’s why you did it? Because you were bored and wanted to help me?”

“NO! She’s a filthy slut that loves to act like one! Open your damn EYES! She gets wet when she sees YOUR face plastered with—”

Mito shook her head.

“Don’t feel sad, Tsunade. I know you hate human experimentation.”

“You FUCKING LIAR! Let me out! You voyeuristic WHORE!”

Tears brimmed in the corner of Tsunade’s eyes as she bit her bottom lip.

“I never asked your help!”

“You never asked your sweet grandma to raise a raging pervert, too! BUT SHE DID!”

Mito sighed before gently reaching for Tsunade’s hair. Brushing her granddaughter’s locks, Mito chuckled, “You never needed to ask for anything, Tsunade. However, I don’t want you to experience the same things I did. One day, you will use that Jutsu, and it will steal your life. How can I ever meet your father without leaving with some assurances?”

“Shoulda thought of that before licking cum off your face!”

Tsunade quietly sobbed as Mito continued stroking her hair.

‘Will you shut up?’ She grunted internally. ‘Don’t act like you don’t get in heat inside me.’

“STOP! THAT NEVER HAPPENED!”

<<<>>>

Power in the Shinobi World was neither money nor status. Gaining these was possible with two aspects of the shinobi-kind—chakra and skills to wield it. So, it wasn’t a wonder that a Clan boasting to exist since the olden era, long before the warring era, kept records of creatures of unimaginable chakra given flesh and form. These creatures possessed such skills that they freely roamed the continent's surface until mankind grew to match them—if not in raw power, then certainly in skills. Some Shinobi held skills beyond the scope of these creatures.

It was an open secret within a few clans and Konoha’s higher-ups. Mikoto knew of these creatures, too—beings defined by the number of tails they possessed—from one to nine. Like Mikoto, Kai eventually knew about these creatures, the Bijuu. Yet, despicably, it did nothing to change the youth’s taste for foxes. It perhaps made the idea all the more lurid for Kai.

One-Tailed Ichibi.

Two-Tailed Nibi.

Three-Tailed Sanbi.

Four-Tailed Yonbi.

Five-Tailed Gobi.

Six-Tailed Rokubi.

Seven-Tailed Nanbi.

Eight-Tailed Hachibi.

And—

Nine-Tailed Kyubi.

Each of their chakra reserves defied common sense. Suspected to be the weakest of its peers, Ichibi posed chakra similar to, if not more than, a few Kages! Nobody entertained the idea of defeating such creatures until one man rose from the masses, ending the warring era with peace and surging the Shinobi’s era by capturing these walking natural disasters—Hashirama Senju. Once the word of these creatures’ mortality spread, everyone sought to tame these beasts that were no longer infallible in their eyes. Many failed, but one notable faction didn’t.

Sunagakure successfully captured and sealed Ichibi. However, marveling at such acts of courage was not in Mikoto’s mind as she held a sobbing Kushina in her arms with a surprisingly gloomy Kai constantly clenching pieces of white paper in his palm to turn them black.

Team 9 was to train. However, Kushina couldn’t get a single word in as she broke down immediately after Kai locked the door of their training room. Only then did Kai reveal what happened to Mito. Surprisingly, it was nothing compared to the shock of what the crying Kushina revealed afterward, further setting Kai’s mood into an abyss.

“It will be fine,” Mikoto consoled as she stroked her best friend’s hair. They sat on the floor, with Kushina crying in the former’s lap.

A Jinchuriki.

That’s the title of the individuals that contained and sealed a Bijuu inside them. One of the many reasons everyone in Konoha respected Mito Uzumaki was her tight grip on the strongest bijuu captured by Hashirama Senju—the Kyubi.

‘But to think Kushina arrived here to be the next Jinchuriki,’ tears formed in Mikoto’s eyes as she hugged her friend tighter. It was a grave sacrifice. Kushina would become the next Mito Uzumaki, forever confined in the Uzumaki estate after Lady Mito’s passing. From the looks of it, that day wasn’t far.

‘Could I become the Jinchuriki?’ Kai turned another strip of paper black. It would be a lie if Kai hadn’t considered Kushina’s responsibilities. However, he always felt he had more time.

‘Being a Jinchuriki would fuck my life up,’ he glanced at the gut-wrenching scene of the inconsolable Kushina in Mikoto’s lap. ‘Not as fucked up as what I’m witnessing now. I’d also make a better nuke than Kushina.’ He wasn’t unaware of why the Shinobi villages craved such creatures in a term—chakra nukes.

‘Let’s see,’ Kai narrowed his eyes. ‘Why would anyone think Kushina makes a better Jinchuriki than me? Is it the difference in our chakra reserves? Or can only the Uzumaki be a Jinchuriki? I have too little information, but my guess shouldn’t be too far off the mark.’

However, Kai cannot help but look at things from another perspective. Sure, being a Jinchuriki would suck hard, but what about Mito? She fulfilled the role until now without being depressed. He wasn’t trying to be insensitive despite his knack for it. Would the role of Jinchuriki actually be the worst when compared to, say, the role of a straight Anbu sent to a raging homosexual lord’s mansion to spy on him? Take it a step further. What is the lord was a Shinobi, and the Anbu couldn’t use genjutsu to satisfy the man. Fuck it. What if the Shinobi Lord had a sex dungeon?

Wasn’t the Anbu cooked?

It was just Kai’s perspective. However, it did little to alleviate what he felt when watching Kushina crying her eyes out.

The usual grind that should have helped Kai failed to assist the youth feel better as he let go of another darkened paper before approaching Kushina. Mikoto glanced at him with some relief as he crouched beside Kushina to calmly thread his fingers through her vivid red locks.

“Kushina?” Kai whispered as the girl flinched before she looked up from Mikoto’s dampened lap. Tears and snot marred the round, cheeky devil’s face as he offered a comforting smile to the hiccuping girl.

Kai wanted to say many things, some outrightly traitorous to his role as a Shinobi. For instance, Kai wanted to admit he would effortlessly smuggle her out of Konoha if she did not want to be the next jinchuriki. Kai would readily square up against the beast or let it ravage Konoha—consequences be damned. However, he fished a handkerchief to clean her face, whispering, “Let’s ask Sensei for a short vacation to keep Mito-sama company. How about it? No missions, late mornings, and just helping Mito-sama around with many things.”

Kushina would have instantly agreed if not for knowing her guardian.

“But you love missions,” she sobbed, her eyes tearing up again.

‘Eh. I love grinding SP.’

Kai shrugged.

“Not more than Mito-sama and you,” he grinned as Mikoto’s expression stiffened.

“Kai?” Mikoto whispered. “What is that?” She pointed at the soft cloth against Kushina’s face. Even Kushina sniffed and looked at the article in Kai’s hand.

“A handkerchief—”

Kai shrugged before looking at the pale-green silken artifact. His hand froze in motion.

Ah, so that’s why it felt softer than before.

“W-Whose panties are these?” Mikoto stammered with a baleful look in her eyes. Even Kushina momentarily forgot her woes and calmly stared at Kai.

“Mine.” Kai lied through his cheeks and continued ahead like a true man.

“Stop! That’s not yours! I know your laundry!” Kushina tried snatching Kai’s wonderful treasure as he hurriedly pulled back.

Even Kai’s heart shuddered with pain as he dodged fearsome blows from his teammates.

‘Why’d I ruin my loot from Sensei’s house by cleaning Kushina’s snot? Fuck. I’ll have to wash’em!’

<<<>>>

*Purururu*

Bubbles flowed through the pale yellow liquid within tall, tubular glass containers sealed on both ends with some treated metal lids resistant to the elements. Thin tubes connected several other lids, forming an eerie network of the unknown liquid within which scraps of flesh floated. The entire room—a laboratory—was dimly lit, its walls and ceilings a description of steampunk, with several metal pipes of different dimensions crawling from one end to another, carefully fixed to keep them from overlapping. Aside from the human-sized glass containers covering one side of the wall, somewhat tilting back at its axis, a spectator would witness three hospital beds lined neatly opposite the entrance.

*Tuc Tuc Tuc*

Soft clattering sounds echoed in the underground lab beside the middle bed—occupied by someone. Calling this being a human would be a stretch, be it the rough, darkened bark-like skin, deathly black sclera around the empty yellow orbs, hardened flesh around the forehead fashioned into a singular spiral horn jutting from the middle of the forehead, or sharpened shark-like teeth. This creature lay on its side, its eyes blankly meeting a lone annoyed glare, for Danzo, too, was put on his side.

It was on purpose. Many knew how Hiruzen’s disciples possessed an innate affinity with humor. Jiraiya’s perverted humor was tolerated by a few, often well-received by lonely civilian women with a taste for a Shinobi’s endurance. Tsunade’s drunk humor landed many in hospital beds, Dan Kato being one of the unfortunate few. And Orochimaru’s morbid humor was only witnessed by a few. Danzo was one of those grievous few as he gritted his teeth, feeling a scalpel open his right arm before Orochimaru’s fingers spread the wound to inspect something.

“Hmm. Quite barbaric,” Orochimaru hummed, a gloved hand shoved within Danzo’s bicep. “Ah, did I thank you for getting me the specimen I requested on such short notice?”

“No,” Danzo hissed slowly.

“Well,” Orochimaru smiled, ruthlessly yanking another tear from Danzo’s strange, greyish arm. “Thank you.”

Danzo’s body trembled, craving some painkillers. The lone root operative guarding the entrance did little to hide his killing intent as he reached for his sword.

“Oh, come on,” Orochimaru’s smirk widened as he turned to look at the Root member. “You know how it would end. Besides, I’m entitled to vent after witnessing what you did with poor Nawaki’s remains.”

The chalk-skinned man shook his head. “And I cannot stress this enough. Medications will interfere with the process. Just say the word, and I will use it.”

“It’s fine,” Danzo spoke through the pain, showing none of it on his features.

So, Orochimaru expertly scraped off every bit of greyish flesh. Its consistency matched a tree’s bark before applying a strange brown salve on Danzo’s bleeding arm. He then bandaged the offending arm before smiling at his work. “Give me some time with this material, and you’ll have the results you expect.”

Danzo and his Root member soon left the lab as Orochimaru sank in silence while gazing at the material across the bloodied hospital bed. Recollections of the eager kid filled his mind before Orochimaru sighed and isolated them into another batch of containers.

‘How much of this material did Danzo duplicate?’ Orochimaru mused while sitting on a chair. He had no doubts Danzo wouldn’t leave the ‘diseased’ flesh if he did not possess more material. However, Danzo’s team was either foolish, incompetent—or a hilarious fusion of the two since they readily believed they had prepped Hashirama Senju’s DNA sample enough to be molded into another individual without considering one crucial aspect—chakra.

Again, Chakra was always a sophisticated concept.

Why did a Hyuga’s gentle fist only temporarily paralyze another Shinobi instead of outrightly poisoning the target’s system with external chakra? Why didn’t Genjutsu achieve the same effect? Because the amount of chakra is too minute. It allowed the target’s chakra network to fight back and expel these forces. The same was the case with Genjutsu once the Shinobi realized the deception.

Yet, why did chakra born from Hashirama Senju’s cell threaten to end Danzo’s chakra coils? In Orochimaru’s expert opinion, it might have something to do with the living Hashirama Senju possessing as much chakra as a Bijuu, if not more! Of course, he cannot accurately enumerate someone’s chakra reserves. Still, he knew enough to realize that the physical changes from Hashirama’s cells would create a grave imbalance in Danzo’s physical and spiritual energies. There were other factors, of course. Sharing of one’s chakra reserves wasn’t unheard of. There are a few Hiden across the Shinobi villages displaying such effects. An adequate mastery of Medical Ninjutsu also allowed its practitioners to match the yin-yang balance of the target’s chakra and refill one’s exhausted reserves.

It boiled down to how Danzo wished to accept Hashirama Senju inside of him.

One of the ways was well-accomplished by Mito Uzumaki—getting down and dirty.

Despite similar experiences, Danzo wanted to adopt a purer path. How sanctimonious.

‘Well, Danzo would never be able to master wood release if that’s what he’s aiming for,’ Orochimaru narrowed his eyes. ‘Anything new from this material can theoretically learn that Kekkei Genkai. However, Hashirama Senju wasn’t great due to the wood release. Records depict the Kekkei Genkai before him. If anything, Hashirama Senju raised the wood release’s status to its current divine pedestal. Poor Tsunade. She got a fat bounty on her head because of her relationship with Lord First.’

The thought of Tsunade made Orochimaru sigh. Should he inform her? Someone defiled her brother’s remains to defile her grandfather’s remains. Orochimaru would want to know all this had he been raised in a loving household. Fortunately, orphanages at the time were anything but caring. It made him fit.

‘No. It would get in my way.’

Orochimaru focused on the corpse lying on the other bed.

‘The first step is to survive,’ his gaze glimmered. ‘The second step is to master that power. Hashirama cells would ordinarily be a boon, but stuffing myself with hopes of Wood Release doesn’t align with my objectives. I would have already used that if I had sought pure power.’

Orochimaru glanced at the inconspicuous glass jar among many others on his desk. A few bits of brown shards floated within, preserving the material.

‘Assassinate Hachibi’s Jinchuriki, they said,’ he sneered, only returning with these scraps of Hachibi’s body to study it. ‘The administration would have imprisoned me for failure if we were in Takigakure.’

Shaking his head, Orochimaru got to work. Time waited for no man, and this man was already low on it.

***

Alternate Title: Kai’s Existential Crisis: A World Without Hoes; Kai: We Lost The Hoe! ( Start of Jiraiya’s and Hiruzen’s Depression Arc); Kai: Where’s My Slut?! (Cue Sad Naruto OST); Naruto: Talk No Jutsu. (Meanwhile, Kai: Hoe No Jutsu); Kai Lost His Chance; Kai Fumbled FR; Kai Should Have Used More Fox; Mito Starting Several Villain Arcs With This One; Kyubi’s Never Winning The Allegations; Every Naruto Fanfic Exists: Hot Kyubi; Mito Effectively Leaving Goodies For Her Family Before Dipping Out; Mito Cosplaying As Reverse Flash To Kai: It Was Me, Kai! I Was The Slut Who Watched You Plaster Tsunade’s Face With Cum; Recovering Youth; Lonely Tsunade; Everyone’s Leaving; And The Oscar For The Emotional Death Goes To—The Slut, ehm, Mito!; Mito Planning Her Retirement Be Like; Altered World; Madara Did What?; Peeved Kai; Even Grind Falters Against The Devil; Kushina’s Got a Grip On Hearts; The Next Jinchuriki; Kai: I Would Make a Better Nuke; Kai Helps Kushina; Also Kai: Ruins His Greatest Loot; What Da Kai Doing?; The Lost Treasure of Panties; Kushina Momentarily Felt Blessed; Vindictive Orochimaru; Stuffing Danzo; Ayo, WTF; Danzo Wants Hashirama Inside Him; Peeling It Back; Morbid Humor; Orochimaru’s Zesty Allegations