Ch 83. Personal ghosts (Patreon)

Having concluded my discussion with Agatha about my theoretical understanding of the life, the universe and my potential patron Infi, I leaned back on the seat and closed my eyes.

We were slowly flying back to Lomb with chimera hunters trailing behind us so there was plenty of time for me to level up more of my skills.

I reached into myself, imagining, visualizing the control room of Chernobyl. The desolate power plant grew around me out of dust and shadows, flickers of light emanating from broken windows in the upper levels.

As I stood in the control room and looked around I felt that something was off, as if the place wasn't as empty as before. As if someone or perhaps something was watching me.

"Endy?" I whispered nervously.

The black knife instantaneously manifested in my hand.

"Are you watching me?" I asked her.

The knife didn't reply.

"Obviously not, you're a not a sentient knife," I muttered to myself, feeling a weird, tense pressure that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I decided to investigate my mindscape more thoroughly to determine the source of the unnerving sensation I was experiencing.

As I walked about, I saw the control panels with their switches and gauges, the large central reactor, the pipes and ducts that ran throughout the facility.

I slowly examined the place on a deeper level, stared at the play of shadows and dust, paid attention to every little echo and whisper and light ray and twisted nook and cranny like I hadn't done before, used all of my urbex skills to find hidden areas and note minute details.

To my surprise, the power plant looked a lot more worn out and decayed than before. 

As I walked through the silent halls, I listened and I looked. I opened all of my senses to this illusory place.

The dream of Chernobyl wasn't empty. I definitely wasn't alone here.

The more I traversed the halls, the more I became aware of something...

Finally, I had spotted it - an eerie, barely discernible thing traversing through one of the halls.

I focused all of my mind on the strange, wispy shimmers, followed the mysterious... figure.

The longer I stared at the wisp, the more details I made out. It was a person!

I gulped, shuddering.

"What the hell?" I whispered.

Another wisp flashed at the corner of my eyes. A second phantom! I turned, my hands trembling.

Could it be?! Workers who had been on duty the night of the accident, those that had died in the initial explosion. Their ghosts were somehow haunting my Chernobyl. I could see them moving about, going about their tasks.

My rational mind retreated into itself, lost in confusion and panic.

What were these... things?

Something wasn't right. Something was amiss, different here. What in the shit? Workers? Ghosts? This place was mine, damn it! It was forged by my imagination and the System, what ghosts could there possibly be inside of my mentally-fabricated control room, inside of my soul?

Surely, I didn't take a piece of Chernobyl with me to Andross... right?!

The two spirits and I had reached the control room once again.

I stopped close to the nearest pale, mostly-transparent ghost inhabiting the control room and stared at its pale, shimmering face made from layers of dancing Aurora-like flickers. The longer I stared at it, the clearer the ghost became.

It took me a while to recognize her... no... myself, my own torn-up, ruined face behind the interplay of shadow and light.

It was me. Me, but with my face and body torn covered in holes, parts of her soul devoured by... the Dead Zone.

The ghost was a version of Juni that died because of Eunice. The Juni whose experience I now held within me.

I gulped.

I tried to say something, to apologize, to explain, but the words wouldn't come out. They got stuck in my throat, caught on the lump of guilt, shame, fear and confusion.

For a few moments we stared at each other.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to the ghost of myself. "I'm sorry for being an idiot. I didn't know. I was tricked by the arch-cendai. I rushed into saving Alessi, acted foolishly, lost everything and became bound, opened the gate. It was a terrible mistake, that cost you... that cost us everything... the lives of everyone on Andross."

The ghost stared at me for what felt like an eternity, and then she slowly reached out her hand and placed it on my cheek. The gesture was so gentle and full of forgiveness that the tears started flowing from my eyes before I could even register what was happening.

I broke down, sobbing uncontrollably as the ghost embraced me. Well, pretended to embrace me. She didn't feel like much. She too, was crying. We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, my tears mingling with hers as we clung to each other, our souls still sharpened by grief and guilt. Hugging her felt odd, wrong, like she was here but also wasn't. Like she was just an empty, hollow thing, a remnant of a person.

In the end, it was the ghost of myself who pulled away first. She gave me something akin to a very sad smile and then turned away, staring at the control panel.

I glanced at the other Juni inhabiting the control room, trying to figure her out. After a while, she too became clearer to me.

It was me that died because of Barrie, there was no doubt about it now. These two spirits, imprints of me... had definitely been here before, but I hadn't noticed them, hadn't paid attention.

I walked to the second ghost. She turned to me.

"That was a pretty stupid way to die too," I rubbed the back of my head. "At least we know what Barrie is right?"

The ghost didn't speak.

"Do you think that the Illatius of your timeline survived, went on without me?" I asked her. "Do you think that the Lambert and Anniya stayed friends with the Amadea Princesses?"

The ghostly Juni shrugged. She stared at me as I started to pace nervously between flickers of panels.

"What am I going to do with you two? You're real... right? I'm not just imagining this bullshit?"

The Barrie-murdered ghost shook her head. Parts of her soul were missing as if cleaved away, torn out by a thousand knife-like fingers. It pained me to look at her mutilated, torn soul.

"Thought so," I rubbed my face, feeling very unnerved.

I slumped into a dusty, time-worn chair.

"Is this some kind of divine punishment?" I asked the nearest ghost. "Being tormented with dead versions of myself for all eternity to atone for my mistakes?"

The nearest doomed-timeline Juni tilted her head at me, exactly as I would. She was judging me.

"Right," I rubbed my head. "Right... okay. This is weird and creepy and I don't like it. Time to do what I do best..."

I got up and placed my hands on the shoulder of the Juni killed by Barrie. Well, pretended to place a hand on her. She wasn't exactly solid.

"You're going to be Juneberry. Cool? Cool."

The ghost nodded.

"Cool beans," I turned to the other ghost.

"You're Junezia," I told her. "On the account of the whole Dead Zone, sentient AI biz."

Junezia accepted her new designation without a fight. She was me, a remnant, a shadow of me that was somehow still alive, somehow not fully absorbed into my experience, not integrated into me properly for some reason.

Were these two ghosts simply representations of the broken Infinite Mirrors, the empty frames, stumps that remained in my soul? It was definitely possible. It seemed as good a theory as any.

"Right. Juneberry," I said. "What do you want to do with your life?"

The Barrie-murdered imprint pointed at the dials.

"Eh?" I followed her ghostly hand. "You want me to... add points to things?"

The ghost nodded in agreement.

"I can do that. You want me to help you move on or something after I do that?" I asked. "Help you find peace?"

The ghost shook her head in disagreement.

I pondered about what I would want to do. If I was but an empty shell, a fraction of myself... I would want to live, to speak, would want to contribute, would want to be more.

"You're a broken Infinite Mirror shard, right?" I inquired.

The ghost made the smallest nod, like she wasn't entirely sure.

"Do you want me to... try to fix you?" I asked. "Want me to give you my power? Magic?"

A much more firmer nod this time.

"Any requests?" I inquired.

Juneberry stepped to the control dials and pointed her finger at one of them. I stepped closer too, my eyes focusing where she was pointing. I stared at the highlighted panel with a frown.

[ 1 [Seeking Arrow] - [Damaged] ]

"The Seeking Arrow?" I asked.

I knew why my ghostly reflection was pointing at the dial. I haven't touched it in three years, terrified of the enormous, hollow-shelled Astral Phantom, worried that using Seeking Arrow to define things would lead the damned abomination straight to me, get me caught and devoured once again.

Juneberry tapped the the Seeking Arrow again.

"You really want it, huh?" I sighed.

The ghost nodded.

"Fine," I exhaled. "Well, I guess a somewhat... intelligent Seeking Arrow is a lot better than a one that gets caught by a phantom squid, right?"

Juneberry nodded, something akin to a bothered expression manifesting on her nebulous face.

"Apologies for the unintentional insult," I said. "Juneberry, I have no idea how intelligent you are or even if you are real... but if you are... would you do the honor of being my... uhh... Knowledge Seeker?"

The ghost nodded, a soft smile appearing on her shawl-like, fluctuating expression.

I turned to the control panel, looked inward at myself focusing on the broken Infinite Mirror. Juneberry's ghostly hand guided my motions, worked with me to complete herself.

I carefully tied, connected the broken [Seeking Arrow] with the shattered [Infinite Mirror] that represented Juneberry.

It cost me two points to repair and some time to fuse the two into one. As power poured into the new branch, Juneberry's ghostly form gained clarity.

As I finished my work, a version of Juni wearing a magenta-colored, spotless outfit of an pilot manifested in front of me.

"Hey you," she smiled. "Or should I say me? This is pretty weird ain't it?"

I stared at her, my mouth open wide. She looked like a human version of Juni, except her short, puffy hair and ember eyes were sprinkled with a tint of magenta. I noted that the top of her collar formed an arrow-like design.

She reached out to me and hugged me and this time there was warmth, familiarity and life within the hug.

"H-hi! How much do you remember? How complete are you?" I asked.

"Bits and pieces," she said. "I did get torn up pretty badly by Barrie."

"You were here before, right?" I asked.

"I was," she nodded. "You didn't notice, didn't pay attention to me, working on making fancy-pants Limitless skills."

"Sorry," I whispered.

"S'ight, I wasn't exactly fully conscious. I'm going to see if I can [Search] through your memories, review what you've experienced. Go liven-up the other ghostie, make her whole, while I do my thing."

"Right," I let go of Juneberry.

I turned to the other ghostly remnant of me.

"What do you want to be?" I asked. 

Junezia stood still for a few minutes, staring at the panel, then her transparent, flickering hand pointed at the [Organizer].

Then she looked back at me and showed me nine fingers.

"You want me to put nine points into the organizer, yes?" I asked. "That's a tall order. Are you sure?"

Junezia nodded firmly.

"Okay," I smiled at her. "Lets make it happen."

I returned to the panel and bound the Infinite Mirror with Organizer and added nine points to it.

Junezia's ghostly form slowly became whole. The deep holes in her body created by the Dead Zone became filled up with energy and life.

A purple suit with gold pins manifested on her, long purple locks blossoming on her head. Purple-tinted ember eyes stared down at me, evaluating me.

Instead of offering me a greeting, she nodded at me, her expression very serious. I wondered if the way she died had a deep impact on her, if the Dead Zone devoured too much, broke her sufficiently to make her somewhat different from me.

"Took you long enough," she said after a deep pause. "I was bloody haunting this places for ages!" 

"Ages?" I blinked.

"Felt like ages," she shrugged. "You're very disorganized! Stop staring at me and look at your soul for once! It's a mess in here."

I looked at the derelict control panel of the old, abandoned power plant.

"Yeah," I said. "It's a bit of a mess in here."

"A bit?" She barked. "Are you serious? It's a disastrous disarray! A literal catastrophe! Have you even asked yourself why it looks like an abandoned, Soviet power plant?"

"Because I like urbex and cool abandoned places?" I said, already knowing that it wasn't the truth.

"No," Junezia's hand traced a line atop the nearest dust-covered panel. "This isn't a dream. This is the state of your soul, idiot."

"Oh," I frowned.

"You don't feel it? The wrongness, the tension, the sense of decay, the chill in the air?" She asked.

"I do," I said. "Isn't that... normal?"

"No, damn it!" She huffed. "This place is a cold, decrepit and ruined because you're a soul-shard that's been suspended in a radioactive crystal for God knows how long! When you finally left the crystal four years ago, the Astral Ocean wore many bits of your soul away. When you consumed a dying soul of a newborn chimera named Juni, you integrated her very poorly into yourself. Afterwards, the Hollow Astral Phantom damaged you and it took you three years to recover by adding random-ass bits of monsters to fill in the gaps and cracks in your foundation. Then, you consumed a dying soul of a human girl to boot!"

Junezia waved her hands, illustrating the things I had done.

My face burned in embarrassment at her words. I knew that she was right. Knew that what she said was the truth.

"You barely sleep," Junezia added. "You juggle two bodies and don't let your soul rest or recover. You've forged an excellent shield around yourself, but what you're containing is a horrid mess that's decaying, rotting from within, coming apart because the three souls that comprise you aren't exactly compatible, held together by hope and duct tape forged from dead chasm abominations!"

I sighed, folded under her words, rubbing my hands tiredly. She was right. I was a mess. This place was a mess, a perfect visualization of my fractured, torn up soul.

"This is the biggest evidence of your decay," Junezia pointed her fingers at the [Astral Phantom] label. "If you keep going, your soul will deteriorate from within and eventually your experience will stop helping you level up, become spent entirely on reinforcing this ruination, metaphorically plastering over the widening cracks with more bits of stolen souls."

I gulped.

"Ashamed, yet? I bet your grandfather got to level seven way before you," Junezia stared at me, her arms crossed.

"W-what?" I gaped at her. "How could you possibly know such a thing?"

"The gate showed us that he's alive on Novazem," Junezia pointed out. "Some other, parallel, future Novazem. I have no doubt that he has a System. Do you remember his words?"

"Very vaguely," I shook my head.

"The Astral Radionic is eating about a thousand mana per second from my chimera companion," the purple-dress me said, repeating the words of the boy with the soul of my grandfather.

I stared at her, my eyes wide.

"Get it? Your grandfather has a chimera girlfriend with an insanely powerful core," Junezia smirked. "He wasn't using a Eurekan gate to speak with you from his end. He was always a clever clog. This 'Astral Radionic' is something that he undoubtedly build himself using magic. Chimera hearts are crystalline-organic structures, power cells akin to that of a dragon-heart engine!"

"Wow," I whispered. "You're like a way more attentive version of me. I absolutely forgot the details of that conversation."

"I think that fusing me to the Intelligence branch changed me a bit," Junezia said. "Made me less scatter-brained."

"Can I invest more points into things now?" I asked nervously. "I'd like to make more Limitless skills."

"No," the Intelligence-bound me shook her purple curls. "While your soul is in this decrepit state everything you do from experience sorting, to leveling up, to investing in growth is... way below its optimal performance, making the decay worse in the long run."

"Fine," I said, rubbing my face. "You're right. The dead control room of Chernobyl is cool and all... but it's not really what I am anymore."

I sighed and heard giggles from the side. I looked at Juneberry. She was clearly trying not to snicker and failing at it.

"Juneberry and I are going to try to get this place in better shape while you do your thing in the physical world," Junezia said. "Do try to get some sleep and help us out, though. There is a LOT of work to do here. You're a mess."

I looked at Juneberry.

"She's right," the version of me in a pilot's outfit said. "Searching through this place for specific information is like digging through a trash pile filled with rusty needles."

"I can trust you two not to screw things up, yes?" I asked, feeling both ashamed and ecstatic about the renovation of my soul from within.

"As much as you can trust yourself," Junezia rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty much you... Well, a version of you that's specialized in Intelligence."

"If you're specialized in Intelligence and Juneberry is specialized in Searching, then what's my thing?" I asked.

"Your thing is stabbing things with Endy, until they die! Ka-pow! Whoosh!" Juneberry declared, spinning on the mold-covered chair and punching air.

"Your core specialization is limit-breaking, aka Infinity," Junezia said. "You bound the concept of Sempiternity to the center of your soul."

"Fair enough," I mulled, feeling like someone was gently shaking me and trying to wake me up. "Right then, I'm off to the real. When I come back, this place better look... uh, more orderly."

"Sure thing boss," Juneberry sent me a salute.

"There's only two of us and a lot of issues to resolve," Junezia said eyeing the far-too-cheerful Juneberry with a weary expression. "But we'll do our best."

"Thanks guys! I'll see you tonight then," I waved at my new soul-companions and opened my eyes, forcing myself awake.