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Opinion Required - Gamer Night (Patreon)

Published:
2018-05-20 18:55:07
Imported:
2020-12

Content

So, I was working on Gamer Night and I was having thoughts about the balance of the story. This being a Gamer story, it's quite difficult to make it good to read. It's far too easy to get off course and lose the grip on the plot, therefore I wanted to ask your opinion.

What do you think the story needs most at this point? Action, smut, romance, characters.

Let me know in the comments.

Comments

Gumban

Not character per se, but more character, or rather, interaction development. My favorite part in this story so far was how Shirou and Taiga got together, not because of the action or shenanigans involved, but because of how Taiga changed throughout. Of course, given the story, that also leads to more smut as a byproduct, so that's a thing too. Don't oversaturate it with characters either. Or at least not all at once. There are currently lots of characters in the story now that we readers don't know a thing about, concerning what they're after, and it makes them forgettable, so when they pop up later, some people might start thinking where they came from. Make what characters are already there memorable first, essentially.

Loves2Spooge

It really kind of feels like the plot's pace has hit a wall, or is swimming through quicksand. I mean, hell, it kind of correlates to my thoughts on how Shirou will never level up again. There's just that sense of a lack of progression. That progression is pretty much made up of all four of those choices so if you get the plot rolling, the rest can just be plugged in. A big one would be character interaction like Gumban said.

Anonymous

The last few chapters do feel like things have slowed down a little, though at least with Mikado showing up, there's a level of mild danger to Shirou's situation that wasn't quite there before. I agree with the character interaction opinions as well. We've got a single appearance each from Mikado and Lillith, hints of Morrigan, and Iri chilling out in the mirror park being all doomsday goddess, but at the same time, all four of those are clearly setting up for more stuff down the line. Meanwhile, we've talked to Rin three or four times now and it feels like we're just spinning the wheels with her, primarily because Shirou's had no real interaction with her in any capacity outside of official magus business. Everyone else we've seen get real character interaction with him has basically taken the opportunity to just shoot the shit with him a few times, so that's probably a good place to start. Or do what I do when you hit a wall with someone, just start throwing them into situations and see what happens. Even if it's something you have no intention of adding in, it makes for a good brainstorming session. Or do my other go-to when it comes to Fate stuff, and come up with a scene that ends with Shinji getting punched square in the dick. Cause that's family entertainment right there.

TheSinful

Romance, smut, action, new characters. In that order

William Pennington

Thus far I really enjoy this story and I personally believe you are doing an amazing job. For me personally, I believe you just need to find somebody whom isn’t biased to or against the story already, have them read it, and then discuss it in an idea session. I do this all the time with friends and family whenever I hit a writer’s block myself and afterwards I have so many ideas I actually have a harder time choosing between them lol.

Kevin Ramos

So far, it looks alright. I can't really say what's good or bad at the moment, but it dose seam like at the moment everyone is prepping themselves for when things start building up again.

LordMarksman

I feel like you need to increase the difficulty of what Shirou faces, character interaction (deepening of bonds) and smut.

VotedforKodos

I guess I would say the plot development seems to be spread a little thin at the moment. Right now, there's Mikado, Morrigan and Lilith, Iri, Rin, Saeko and Taiga's interaction, Shirou's training, the stuff with Soul Society, all of that going on, plus future plot threads that we know are coming like the Holy Grail War. On a chapter by chapter basis, there might be simultaneous development for several of those plotlines, but with the limit of chapter lengths, individually, they seem to inch along very slowly, where earlier, during the Taiga arc, the plot was very focused and moved along much faster.

Anonymous

more romance and smut

Canadian Tick

I would like to see more character interaction and plot progression. I like reading the smut, but I feel like it would be a waste of this story's potential if that was all it was about.

Anonymous

I think it's important to focus on character interaction and character devopment/growth, especially in regards to Shirou and how he deals with/reacts to his Gamer system and all that it bring with it. I expect that the plot will slowly pick up as major plot points from the various crossovers are introduced, such as the Grail war equivalents, all the Soul Society craziness and the romcon harem/intergalactic empire nonsense of To-Love-Ru. You don't have to limit the characters, plot and settings to those either! I wouldn't mind seeing some more stuff from series like Persona/Shin Megami Tensei or anything else for that matter! As for action and smut, I believe that those will come naturally as the plot progesses and the characters interact, especially as the female characters fall for Shirou's various good points, charm, power, cooking, *cough*HAREMAURA*cough*. Anyways, looking forward to future installments as always!

Jek

Firstly, I want to say that you've done an excellent job making it good to read thus far, so you don't need to worry about that at all. At the moment, I think a focus on the characters and moving the story forwards is needed. The Yoruichi romance needs a kick (I'm guess the training with Saeko does this?), and I don't think that Shirou has had any interactions with Rin at all outside of their business deals. And with only a few months to go until the War starts, he still hasn't met Sakura to establish some small degree of hope and trust in someone who has given up both. Likewise, it feels like the progress of the plot as been reduced to a slow grind, with more focus on him getting new abilities/rethinking how he approaches them than moving along the fic. Will the Servants, at least, be all from the Nasuverse even if not all the other characters are?

Monstermash

I'm enjoying it but I would like to see more taking advantage of crafting and his charisma. For example I would like to see shirou asked to model or maybe go to the junkyard to fix things

Rainzen

Action. Less smut