FML DIY CONTEST #7 TOP 3 and VOTING BEGINS!!
Vote by 03-21-21
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With This Ring...
Today, is my birthday. After celebrating last night, I took the day off and slept over at my boyfriend's house. I awoke alone in my bed and desperately needing to poo. So, I went to the bathroom, did my business, but the toilet wouldn't flush! The water was turned off!! Now panicked. I closed the bathroom door, hiding my shame, and ran into my boyfriend in the kitchen who said...”Good morning sleepy head. Did you have a good bowel movement?” Taken a back by his sudden bluntness I responded “Your water is shut off? Did you not pay the bill?” He picks up his phone and says “That's a confirmation on the elephant, permission to commence Operation Dumbo Drop.” Suddenly a plumber walks past me and enters the stinky bathroom! Horrified, I said...“What the hell is going on here?” “Its okay, darling. Remember last night at dinner? That dessert I surprised you with?” He said while I quietly nodded. “Well, I hid an engagement ring in there, but you must have swallowed it somehow...So, I hired Dewey here to retrieve it the only way I knew how.” Suddenly, the plumber appears behind me with a shit eating grin on his face and a ring in his hand proclaiming “I struck gold in an oil spill!” and handed the ring to my boyfriend, who dropped to one knee, slipped the ring on my finger and proposed!!...FML
EYE FULL SHOWER
Today, I was setting up for a surprise birthday party I'm hosting for a friend. After cleaning and decorating all day, I noticed the clock read that it was almost 6PM and I had guests arriving at 7! So, I turned on some music and jumped in the shower. Unbeknownst to me, while I was rocking out in the shower, my guests had arrived. Not having ANY clue that ANYONE else should be in my house yet, I decided to air dry as I continued my dance routine out of the bathroom and into their EYE FULL!....I froze as my entire party stared at me....Butt ass naked....FML
ENDING: A friend wraps a coat around her. The small crowd of friends are snickering and laughing. She is so embarrassed. “I can't believe I forgot to turn the clocks ahead...STUPID Daylight savings!” Her friend says to her “Hey, we're all friends here. At least the worst is over. No one else will see a thing.” Just then the person of honor walks in wondering what is going on. All of the party guests turn and yell HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! including her friend who accidentally pulls the coat away, leaving Amanda exposed once again right in front of the birthday boy. She says “surprise!”
SLOT SHAMED
Today, as I slowly lost all of my money on the slot machines. I decided to cash out while I still had gas money. As I cashed out, someone walked up to the machine I was on, put in a dollar and won five thousand dollars....FML
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