The New Ron - Chapter 30 (Patreon)

The compound hosting Drakken was an oasis in the rocky and sandy scragland that wasn't quite desert, but close enough for government work. Several miles away from the coast, it was a landscape of jutting crags and weedy trees jutting out between cracks in the dry earth. A few hundred feet out from any of the actual buildings, there was a four-foot fence consisting of modular steel bars connected to interspaced concrete pillars. Past that was another expanse of more level ground dotted with small trees and rough patchy grass until you finally got to a six-foot stone wall with a few guards pacing along the three-foot wide top of the perimeter. Inside of that wall was a set of low-rise buildings done up in the latest architectural style, a large covered pool, and deep green grass flourishing in a carefully-cultivated space.

“Cameras, mooks, laser trip-wires, the works,” Kim sighed as we swept binoculars over the compound from a nearby hill. “I'm really wishing we could have just dropped in by chute.”

I chuckled darkly. “Yeah, too close to the city for that. Whoever flew us in would get picked up on radar and forced to land. Then, if they saw us, they'd send in military police or the actual army.”

Kim grunted in agreement. “You don't have to tell me twice. I remember Naypyidaw. Rather not go through that again.”

Shego turned to regard us with a curious look despite herself. “What were you two dweebs doing in Myanmar?”

“Someone stole a Picasso and it showed up in a black market about to be sold off, so we had to pull an emergency gig,” Kim replied, still studying the area through the scopes. “Unfortunately, that meant parachuting into the city from a crop duster the client had hired to bypass security on the skyscraper they were holding the auction on.”

“It ended up being kind of a clusterfuck,” I sighed, shaking my head. “The pilot ended up having to bail on the plane, too. I still think that guy was some sort of retired spec-ops.”

Rufus, on the ground near me, chittered in agreement. “Uh-huh!”

“Yeah, I'd dish out a protip that you don't screw around with the Myanmar military, but it sounds like you two learned that lesson already,” Shego replied, sounding oddly respectful for once.

“I'm sensing a story,” Kim commented idly.

Shego snorted, shading her eyes. “You can sense all you want, Princess. Buy me a few drinks sometime and we'll see if you can pry it out of me.”

Kim blinked, blushed, then shook her head even as I mentally tallied another mark for Shego being DTF my redheaded partner. “Ugh, whatever. So... how do we do this?”

I hummed. “Loud.”

Kim blinked, turning to me. “Loud?”

Rufus quirked his head at me. “Rowud?”

“We blow our stock of smoke bombs, Shego blows the gate, we use some of those new goo-grenades Wade cooked up to take out the guards, storm the building, grab Drakken, then steal one of the cars and hightail it out of here.” My quick list had Shego grinning and Kim looking thoughtful. “With the addition of possibly blowing the compound if Archer is having him build something really dangerous.”

“It's weird,” Shego admitted, making Kim, Rufus, and I turn to look at her. “I agree with everything you just said, but since you're the one saying it...”

I rolled my eyes and Kim huffed a derisive laugh. “Hmm... the only change I'd make would be to send Rufus to one side with a smoke grenade to draw everyone's attention away from the gate before we go in.”

Rufus jerked, then rubbed at his chin with a claw for a moment before nodding. “Cheese!”

“You're on a diet, buddy!” I reminded him sharply.

Rufus and I locked eyes, an eternal battle of wills entering a new chapter. Kim sighed. “Ron, just give him an extra slice, okay? The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can get home and enjoy the rest of our week, hopefully villain-free.”

“Fine,” I groaned, digging out a smoke bomb and handing it to the little guy. “One cheat meal! One!”

Rufus squealed in happiness, took the grenade, and scampered off.

Shego seemed torn between amusement and derision at the byplay between us, but decided against commenting beyond an utterance best left to the imagination. Still, with that settled, we quickly packed up our remaining tools and rose to make our way as close as we could to the entrance of the compound before an abrupt cloud of gray-black smoke began billowing close to the inner wall on the opposite side of the structure from us.

“That's our signal,” Kim called, already rising and moving with Shego right behind her, leaving me to take up the rear as we sprinted down the road.

Personally, I was just glad that Archer apparently stuck to 'The Rules' as far as supervillains were concerned. The various guards I'd glimpsed on patrol were very obviously carrying a standard type of futuristic blaster that Kim and I had dealt with before, all of which were explicitly non-lethal. That, of course, might seem odd to many, but... Well, no, it was odd. It just wasn't any weirder than the people who build death rays or animatronic real girls for prom night.

There was logic behind the decision, though.

First and foremost supervillains were all about the ego. Their pride dictated they be above petty tyrants and third-world warlords and, as such, they disdained more traditional firearms as a matter of course. The mark of a 'true' villain was when you could equip your goons with a bespoke futuristic weapon of your own design. Drakken, for all that he might be a joke among the community, had created the plasma taser-staves that his men used himself. The design had proven so successful, in fact, that it was one of his few filed patents and was on-lease to Hench Co. for equipping their own security forces.

This was something Kim and I had only learned recently when we'd had Wade do a deep-dive into the blue evil genius' finances to try and track him down.

Still, the other reason that supervillains didn't use guns was because... well, I wasn't quite sure why, but they tended to get some serious softball legal treatment from most governments for the kind of threat they posed. As long as no one actually died... or, no one of any real importance, a lot of nations tended to let them off with what was essentially a slap on the wrist for the kind of mass public endangerment, sedition, illegal handling of various substances, and many other things that could be bundled under the umbrella of terrorism.

Oh, sure, they got jail time, but even in the more... despotically-inclined nations around the world, they didn't get firing squads.

I felt like there had to be a reason for that, but hadn't ferreted it out yet.

My point being, though, supervillains that used guns tended to have actual body counts. More than that, they also violated international arms-dealing laws, which various countries actually took a lot more seriously than supervillains. For some reason. Which tied into the fact that many of the minions they hired were also contractors facilitated by Hench Co. Those same contractors didn't want to have to deal with illegally transporting firearms across borders.

There had been, if you could actually believe it, a full on strike by the Hench Co. unions to formalize a clause against using firearms on the job some twenty years ago. They'd also won paid leave in addition to a general health care plan, but hadn't been able to score dental for another decade.

Despite my burgeoning list of questions about the madness that was this world's legal system, Shego's battle cry and thrown ball of green plasma brought me back to myself as we ran into the compound's outer perimeter.

“Breach! Breach at the fro-!”

The sound cut off as Kim bodied the guard screaming into this communicator and sent him slumping against a wall. Was he actually knocked out? No idea, but apparently union rules stated that a hit like that counted as a good-faith attempt to meet your contract obligations.

Personally, I thought he was just playing dead.

Regardless, I leaped over his form and slid into a newly-mastered stance as I used my momentum to flip myself across a good ten feet between my embattled partner and a guard bringing a blaster to bear on her. Whom I hit square in the chest with the heels of my boots.

“Eeeeeeee-AH!” I cried, catching myself from my fall on my hands and kipping up to fight another henchman.

“UH-ARG!” Shego grunted loudly, throwing another round of concussive plasma at the main doors to the actual building itself.

Another five guards inside quailed at the sight of our trio, but rallied long enough to be taken down. Happily, we didn't even need to deploy the goo grenades Wade had handed us.

“Ah, Shego! There you are! It's about time!” Drakken shouted, all of us looking over... from his spot... at the...

“Are you eating dinner!?” Shego shouted in disbelief.

The blue scientist sat at a fully-appointed table with various sorts of pastries and light meat dishes strewn about. There was even a set of silver candleholders with white candles lit for the occasion. The dining area was set near the door in what was obviously a larger entryway which had been rearranged for this purpose. Beyond the doorways of the central space, further well-appointed rooms could be seen, though no one was currently occupying them.

“It's called brunch, Shego!” Drakken replied with an offended gasp, pulling the napkin from where it was tucked into his jacket. “And it's the least that cad could do for me after my extremely traumatic abduction!”

Which was evidently his cue to go back to eating.

“This custard really is incredible, you know!” He enthused, delicately picking up a bite with a spoon before delivering it to his mouth with a contented hum. “I'll have to ask for the recipe.”

Even as Shego made the transition from 'combat-mode' to a boiling inferno of anger just barely leashed, Kim and I exchanged clueless glances.

A polite clearing of a throat caught our attention as a man with dark skin and an even darker suit strode into the room from a door that had been tucked away to the side. After a moment of ratcheted tension, the man held up a classic silver serving tray, his forearm draped with a white towel as he removed the dome lid of the dish.

“A message from the current master of the house to one Ms. Shego, Ms. Possible, and Mr. Stoppable,” the butler announced in slightly accented English as he revealed a small portable digital screen on the tray, which immediately clicked on to display the masked form of the man I'd called 'Bowman.'

“Hey kids, sorry I couldn't hang around to do the whole hero-villain song and dance, but I've got my match in the tourney today and tomorrow. That's probably why you're here, though, so no hard feelings about missing you, eh? Anyway, I'v already removed what I needed Drakken to build for me and used the mind-control chips to wipe his memory. Feel free to blow the place if you want to be really sure, but let the staff know so that they can get clear. Fair warning, though, it's a rental and its ensured. In the unlikely event you decide to pursue me to the tournament grounds and make a scene in front of an international crowd because I kidnapped a wanted supervillain and was holding him to turn over to police custody later... well, I'll be pressing charges for breaking and entering, assault, and destruction of private property at a minimum.”

There was a pause as he turned away from the screen and reached one hand out. “Best of luck next time, heroes.”

There was utter silence as we all contemplated what had just happened, save for Drakken's continued enjoyment of his 'brunch.'

“Ow,” I stated, crossing my arms and sucking in a deep breath. “Just... ow, dude. Seriously, right for the fucking throat.”

Kim's blank expression transitioned to an irritated scowl. “I... I just... what?”

“I'm going to strangle that pointy-stick-shooting horse's ass of a-” Shego started, devolving into a rage-fueled rant.

“Shego! You're harshing the mood, as the kids say!” Drakken called out, showing absolutely no self-preservation. “Come over here and have a pastry!”

Shego froze, turned to look at the blue genius with murder in her eyes, then took a giant leap as she screamed in rage. “AAAAAHH!”

I shook my head and turned back to Kim. “So...”

Kim heaved a sigh and swept her palms up to rub at her eyes. “It feels incredibly wrong to just turn around and head home right now.”

“Ow! Ow! Not the face, Shego-not the face!”

I took a slow breath and nodded. “Yep.”

“We should call Wade and see if he can track down any heavy vehicles leaving this property in the previous twenty-four to forty-eight hours,” Kim continued.

“Help! Someone, anyone, help me!”

“Sounds reasonable,” I replied.

“Except we have school tomorrow,” Kim noted tiredly, “and still have at least a ten-hour supersonic flight if we want to get back with enough time to shower and change for first period.”

“Brunch!? I have to put up with being bound and gagged in the back of the hero-mobile and you were having brunch?!”

“Entirely valid concerns,” I coughed, flexing as I turned away from the ongoing scene off to the side.

Kim and I were silent for a moment, considering things. While I could entirely throw my support behind one option or another, it was best to just let Kim make her way through the problem on her own.

“On the other hand,” Kim sighed again. “We need to stop reacting to this guy and if he planned for us to get this far, he almost certainly has a plan if we push further and try to follow any transport or tech he might have moved.”

“Very plausible,” I nodded, wincing as Shego burned through a chair that Drakken had been using as a shield.

“So we're probably better off ust going home, taking a break, and having Wade try to track the guy's movements going forward and following up with him later when he actually causes trouble and we can nail him dead to rights.”

“So... call Wade, explain the sitch, and head home?” I asked, completely ignoring the impact of fists on flesh and the squealing tones of pain more common to small girls than adult men.

Kim slumped. “Sounds like we have to.”

“Excuse me,” the butler spoke up, “but does that mean that the young master and mistresses will not be setting fire to the estate?” One graying eyebrow rose in time with the polite question.

“I think we'll pass, thanks,” Kim smiled. “Tell your boss we'll catch him next time, though.”

I snapped my fingers and looked at the brunch table. “Oh, hey, would you mind if we packed up a to-go bag real quick?”

Kim snorted, rolling her eyes, and said she was going to go pick up Rufus while I grabbed an in-flight snack for our return trip.

That was the key to this life. You had to take the little victories where you could.

~

And it's done!  Finally!  Another power outage the night of the freeze set me back, but it's finally done!  Ugh, I can't wait until winter is over.  Summer might actively try to kill me, but winter's just so much more frustrating.

Anyway, I'm already working on the next chapter of Industrious.  Hopefully nothing else interrupts me this time around.