beWilder’s Wildest: Round #1, Match #1 - Post Match! (NSFW Version) (Patreon)

Hello and welcome, all. Thanks for joining me today in the sun of beWilder Island, where I’d much rather be than the cosy, air-conditioned studio. Of course. I’m still you host Caroline, and this is our first ever post-match show for beWilder’s Wildest! 2023, hooray! We’ve got sand between our toes and as per my contractual obligations, my swimsuits out and on, so let’s have ourselves some fun with our first loser-

Hey! Watch it, you.

- Sorry… Let’s enjoy some post-game talk before we send our first contest back to their wintery home. Good?

Good. Ok, let’s do this. It’s showtime and I’m ready for my close up.

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And so, our first match is in the history books now. Lara Croft vs Kelsey Matthews, one has won, the other has gone… or soon will have. Congratulations to our still reigning Queen and Champion Lara as she becomes the first to move into Round 2 and wins a prolonged stay on beWilder Island. Consolations to Kelsey who gave us her best shot, and who is here with me now.

Hi-hi.

Let’s start with the results. The final score ended at 22-14 in favour of Lara. What do you have to say about that?

I know what you expect me to be sayin’, you think I’m going to kick and scream and piss and moan like a bratty kid about losing and fair play, don’t’cha? Sorry Specs, not happenin’. I’ve been dancin’ since I was 5 years old and competing for brags and silverware since 6, that’s 2/3rds of my young life and counting. I know what it’s like to lose and to pay your dues as you build stage experience and support. You’ve got to start in the middle, if you’re that lucky, working your way to the upper tier with each contest and that’s what I’m doin’. Speakin’ of luck, it just wasn’t mine to be paired against… oh, I don’t know, the champ!... in the first round this time. Wait and see, next time we do this I’ll start bein’ a fixture in the middle rounds and then some… Eventually I’ll add that same champ title to my own name and it’ll never leave again after that. Enjoy keeping it warm for me Lara, and whoever beats it off of you this time as well.

Oh, and speaking of the actual scoreline. 22-14? Tell me to my face that’s not a decent battle of it? I was even leading by almost that margin in the beginning amongst the diehard fan-os round here. The really classy peeps out there, I’ll say it. The drip throughs later are who screwed me in the bad way. But even so, that’s like a 2 of 5 slice of the votes? Or to put it another way, I got 2, she got 2, then the one on the fence slipped her way. Really she only beat me out by 1 person in every 5, and against Lara-freakin’-Croft at that? I think I did pretty good, thanks.

Alright then. That’s… It’s good to hear you’re accepting the results as they are, no quibbles. That’s great. You also covered my next question about how you view your performance. You’re quite adept at spin.

Listen here, new girl. I’ll let you way with the lip this time because you’re still getting to know the rest of us, but don’t force my hand regardin’ putting you on my shit list. ‘Kay, darls? I’m already havin’ to add Lara now, I still didn’t get my shot at Mystique since forever, and Nat-Nat’s atop that list since that kiss with my Kay-Kay… *Hmph*. Oh well! Let’em burn up in the sun here on the island, suits me just fine. I gots mischief and moresomes to get back to right quick in Philly anyways. *Snicker*. I hear redheads go up in flames in the sun. Nat-sizzle. *Heh*. Yeah…

… Oh, but for reals here, since you said what about my performance and spin. Here’s the headline for you. Last contest I scored 13, this time I did 14, and up against the toughest competition at that. I know which one’s bigger, do you? That’s what matters. I improved on my own performance over time and that’s why I know I’m still in with the fans and have a shinin’ future yet. Especially since between those two polls I’ve only been given 2 whole scenes of my own in NTR. 2! A couple other cameos and some gameplays… Please. Do better boys. Give me some damn room to splits these legs on camera and I’ll show you next time!

Do you think 14 votes is a high enough water mark to put you high up the loser’s table for 9th-16th place? That will matter for future seeding and other potential things, after all.

What’d we land on with that word “Loser”, Car-sy? Drop it.

As for the 14, who’s to say? We’ll have to see. It’s not like each match is equal and so the votes can be hard to be sure they’ll weigh up. I’ll say this much though… If you think Beth-Beth’s putting up more than a literal hand’s worth of votes, you’re a dumbass. If by some chance she does pull some stunt and hits 15+… Well, let’s just say I’ll make her regret it on Easy Street! Not because she’s on my shit list, just because I can. She’s a fun one to see squirm, she really is… Probably going to get her anyways, come to think of it. *Contented sigh*.

Right… I’ll not question that, for my own good I suspect… Instead I’ll ask what’s next for you Kelsey?

Mischief, didn’t you hear me before? ‘Round Philly’s way. Somebody’s got to put the Silly next to it in people’s heads, right? I’m not allowed to say here exactly what, same token’s that got you’re here stuffed in a swimsuit. Don’t worry about me, for real. I’ve got a lot on my agenda and then some, and all before I take to Broadway. Better you ask me next time “what have you been doing since?” and I’ll hand you an essay of stuffs… all of it fun and lewd. Got fans to pay back after all.

Who will you be backing in the contest now that your run is over?

Kate, duh. I’m surprised you even waste the breath as-… Wait. Kriem is in this contest too, right? I almost forgot her legal name’s Starling… Damn… Kri-… Kay… *Aahh*… I’m backing Kate! Kate’s my… But Kriem…?*Aggravated sigh*. My Best Bestie of All Time has got to be… But…

*Deep calming breath*. Who I’m backing? Her name begins with ‘K’ and that’s all that I’m saying. Move on. Go on, quick now. Move it along!

[BONUS BACKER QUESTION] What have you been doing with your last few days of island time?

Wouldn’t’cha like to know? Maybe I was getting a jump start on some of my plans of attack and fun around the island…? Could there be a Kel-Kel time bomb a-waitin’ to blow some pants off when y’all least suspect? All literal like at that…? *Snicker*. ‘Course not! I can count and I can tell which way the wind blows based on said counting, so once it was clear I was out of runway, I started working overtime. Hard at working hard, like on the Little Toscana dinner rush! On my tan. *Hah*. Can’t you see? I know you’ve all been looking at my tits this entire time, haven’t you at all noticed yet? Not often I get an all expense paid trip to glory. Gonna see how many of my fav regs back at the shop tip enough to find out what I’ve been up to be for these lines fade out.

By the way, lady. You gonna free the Caroline-a two? Come on, it’s easy, it’s fun, it feels good and it might just get you a fan or two ourself enough to get in the next contest instead of the bonus eye candy with the mic. Do it. Do it! Free the nipple twins! Attica! Attica!

Do you have any last thing to say to the fans and voters before we wrap?

Meh. That’s democracy for you. You always get what you deserve as a whole, not always the best option or the one you want. ‘Que sera’. Enjoy your “island fun” shots now with a lot more boring Lara lying around in the sun or digging up worms and dirt or whatever, instead of me mixing up every other girl’s panties and making sure a few end up in the trees they could only reach if they used my rope swing. That’s what you wanted, so eat it up. In fact, get stuffed! *Mean grin*.

And that’s all for our post-game from me then, bases covered. As much as I’d love to borrow a room to change out of this outfit before I’m back on camera again then hop on the boat back out of here… I have one last question to put to you, direct by live link-up to the studio, as this one comes from my partner Salvatore…

My old pally Sally? For real? Well damn, doesn’t that make this whole thing make a lot more sense. What does that blonde blowhard want?

Isn’t it a bit rich for you to call him that? *Echem*. We can hear you Salvatore, what is your question for Ms. Kelsey?

Hello out there, ladies. An especial hello to you, darling Kelsey. I’m sorry for your loss. Really, I am.

Uh-huh.

What? Really, I am! I’m sure you believe I’d love nothing more than to see one of my dearest Noemi’s pillars of support crumble and eat sand, but far from it. It pains me to see any beauty taste bitter defeat instead of sweet, sweet love as I so often put to them. *Smirk*. In that vein, I’d like to extend an olive branch to you and have you help me with a little project of my own. Call it our first collaboration, of sorts… Muhaha.

What’s your question, Salvatore? Please.

It is thus. I’ve decided I’d like to ask the losing ladies to stick around a touch longer after defeat to help me with my “Salvatore’s Premium Dish” segments in future, staring with the lovely Ms. Matthews, here and now. So Kelsey, if you would be so kind… What challenge would you like to set for Ms. Caroline here should the next match up reach my turnout challenge? Anything goes, I’ll see to it.

Oh-ho-ho! A gift from Sally from left field! Sold! Who’s regretting their choices in words now, Caro-loser? Easy-peasy. Car-Car here’s got to stick around and keep her suit on until the next challenge, where she’ll dance for ya and the camera… The kind of dance that’ll get sand in her crack, if she’s lucky. Or if her luck’s like mine with the draw, it’ll end up down the front of her panties instead. Ha. Of course, it’ll be the only pro here on the island who’ll be fit to judge, aka ‘moi’! I’m pretty sure this island still falls under the “East Coast” part of East Coast Breakdance Championship, right? I’ll get the boat home then and you can come too if you pass my gradin’. *Smile*.

How’s that, Sally-wally-ding-dong? Can we see Caroline try and shake her stuff in the sun?

Indeed we can. If turnout is hot enough. Thank you, Ms. Matthews. It’s almost a shame we’ve to return to Easy Street for me to destroy you. Ta-ta now ladies.

Oh, God… W-Why…?

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*Echem*. That’s the postgame show for Round 1, Match 1! We’ll see you right back here at the one and only portal to beWilder Islandover the weekend, as we kick off Match 2 of 16. It’s Selina “Catwoman” Kyle against Rachel “Raven” Roth… S-Surely nobody even knows who these girls are, I don’t have to worry about that next challenge… R-Right? *Ooohh*…

What do the boys usually say here? I’m sorry, my knees are shaking so much it’s hard to remember… *Aah*. Oh, r-right! Until you hear the next match’s starting b-bell…

Be staying on the island and beWilder!