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Gilded Cage progress 11-16-2022 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-11-16 22:22:52
Imported:
2023-04

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Content

Managed to get 2100 words done today. Wrapped up 8+9 (of course have to go back and edit them) Started 10+11

Comments

Cryodrake

Cryodrake, [11/20/2022 11:21 AM] Inside was just as much excitement as the outside. (The inside of the large tent contained just as much excitement) Cryodrake, [11/20/2022 11:24 AM] directed them to a sectioned off section near the front, (maybe minor reword) Cryodrake, [11/20/2022 11:26 AM] manticore tamers, ropers, wyvern riders (ropers?) Cryodrake, [11/20/2022 11:28 AM] Why, Leon told me of someone that Hetake was it? His cleric had to tend to, the venom was eating horribly away at their flesh! (Minor sentence restructuring) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 8:56 AM] They came from all directions with a blusterous announcement. Then came a voice with the strength of a dragon’s roar, silencing all within the tent. (Minor reword and how would they know how loud a dragons rawr is?) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 8:56 AM] Welcome ladys (ladies) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 8:58 AM] We have treants, displacer beats, (treants? Also did you mean beasts?) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 8:59 AM] catbird that allowed this to happen, Olas Mysticfeather (is catbird a derogatory name? Would something better fit a noble?) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 9:00 AM] Within a breath all sights were upon him filled with the reverence that was due him. (Add magical light or orb to float over Olas to help the stands see him) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 9:02 AM] Next came dancers, gryphons of course, outfitted with see through fabrics that adorned their flanks and limbs. They trotted and pranced around the ring in unison, extending their wings in several seductive displays. (Are... are there children there?) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 9:19 AM] “That’s not entirely the reason my dear.” He purred as Leon grabbed hold of a minotaur’s wrist. The bull stood half again his height, but the half-elf stood his ground and issued a command. (Transition felt odd to minotaur, also stood half again?) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 9:27 AM] Need a transition for the assassin, right now it's just, poof an assassin, and simply pushing him down made every panic? Recommendation: leon gets to his position, watches crowd for people until he notices the performers are getting closer to them. Performers finish act before mino whips out a wand of X spell (ice spike or fireball, something loud) or a gun or something loud and dangerous very close to Olas. Leon reacts quickly and knocks the arm out of the way causing the spell/shot to go off striking the circus top or a support beam making people panic. Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 9:37 AM] You’re one to talk-“ (talk.) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 10:12 AM] run off like this,always was (space before always) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:15 AM] How was he supposed to be searching for his daughter with such distractions? Olas replied, but not to these ruffians, the game he was playing was running thin (reword this) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:37 AM]  world unwraveled (unraveled) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:41 AM] tender care, dissepating with a final nsniff and (dissipating with a final sniff) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:41 AM] pusing the gryphon (pushing) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:44 AM] ‘And whats your path?” ("and what's your path?") Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:46 AM] Darling, Leo looked to me like all the stories. (Leon looks) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:47 AM] He clacked his beack (beak) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:55 AM]  shower him with all of my everything. (Reword this) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:56 AM] I’, not , (not sure what you meant here) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:57 AM] with mom so?” (remove so) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 11:58 AM] Something fighting (Something about) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 12:00 PM] He and his team are right on it. (No need to fret, him and his friends are already taking care of it.) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 12:04 PM] an intimate (remove an) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 12:11 PM] honorless man (word says, honor less) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 12:16 PM] though among this was a silver button with a grinning dragon upon it. (Hhmm) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 12:21 PM] the imposing form (form or forms) Cryodrake, [11/21/2022 12:27 PM] Where's chapter 9?