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Bahamut's Light: Chapter 30 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-10-28 23:33:27
Imported:
2023-04

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Content

In which the group recovers from the first day of battle, wonders where dreadflame could get off to.


Dreadflame comes across the first place that night contain the orb of dragonkind.

Comments

Cryodrake

stricken down by arrow (stricken or struck?) How come the undead weren't still attacking? Do the mages need rest so the undead stop? Expand upon gryphons and riders maybe, show a lone rider crying or a gryphon bailing their tears out that they lost their rider. Where had Dreadflame been? (this sentence sounds a little odd) Then you get carried off beyond the wall, gods willing the fall kills you before they drop you. (What? Think you got your thoughts out of order) you and he have done your part for the day, (the two of you) but we’re you (were) I could feel that, gentle as it was. (remove comma) he could almost here (hear) How in the nine hells is it were travel together (we're) One you blood thirsty bovine is an act of delight, passion, pleasure, it brings life not takes it (reword this) I rest my case. (this is a trial phrase, would this make sense back then for the minotaurs, i could see him saying, i make my point) Arcturus shot up, his stew spattering across the stone with a clatter of his bowl, (Wasn't he just under veledars wing? Wouldn't it have spilled upon his wing?) How is it Veledar can feel Arc but not his strong emotions for revenge nor mention anything about it? Silence overtook the group, of the dark reality they found themselves in. Nowhere was safe, not a soul could be trusted. Any face they met could be Dreadflame and his dragons in disguise. (Add among us line)(Krotos: this doesn't feel right, that they could be just among us) (or something like that) dishonorable hotak such as himself (hotak?) letting them weave (them weave or the weave?) But I am Veledar son of mother and mother, the Crimson Sky (woops lol) we can’t just let he and his dragons roam (him and his) free to plan out whatever nefarious deeds they have. (same sentence as last one, also they wouldn't be in struport to make a plan they would be already acting one out) Using his draconic strength, (wait do dragons keep their strength in different forms?) as well been a beacon (be) Close inspection reveled the (revealed) That we’re no more sturdy then these forms (And what, be kept in these flimsy excuses of forms?) (also again if their form is flimsy how did dread have dragon strength?) One wraith shapes spoke (minor reword, could make it sound better) Upon it’s heels were (its) Dreadflame gestured for Erentis to follow, he and her unaffected (reword this, he and her unaffected sounds bad) boney claws glode right (glode? Word be mad) Their number still remain (Their numbers remain) It was to see everyone is staying strong in these dark times, I laughed at the return of the truth telling spell that was a blast last time. Seeing the events through dreadflames eyes was interesting especially the fear he had of the shard. Maybe he has PDST of his grandmother from the ancient wars. Either way I liked the cool toys he brought with him and i have a bad feeling from those two scrolls.

Cryodrake

Add among us line. :3