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Let me tell you a couple of three things (Patreon)

Published:
2024-05-06 15:24:03
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I love writing. JAS is not the first book series I've written, but it is the first that's achieved any success. It came from being honest with myself-- that I like trashy transmigration fantasies, and I'd like to write one. I think that helped it perform well.

The little comment at the end of the latest chapter was written hastily, and as a result, didn't convey what I wanted to. I didn't want to throw a hissy fit to force people to check out my new story, but some of you did go back and comment. While I appreciate that, it's not quite what I was looking for. Thus, I'm going to change my approach.

I'd like you to know what you enjoyed about JAS and would like to see more of, and what you didn't enjoy and would like to see less of. I'm particularly interested in what people DIDN'T like.

I enjoy this work. I can write anything and be happy, except maybe erotica. Yet ultimately, I want to give the people what they want. I have a great many ideas outside of Devil's Debtor, and I'm not anchored to it. I considered a reincarnation/transmigration story about a horse archer. I considered a science fiction story about gang-like corporations and paramilitary climate change activist groups where they teach Sopranos in school instead of Shakespeare, and just like Shakespeare, they overanalyze every little detail. I considered a straight-up villainess reincarnation story, because yes, I read those too.

Anyway, that's enough from me. I'll try not to derail future chapters with my complaints.

Comments

WarStrider72

Looking back it's hard to pick out what I didn't like. From the start it was a compelling story with a guy transmigrating I to a character from the game he played. Now these isekai stories are either hit or miss depending on the route the author plans, but you had a straight "I need to save the world from Ragnarok or else I die" plan. Though I've always wondered if they're were any resent between the snow elves and the city they attacked now that we gotten the alliance.

Armo

Aw, please don’t feel bad about wanting feedback! As I’ve written in a comment before, I think there are certain genres that are currently meta and have become somewhat stale as a result of oversaturation. LITRPG and reincarnation are two of them. Xianxia to a lesser extent, but also applicable. I think JAS did well because it was, really, not a LITRPG story. It was a progression fantasy in an interesting setting, with some reincarnation/‘timeloop’ mechanics and interesting characters. A good, filling experience on a good schedule. It has lost a bit of its appeal as it’s evolved, is my opinion though. Personally, I either like having my settings unique with overtures on familiar themes, or having the setting be familiar but with ideas that are unique in a way that puts everything else into a different perspective. It’s really hard to do either of those in a LITRPG, I feel. Super Supportive does it, but that’s a very unique book with a strong character focus; the ‘system’ is superfluous, almost. Mother of Learning is a master-class in building on the tired trope of a magical school something that has inspired legions of people, simply on the depth of worldbuilding, the magical system, and complexity of the overarching plot. That book would have been impossible to pull off in a LItRPG setting. JAS had a bit of that, and a bit of this in it, going by the above framework. It was definitely a familiar setting with interesting themes in it, backed by strong execution. It started off in an interesting if familiar setting (kingdom on verge of civil war), with an intriguing character (Argrave/Vincenzo), with a relatively down-to-earth view of what he needs to be worried about in the moment. The macguffin (Vincenzo’s knowledge, Gerechtigkeit on the horizon) and the mechanics of that also promised payoff, long into the futute. The magic system was somewhat explained, but not the focus of the story. We’ve lost some of the elements of the original setting, scale, character, and magic system as the story has gone on and transitioned into a late-stage progression fantasy endgame. I think Vincenzo’s/Argrave’s character is something that could have had more going on. He was interesting at times at the start, but going further into the books we’ve gotten the less interesting personal moments we see (and this is my briefly and incompletely considered opinion). Not in an ‘improving by overcoming adversity’ way, but in a more simple slice of life way - I really liked him singing a bit of ‘got my eye on you’ while being the Duke’s guest and getting spotted by the maid. Moments like that are what I think is missing from developing all of these characters in down-to-earth ways. Aside from that, we never got interesting character moments with Induen and Felipe, for example - and I felt like they could have been much more interesting characters than what they ended up being. Hell, even Magnus could have been explored more. If they all lived and we had Argrave getting constantly distracted by family-but-not-family drama I’d have really enjoyed it. But alas, I do not know if that particular example is just me. The setting as a whole in JAS is interesting, but I think suffered from introducing new regions every book. Instead on focusing on evolving an existing setting, it felt like playing WOW, where each new story takes place on a newly discovered island. Cool, but disconnected. We have not heard anything about Mateth, Jast or Parbon ever since Argrave dealt with the civil war. I think focusing more tightly would have been to the overall story’s benefit. I’ll come back to this when I have more to say. In general, my opinion is that JAS is an enjoyable, high quality, but ultimately at places flawed work. That comes from a place of deep respect for the consistency of release and overall quality of prose and storycrafting on display, which have both been strong points of the story. The level of skill and dedication writing something like JAS takes really is not trivial. Overall, I rate it somewhere near the Codex Alera by Jim Butcher in terms of quality if I had to give an overall indication of how much I enjoyed the full package (which may not sound like praise, but it definitely is for me - one of my personal favourite series, despite its shortcomings). Hope that helps! And didn’t make me sound like a jerk.

Philipp

I'd say that while JAS did contain influence from other LITRPGs it really isn't one. That is what made it much more compelling than the average numbers / stat screen story. Also I just generally liked the character, Argrave is relatable and likeable, unlike a lot of protagonists in transmigration or litRPG stories. Argrave, contrary to common stories in this genre also isn't adolescent when he is transmigrated and he also didn't behave like a teenager throughout the story. Those are the parts that stuck out to me overall for JAS. I have read a few stories that also fall in a similar category, one thing I'd say is common for a lot of them, magic isn't just learning a skill X via a menu and being done with it. Magic does require mastery and understanding and importantly mystery, I can't count the amount of stories that managed to demystify magic, JAS also does this really well. Anyway just my opinion on these stories, you single chapter post sadly is not enough to go on to judge on the character and the direction the story is going to take with the litRPG or fantasy elements.

nemorosus
>>137236034

That was great, and mirrors a lot of things I've come to think. It's not a coincidence readership started to decline in volume 7, when the gods started having a more active hand in the world. I think the interpersonal parts of the book were much better. And I very much agree with new regions being a detriment. Still, I tried to stick with the framework I had planned all the same, to see what was worth salvaging out of it. The next project I work on-- be that Devil's Debtor or something else-- will definitely have a more narrow scope, and less grand, giant, overarching gods and calamities.

Obsessivehobbyist

Just to add to the wonderful review by @Armo above, I agree with a lot of the points they raised about the worldbuilding, the quality of the prose and I even love Codex Alera and think Argrave reminds of Tavi a lot. What I like the most about JAS is the progression elements. I really enjoy the progressive rise in stakes and the protagonist's desperate quests to rise to meet these higher stakes. That's what I find unites my love for fantasy, sci-fi, Xianxia and LitRPG. JAS has a complex magic system with defined rules, and I frankly love that in my stories. The sense of progression is one of the reasons I love playing RPG's and reading progression fantasy. Another thing I love about JAS is the brilliant writing of the main and supporting cast. As mentioned above, I love role-playing games and one of the things I love about them, in addition to the sense of progression in power, is the deep and often rich stories of the characters that inhabit the world and of the setting in which they take place. These are things I feel JAS excels in. The world feels storied and rich, and the characters never feel like they are forced into behaving a certain way to advance the plot. It all feels organic. However, one thing I will say the story can improve on is the 'drama' between the cast? Everything feels a little too 'neat' between Argrave and his inner circle? One story I always turn to when I speak of great writing on character drama and inter-play between the main cast, is 'Worth the Candle' by Alexander Wales. Or the Fitz & the Fool Trilogy by Robin Hobb. Both are masterclasses of character writing and the drama that comes when humans interact. In any case, I look forward to seeing you try new things and I'm honestly just happy to be along for the ride!

nemorosus
>>137239657

To be honest I don't read very many LitRPGs. I included those elements and slowly phased them out because I thought it might attract an audience. Yeah, you're right about a single chapter not being enough. I have to content myself with the idea of wasting my time on something people won't like. Failure's a part of life, I guess! Wouldn't be the first story I wrote that flopped.

nemorosus
>>137240422

Great points, and I've always enjoyed reading your comments over the story's ongoing run. As for drama, I was always very hesitant to make drama between the cast. I hated the feeling of frustration I felt by authors letting misunderstandings foster for arbitrary reasons. Anneliese can literally read what Argrave's feeling, so there's no legitimate reason for them to argue long-term (or even short-term). I do think I might've pulled the trigger on their romance too soon, frankly. In general, I tried to make Argrave's actions highly empathetic. He's a people pleaser. Recent story developments with Vasquer and the Fruits of Being were experimentations at drama. I'd be interested in your thoughts on that.

Doctor Zero

I have the same complaint for every 2000+ page webnovel - I don’t know where I am in the story. Are there 5 more chapters, or 500? Is today’s conflict working towards the ending, or will there even be an ending? No idea. Some authors signpost where you’re at. If the MC’s max level is 100, and he’s currently at 80, then I’m about 80% through the book. Cool. Seems like there’s a plan, and the author isn’t about to take a 1000 page tangent then disappear. Could Argrave have mentioned that Heroes Of Berendar has seven main events\chapters? Or that there’s 5 tiers of play. Or that the last battle is always on the solstice, ready or not? Anything specific that would let us know how far we are in the story would be appreciated. Overall, JAS is amazing though. What I mention above is more a criticism of the Royal Road / Patreon economic incentives (big books + many updates = more followers), than any real problem with JAS. Honestly, you handle huge stories better than almost any author.

nemorosus
>>137244899

I think JAS has been too long, honestly. I don't intend on future series being so lengthy. Seven books feels like a good length for a series with 120k words per volume.

BenjiVoid
>>137240422

Drama from misunderstandings is generally not my thing, but you can easily have drama in situations where everyone completely understands everyone else. That's actual drama. I think many authors don't like doing that because they want their characters to get along, almost in the same way you have self insert "OP" characters you have self insert "get along with everyone" characters . Not willing to face the reality that two good and well meaning people can be at odds for legitimate reasons. Misunderstanding based drama is a way around that by saying "they argued" but then they just realised they misunderstood something and everything is fine again. Drama like Orion and Elenore's reactions to the lottery is legitimate.

BenjiVoid
>>137236034

To your final thought, I think that in the micro JAS is a very well written series. But the macro is slightly lacking. It's not bad, but that's what I would improve. On the one hand, books should be less like wow expansions, it should feel like a complete world that is always there and where everything is connected, not where you find a new area and maybe occasionally hook something from the previous area in. But on the other hand, also from a character perspective. Where do the characters and their relationships evolve, yes we've seen some developments and changes, but it is basically being argrave make friends moves on and then calls on his old friends like Pokemon. Instead of having so many characters, have one who feels like a full main character acting in the background. Not a one-line recap of Elias' accomplishments. But seeing his impact on the world throughout. An easy way to have done that, would have been through the parliament. Actually putting more emphasis on it and the factions within it to give an idea of the rest of the world.

Frogspoison

Argrave's constant snark drew me into the series, but the final battle with Erlebnis was the most absolute best written fight scene I have read, which drew me to the patreon.

Adrian Gorgey

Things I've loved about JAS: the magic system and progression, a fun main character (especially his munchkinness and scrappiness at the beginning), world-building was great (although it does kind of feel like interesting elements of the setting get left to the wayside once their arc is done), and the pacing. The pacing especially is an area where I think JAS stands out a lot compared to others in the progression fantasy genre. You don't get bogged down in showing every little thing that happens -- the story progresses at a great clip, moving from interesting event to interesting event. One thing that disappointed me (a bit) about the series --or rather one thing that I was looking forward to but that didn't seem to get much space -- was the kingdom building aspect of the story. The part where he actually takes over the kingdom is wonderfully interesting and developed, probably my favorite part of the story -- visiting the different factions and making allies, culminating in the war between family, etc. After that, I was expecting to see more kingdom-building elements. I wanted to actually see the kingdom he created and how it developed, how he used his knowledge to improve it, what it was like for the people living there, how its culture would develop and the people's reactions to what he was doing, all that stuff. Instead, after he took over the kingdom, the focus of the story turned away from the kingdom and its internal development (which continued to happen, but mostly in the background) and towards whatever new thing he was doing (dwarves, elves, fantasy asia, etc.). I liked the new things too, but I just wanted to see more on the kingdom-building side of things. Regarding what I like to see next... I think your first intuition -- that you like trashy transmigration fantasy and wanted to write one -- is your best bet. Write the guilty pleasure, the thing that you like to read but don't talk to your coworkers about. Because at the end of the day, that's what will resonate the most, because that's what the people want!

Adrian Gorgey
>>137285436

Also, regarding shifting between stories, I recommend two authors for imitation: Nemorosus and IdeasGuy. I've stuck with IdeasGuy through a lot of different stories. The way he does it is this: he'll come with 3-5 story premises and write the first chapter (~3-5k). Then, he releases them all at once for people to get a taste of it and has a poll where people can vote on the next story. Then he writes that story. He's also very weird in that he has 3-4 different concurrent stories that he writes one update per week. This also means that his patreon doesn't drop off much between stories, since everyone will always find at least one other story they love. I think he's crazy for doing it that way and I never could, but I'll point you towards a more reasonable version of that: Nemorosus. When Nemorosus first started writing Calamitous Bob, I was just following for Journey. It sounded vaguely interesting, but I didn't read it for quite awhile. It's hard to get really into a story when there's only a few chapters, as for me that's usually not enough to get hooked. But I kept following for Journey, and eventually one day the mood struck me and I started reading Calamity. 20 something chapters later, I was hooked. I still follow them for Calamity long after Journey is over. Sometimes, it takes a while for people to switch over, even those who love your work, so you have to have the two series -- the main one and the heir -- running concurrently for a while.

Adrian Gorgey
>>137285436

Also, just speaking for myself here, but i think it would make sense to move to a M/W/F schedule while you work concurrently on the next thing

Gabriel Melnik

For me it was the drive argrave had from the beginning. Fucker said this world is going to shit, I know what to do, and I'm going to fucking do it. Then he hit a wall, multiple walls even trying to do that, suffered from it, relied on people to get over it, and then kick into overdrive the entire world in order to fix it.

nemorosus
>>137285436

I did briefly dip into kingdom building, but the response for the chapters was somewhat lackluster and I had established a story flow that made it difficult to switch into, I think, without disrupting the established pacing. I love kingdom building-- well, not just kingdom building, but anything building. I could write about economy and trade and parliamentary politics without an end. If I were to do it, though, I'd want to do it from the outset, so people don't get whiplash.

conkerer

1) I was totally under the impression that JAS was already a genderswapped villainess reincarnation story lmao 2) my least favorite part of JAS is how things generally go kinda according to plan and it feels like an upward trajectory. I wish Argrave got bodied by enemies he underestimated, blindsided by treachery, the sort of stuff that would make the MC flip the author off.

nemorosus
>>137296964

I don't know which came first-- villain transmigration or villainess transmigration, but I read them both.

Obsessivehobbyist
>>137240422

Exactly what @BenjiVoid is saying above! Real drama results from characters behaving organically within their defined character boundaries. It comes about naturally because people are living in proximity with each other and that's just not possible without some ugliness. In fact, I think Elenore and Orion's reactions are the perfect example of the natural drama that comes from Argrave making a decision that clashes with their feelings/views. Looking forward to you flexing your writing muscles more in this department!

Lorevi Q

Personally speaking, I don't read new stories until they have a bunch of chapters (10-20ish) so I can really get a feel for if I like them or not. (which isn't very helpful for you as an author, sorry!) But as to your questions. I really like schemes and plotting. I love when characters set up a chain of political dominoes and then knock them all down. It's one of the main reasons I'm drawn to these regressor type stories since the protagonist has an information disparity compared to everyone else. (JAS isn't a regressor story but it has a lot of similarities in regards to Argrave knowing things he shouldn't.) As for what I don't like, well it's that but done badly. When the information disparity stops feeling like a tool the protagonist is working with and starts feeling like an excuse the author is pulling out their arse to justify why protagonist gets op skills/items. Obviously there's going to be some of that but the best executions of the trope have heavy setup and imperfect information. I also think LitRPG systems in general are hard to do right. Not that I don't read a lot of LitRPG stories (I do) but I tend to think they'd be better off as standard fantasy. It's an awkward situation where by being LitRPG they're easier to get into and I think the author has a easier time writing the first 10-100 chapters but over time the limitations of the 'System' really become obvious and the story feels worse because of it. There's only a handful of stories that actually feel better off being litrpgs imo, and the only one that avoids all my problems with the trope is Super Supportive. But they're low effort to read and also I think easier to write? (not an author) so eh

ouroboros

I don't want you to be tied down to archetypes you have to write every time. What I like about JAS changed as I read. The real trick is just to write a chapter or description that immediately immerses the reader into the work. Transmigration works because we all wish for the greener grass a time or two. These fundamental drives people ignore are all you need to be enjoyable too me. The rest comes with time. So write the stories you feel need to be told. Trust your gut and don't give yourself excuses to latch onto to dissociate yourself. You just have to keep moving towards the images you have and you'll find a way there eventually. No matter how crazy it might seem.

JC Silver
>>137240422

Ironically, I thought that your decision to pull the trigger on the romance earlier in the story was one of the reasons this series stands out for me! I mean, Anneliese is a magical empath and she didn't have a contrived self-blindness written into her backstory so there was no reasonable way for her and Argrave to not address the romantic elephant in the room when the apocalypse is looming over their heads. I found it incredibly refreshing to see their initial attraction blossom over time into a truly robust relationship built on mutual trust. In my humble opinion you've masterfully written an empathetic and realistic cast of characters who cope with stress and drama with maturity and compassion! I much prefer the dynamic here to the trope of 'tight-knit adult heroes break down into bickering teenagers right as the world ending threat looms just around the corner'. Your recent move to illustrate why Argrave's dice rolling upset the team but still didn't quite break it was masterful in my opinion! TL:DR your character development and relationship building is one of the biggest reasons I love this story!

Shane Fletcher

I'd like to see you try a time loop story.