About changing picture styles (Patreon)

I know a lot of people have been giving me a feedback about the change in painting style.

I don't know if the explanation below is perfect, but I hope it gives you an idea of what happened to me and why I made the choices I did.

1. The year 2022 didn't go well

The year 2022 was a time when I had a lot of enthusiasm to challenge myself again, but at the same time there were several events that made me lose confidence.

#This is a graph of my Patreon count throughout the year.

There were periods where I paused and took a break from Patreon, but the overall graph was steadily declining since 2023 January when I change the style.

#These are the drawings and number of Patreons graphs..

There are some supporter who were disappointed with my drawings and left, also others disappointed that I couldn't deliver their rewards on time. and I'm really sorry to them. Especially the part where I didn't deliver the rewards on time, that's absolutely my fault.

But at the same time, it was also my limitations.

I couldn't consistently do 100+ variants of realistic style illustration with a story, every month. I kept telling myself, "I can do it, I'm just lazy," but it got harder and harder as time went on.

By September of last year, I was self-blame myself and lost confident. Because I drew it as best I could, but the downward of my Patreon didn't get any better.
After that I totally exhausted, so I couldn't draw at all even I realized I have to draw.  So I went to a psychiatric hospital and was prescribed medication for fixing myself.

I want to emphasize that even if this were the case, This would not justify  that pausing and not posting for a month or two. Because everyone paid me and I failed to deliver the goods. I would appreciate it if you could just acknowledge that this happened.

#I was trying to keep drawing but none of them finished at that time.

2. New direction

When I was pretty much given up with drawing,  friend of mine suggested that I try something else. After that  I'd been having a lot of fun with anime-style games.

I was already at the bottom of my confidence in my style at that time, my friend said, "Why don't you try a 2D anime style?"

I thought I couldn't possibly get any worse from there, so I started draw new style.

Number of Patreons mean money. And I can't say that I don't chase money.
Of course, money is not everything, but obviously it is a measure of the interest in me and the value of my paintings.

I don't think I'll be doing any realistic painting style for a while, if I get interested in it again in the future, I might draw realistic painting again then.

But for now I want to explore this new style more.

3. Closing..

This was not an easy decision for me as I have been practicing realistic style drawing for a long time, but more importantly, I am sorry to disappoint my supporters.

I'm not sure if my long text were clear enough due to my poor writing skills.

Your support is the make me drawing always.

Thank you for your support.