It rains loss, it absolutely pours, and here we are in a group under a kinda umbrella. {patron group shots included!!!!!} (Patreon)

Hello loves.

You’re not going to believe this but of course you are because it’s me and it’s New Zealand.

I don’t know what it is about me coming to the is tiny island country of New Zealand, people. But every time I come here, the shit really hits the fan. Earthquakes. Pandemics. People dying in a trifecta?

How.

I am too tired and honestly flabbergasted by the timing to say very much right now - but I have owed you these group patron shots (below) for ages. So I’m just peeling myself to the keyboard and making myself post this.

I want to write down the stories in my heart so badly.

I want to, but I don’t have time. Such a theme.

I have this kid to keep okay and this little thing that was supposed to be a vacation and this family to love and this food to cook. I have so much in me and no energy or time to write. But it will all come out in something, someday. I promise this to myself.

Lee died, Susi died, and then, about 48 hours ago, I just got the news that a beloved auntie/cousin is on her way out, she’s on a ventilator in LA. We were just sleeping in her beautiful house in Hermosa Beach, just a few weeks ago. How? Why all in one week? Why this week of all weeks?

Susi went on New Year’s Eve, Lee went while I was on the plane over here, my LA Auntie is hanging in there but close to the exit door.

And my friend Jack is coming over tonight, with Jodie. Jodie is pregnant. Due in two months. Entrance door.

The revolving door.

It rains, it pours, the umbrella is us. The womb and the tomb.

I will bring my ukulele to play for Susi.

I don’t know how to explain all this death this to myself or to Ash, and I’m so, so, jetlagged, so I’m doing what i have learned to do, and I learned it in this country on this island:

Lean into my proximate loved ones, don’t stress it, don’t take loss too seriously, love the loss as it is life itself, let the feelings come in waves and take their phases, not try to process all of this in “real” time, know that there no way to do this all at once, and let things be. The obituaries can wait. The process can be delayed. I’m collecting all the photos of the dead.

I’ll get to it.

You Go.

You Go get in the water.

Let the ocean wave it all away.

Cry at the drop of a sun hat. Feel everything.

Bask in the fact that this time, you’re in New Zealand with your family, and not alone, navigating this with a history-less map.

This is truly a blessing, this timing.

That I could be here, of all places, while trying to navigate this much grief all at once.

In the home that made me Me.

Here is a photo of Ash, here on Waiheke, reunited with his best friend, Aya. He is so happy to be home. Jeanine’s dyeing some clothes in the backyard.

Here’s the patron group shots from tour last week - it feels like a lifetime away….and if you want to help me out, you can just get the word out about the NZ/OZ tour. I would have usually spent time promoting these shows, this upcoming EP drop…I’m unable. I just don’t have it in me.

Dates below. If you’re local to any of these places, help me out and share the info online.

This is what the umbrella looks like.

Here’s me with the patrons in LA…(photo by pixie)

And San Diego… (photo by Michael)

And Portland (both by Michael)

Night 1…

Night 2…

And, oh yes, outside Mary’s Club in Portland (photo by Michael)….

Here we are at The Manifestation in Portland for the little gathering of love….(photos by Brendon)

And here’s some little shots of Waiheke…one of my favorite rocks of alllll time:

Me and Aya….

My dad, Jack, got here today….and this is how the kiddos welcomed him …

🥹

My god, this life!!!!!!!

I love you all so much.

Keep me in your thoughts.

It’s always happening isn’t it….

Always happening…

Isn’t it

Isn’t it

Just

A

Ride

Xxx

A

PS Upcoming Tour dates - please help me out and tell people down under!!!! Queenstown is sold out, Melbourne is coming up on 800 tickets sold but the hall fits over 2,000 so that one needs a ton of help! All AFP & Dolls dates are at amandapalmer.net

I will try hard to do some patron gatherings if I can. Stay tuned.

Then Dresden Dolls:

March 22&23: Mohawk, Austin TX

March 26&27: The Kessler Theater, Dallas TX

March 29th: The Eastern, Atlanta GA

March 30th: Brooklyn Bowl, Nashville TN

.