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Radiation Lights (Patreon)

Published:
2023-12-04 21:28:26
Imported:
2024-01

Content

Hello loves.

Greetings from L’Hôpital.

Then home. Trying to rehearse for the upcoming Los Angeles / San Diego dolls shows today. I can’t believe they’re this weekend. It feels like a dream.

The poetry of the hospital continues, unabated. The Radiation/Oncology Department Has Decorated for the Holidays.

I honestly don’t even know how to tell you what I’m feeling right now, except to say that I am getting closer and closer to who I am.

I also want to just give a random (its never a bad time) to all the nurses, doctors, radiation assistants, laundry do-ers, coffee makers, bedpan cleaners, parking garage ticket-takers and (….) endless other people who make a hospital work 24/7/365. I have spent so much time in these kinds of halls and the people who work here are earth angels. Just doing the things while the ill are ill and the moms give birth and the cancer gets radiated and the dying get hospice. It’s incredible and sometimes you just sit there in awe of the miracle. This department, this string of lights, the people who work in this windowless room day in and out. It’s a miracle. May they all feel as loved and appreciated as they should.

I love you ALL so much. Christ alive. Whatever you are going through right now - and I know you all, a little, enough to know you’re all Going Through It - I am feeling and breathing along with you. There will be no intermission, ever.

It’s….just a ride.

My lights are up year round, because I always need hope.

I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get three released out this month. It may be two. It may be one. It may just be the Althing and a poem. It’s going to be a hard season for work from over here.

Your endless understanding as my patrons is, so you remember, one of the things that keeps me alive.

You’re supporting me so that I can support others right now, and that’s how it works.

X

A


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Comments

Delenn Irving

This hits really hard for me right now, because I have a friend who passed in August from cancer. We were really close, and I learned things from him, and got back memories taken by childhood trauma that I never even knew I had lost, because he took me through things I didn't want to see because they hurt. Honestly, he made me think of Urgl from "The Neverending Story": "It has to hurt if it's to heal!". In the year or so leading up to him passing, we didn't talk as regularly. I didn't know how to talk to him without breaking down and telling him I didn't want to lose him, and I didn't want to make things harder for him. I think he also saw how hard it was on me and didn't know how to make me feel better. The silence got bigger and bigger, until finally I realized that if I didn't make the effort, if I didn't set aside my grief at the fact that I was losing him, if I didn't support him in the time I had left, I would never forgive myself. I reached out, he answered, and we spoke as often as we could. The last conversation we had was a few days before he passed. We were both feeling lonely, and both said we'd hug each other if we could. It was a really bittersweet moment that I will always treasure. A couple days later, I had to go to the ER after sustaining a fall, and the same night, he passed. I didn't know until I got home, and it devastated me. I miss him so much, but I'm so glad we got to have some sweet moments before it was too late to.

Dorit

Sending love and light.