gratitude...and happy new year. (Patreon)

my dear ones.

greetings from the south island...where i cannot even start to describe the beauty and the serenity.

after the christmas stress dies down....a breath.

still not home.

but making home here. still. for now.

home without any of my old belongings, without my family and old friends, without so many of the things that made me....me. in a way, it's very liberating...i'm able to be more of a blank slate over here.

i wanted to take this particular moment to just say, again, and from the bottom of my tired heart:

thank you.

i'm about to start day one of a hiking retreat - as soon as a i send this post, i begin: no phone, and no computer for 7 days, just mountains.

part of why i do this is to tune into the gratitude that i sometimes lose track of in the stress and fastness of everyday life.

i'm grateful to neil, for taking ash for a week so i can hike and calm down....

i'm grateful to new zealand, for being so lusciously beautiful, kind and relatively covid-free....

and also: i'm grateful for you. 

YOU.

without you - my patrons - these last few years would have looked very, very different indeed.

i am really not sure how i would have endured it all.

your patronage kept me from becoming unhinged, untethered. your support. your belief in me as a writer, an artist, a thinker, a mother...it has kept me going in ways i cannot even articulate.

your patronage also - and this is no small fucking deal - paid my rent and all my staff and office bills so that i didn't have to stress the fact that i can't tour right now.

it means the world to me. you mean the world to me. 

all of you.

i am noticing a pattern, a theme in my history, lately.

there have been those in my life who lit the fire, who pushed me to my limits of performance and patience, who screamed at me to stay on the tightrope, make the money, continue the feats of impossibleness. sometimes  - often - that person was me.

there have also been the people who encouraged me to rest. who took me in a loving embrace and reminded me that i was enough, that it was possible - necessary, even - to slow the pace of life and ambition and take deep, deep rest. 

sometimes, that person has been me, but not nearly enough. her voice is getting louder. 

and often, it's been YOU, here in these comments. 

i will tell you.

when you write to me and express not only your understanding of the great cycles of time and energy, but a genuine concern for my well-being...i read you. i hear you. i listen.

i am tired. i am going to rest.

i have to....or i won't be able to do anything good.

so...all of you, thank you. 

as i hike these green green hills under this blue blue sky and try to take the weight off my shoulders, please understand just how much you are helping me, and have helped me.

thank you for being here, thank you for supporting me....just, thank you.

this artist loves and appreciates you...and i'll be back.

i'll be offline for a week, and back around jan 6th or so. i'll read these comments then.

and may the new year shower you back with the kind of kindness and generosity that you have showered on me.

you deserve it. 

go easy on you, baby.

x

afp