i knead you. (Patreon)

Hello my loves.

This is a picture of Ash and Neil making pizza in the lockdown kitchen.

Indeed, who needs school when you have Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman to show you the difference between needing and kneading.

I'm working away on the Althing for this month, and I'm feeling quite emotional (what's new) about everything that's going on. 

A terrorist attack in New Zealand yesterday. (But if you ask my humble opinion, one that would have been way worse had the terrorist had the ability to buy an AK47 at a Walmart).

The abortion ban in Texas. After my year of touring and campaigning for our rights....I don't know where to start there. (I'm working on fitting it into the Abortion Art & Rights podcast we're still working away on. At least theres that to comfort me).

Afghanistan. 

Hurricane Ida. 

And....Covid. My friends in Australia. None of it is simple, is it. New variations, Mu variations, Me variations, You variations.

It all makes me want to stand very, very still.

Which is exactly what I've decided to do.

In a way I never have before.

I am paring things down the the essentials in a way I never have before in my career, and it feels....wonderful. I am saying yes to almost nothing. Starting almost nothing. Writing almost nothing. 

The lockdown here is going well, at least: there were only 20 new cases of Covid reported today in New Zealand, and the hard, fast lockdown is WORKING. 

Sadly, today New Zealand reported its first death in this wave.

Bringing the total number of Covid deaths in New Zealand from 26 to 27.

Let me just say that again, twenty-seven. 27. 27 people have died of Covid in this country.

So when people get snotty with me about New Zealand being stupid and "shutting down because of like ONE case of covid", I just shake my head and don't know what to say anymore. Smart people who don't know how viruses work. One case was, of course, not going to mean one case, as that person had already been perambulating around the community.

There is no school. I am cooking, I am cleaning, I am baking, I am doing laundry, I am fasting, I am doing yoga, I am walking a few miles a day, I am spending a lot of time on the phone with my family and friends back home, to keep alive those thinning threads.

There is pizza. And we play Clue. And we learn Backgammon.

And we make Ice Cream. 

And we make banana bread.

I am also looking at my patreon in a whole new way.

Since I started this patreon about six years ago, many of you have been chiding me about my inability to take a break.

SLOW DOWN AMANDA, you often say, you don't need to put out 37 things at once.

I know, I know.

I am finally....sort of....taking a true break for the firdst time in my life.

And you know what? I not only love it, but I'm able to rip a page out of my own goddamn book and fully, finally, allow myself to believe that I'm worthy of taking a break while still being supported.

It is hard.

As an indie artist, and a crowd-funded artist, I really have a hard time "floating". 

I am a New Englander. Idle hands are the devil's fucking workshop.

If I am not making, proving, producing, and looking busy as fuck, I am fired from life.

Leisure, retreat, self-care, moments of rest....these have always been very hard concepts for me to wrap my head around.

Even my yoga and meditation practice has to be hardcore. I tend to binge. I tend to go on a VERY PRODUCTIVE hiking retreat where I eat raw food for a week and then feel LIKE I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING and NOW I MUST GET BACK TO WORKING VERY HARD ND LOOKING VERY BUYS in order to be consdiered a viable part of the human race.

Even though - for many moons - I've known intellectually, and even emotionally, that this is a bananas and unsustainable way of life...it is still very hard for me. To. Stop.

Stopping is failure.

But I am changing.

Something about this pandemic - and this new lockdown - has slwoly unearthed a deep desire within for rest, for simplicity, for slowness, for listening to my body, for working within my capacity.

I have many arguments within my head about what is ETHICAL on this patreon.

But time and time again, many of you have written what I am not able to hear.

That these are the moments patronage is for.

That we are are an inter-dependent system.

That you cannot art from a dry well.

That you cannot go and go and go forever and still be useful.

And take a fucking break every once in a while, Amanda.

So that is what I'm trying to do now. 

Slowly.

I'll write more about the nitty-gritty of projects.....but mostly, I am doing the bare minimum to keep the team balanced and to make sure the next projects get out the door: the new video I made with Reb Fountain, the filming of the Small Hall show (how lucky was THAT timing, yet again) in Waiheke, the Abortion Rights podcast. It'll all come out as it comes out, as its ready.

And to you, all of you who are making this life, this rental, this woman, possible, thank you.

Thank you more than I can ever really express in the written word.

Thank you.

Thank you being here.

Thank you for staying here.

Thank you for believing in me as a writer, as a musician, as a writer.

Thank you for supporting me in this moment.

I knead you, deeply.

I hope you still knead me.

xxx

AFP

p.s. I'm reading and responding to comments for the next while. Write me. 

------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

1. if you are a patron and new to my work, don’t forget your patronage allows you access to ALL of my patreon releases to date. HERE is the link to download my latest big solo record, “There Will Be No Intermission”, and HERE is a link to download the PDF of the art/essay book that goes with it.

2. if you’re a patron reading this post via an email notification, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol. that's always nice for me to see, so i know who's reading.

3. see All the Things (over 150 of them) i've made so far on patreon:

http://amandapalmer.net/things

4. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

5. are you new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

6. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net