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a voice ramble about trauma, and tim...and a live storm coming. (Patreon)

Published:
2020-12-04 22:45:59
Imported:
2023-04

Content

{patron only}

hallo loves.

if you don't want to use the player here... here's the soundcloud embed to this morning's voiceramble, it's about 18 minutes long.

https://soundcloud.com/amandapalmer/voice-ramble-dec-5-2020/s-1EqKRQV1xEP 

i've got ash on my own all weekend so i'm working in the cracks. i've wanted to say something about the upcoming episode - this week - with tim ferriss, and about how he came forward on his own podcast this past september and spoke very candidly, and beautifully (in conversation with a mutual friend of ours, debbie millman). 

i really want you to listen to this - tim's - podcast.

i talk about why in the voice ramble, but if you don't have time to listen to my voice ramble, just please trust me, and give this one your time.




you can listen here:

https://tim.blog/2020/09/14/how-to-heal-trauma/

especially if you're a survivor of trauma, or know one. and i promise you: you do.

so that's everybody. 

so everybody, please listen.

it's so deeply inspiring in a way i can't really describe to hear big, successful, "have-it-all-together" people like tim and debbie talking this way. this openly about trauma. about the stress it brings. about the struggle to feel normal. about therapy and how it helps. about how your story is not "buriable."

it's LONG. it's two hours. but go on a walk in the woods, take a bath, clean the kitchen...whatever. just listen.

it's not dramatic. that's why it's so good. it's just really practical.

i know so many of you who will really relate, and take away a sense of calm, hopefully.

i know i did.

.........

also...tim has interviewed me twice before, and if you're on a real; listening-kick, you can go hear my past selves in conversation with a past tim-self:

once in March 2015...before i had a baby.

fun note: i was pregnant with ash and hadn't told anyone but neil.

i wonder if you can hear it:


Amanda Palmer on How to Fight, Meditate, and Make Good Art (#67)





and again in April 2019:

Amanda Palmer on Creativity, Pain, and Art (#368) 



they're both really good.

i love tim.

and so much more now.

wow.

.....

ALSO

A LIVE STORM.

KT and i are still on hold to talk, she's recouperating. i'll let you know when we schedule. and tim is buried and busy, so i'm not sure when we'll do our follow-up chat. (if you're following the plot, last week my podcast episode was with guest KT Tunstall came out. we had planned to go live together on instagram this week, but she wasn't feeling well).

MEANWHILE this week's podcast episode was with the incredible storm large. the feedback from that episode has been the best yet from my whole series so far.

that makes me happy.

i'm happy to share that storm will also be going live with me on instagram THIS SUNDAY, at 2pm PT / 5pm ET. 

we'll see how instagram goes, and for now.

DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESRTIONS FOM STORM? and me? US?

i'm looking at you, damian masterson, master of great querstions during the crowdcasts. :)....hit me here! i'm scanning the comments and will pull from them for the instagram. 

i'll also post the finished chat here as a link.




so make sure you're following me on IG, you can also turn on notifications for when i go live if you want to make sure you can tune in live. all these chats will be archived on my IGTV tab of my IG barring any issues saving them. you can also turn on notifications for when I have a new video on IGTV (which is the tab of your instagram profile where videos logger than 1 minute can be viewed)

just open up instagram app on your mobile device and hit the bell icon in the top right corner to turn on notifications:



that's all for now

*ash just joined me at the keyboard and wants you all to know that he lost his sword and we have to go look for it*




xxx

amanda, and ash, who wants to type something to you all:

egg-poop

(thanks, ash)

Files

voice ramble dec 5 2020 by Amanda Palmer

voice ramble from aotearoa new zealand, december 5, 2020

Comments

Anonymous

Lovely Amanda, I think it is the third option. By being open and supportive you allow people the space to open up to you. I honestly think we all carry something, whether we are aware of it or not. I've interviewed over 100 people for my project to share stories about physical and mental health conditions. The amount of people who opened up about abuse in their childhood sadness me but I'm glad I can share their stories. I believe seeing your story through someone else's words brings some relief to people.

Anonymous

thanks love. these are intimate and appreciated. x

Laura Wellner

egg-poop back at you, Ash! Love & Hugs to you both!

Anonymous

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Im crying, but thank you. ❤ Your voice ramble felt like a warm hug.

Jozias

Thank you and I will listen if I can find it. My daughter happens to come out to me. She is over the ocean. Better to say: I'm so afraight saying things wrong. Or saying the wrong things. She was always bipolar and got a terrible experience of sexual abuse. She told me a part of it. Something terrible they did, she can't tell she says to me. So yes, thank you so much continuing this. I will listen. First find it. My tummy turns around in me tho.

Jozias

Sort of a reminder. I paused it. Notes during Tim's podcast. I have to warn for the experimental paths he went. He is so specific there. That stops. So keep listening. He says he wanted to write a book about but his parents had to pass. The shame is so terrible. He blamed himself for what happened and thought his parents would do the same. He wanted to prevent his parents from that. In the podcast he is already on a point that he got over that. He couldn't wait longer. He has to survive. He told he caused himself pain with a nife. They think he did that to give relief to the pain inside. Recognition. Confirmation of self.

Anonymous

Thank you. I missed those voicerambles.

Jozias

Thanks again Amanda. This was so helpful. So many doors are popping open. Also in my relation to my wife. Who is child abused. We have a troublesome relation. What I'm on a point to give up from. We'll see.

Karina

I want the brain space back to be able to listen to these podcasts. Not just the one you're talking about in this post, but all of them. I can't slow down my mind long enough to really engage with anything and it's exhausting. I have FINALLY started treatment for Complex PTSD. The almost 2 decades of therapy, outpatient treatment, multiple hospital admissions, day programs etc were all treatment of the SYMPTOMS of the mental illnesses I developed as a result of trauma. It was all to get me strong and physically well enough to start trauma therapy/treatment. I'm told it's going to be a long road ahead still. I feel worse now than I did when I was stuck in hospital with a tube down my nose to keep me alive. Trauma is fucked. It's even more fucked when the trauma is caused at the hands of another person, and intentionally. This is why as hard as I try I just can't have compassion for everyone. I totally respect your ability to be radically compassionate but I just don't know how. There are people on this Earth who do NOT deserve compassion in my opinion. At the beginning of this year when I saw your show 3 times I was all for it and wanted to try, I wanted to be able to have compassion even for those who have destroyed parts of me, I thought it would help me heal, but the more and more I have to face trauma and the symptoms of CPTSD the less compassion I feel. Every time I have a flashback, or something as innocent as a smell triggers some somatic symptom in my body or sends me into a state of hyperarousal, it is like being back at each traumatic event again being retraumatised over and over again. Safe doesn't feel safe. It might not actually be happening over and over again, and I can try to tell myself that, but my body doesn't get that message.

Anonymous

Thank you - not only for this, but for the perfect timing! I spent two month this summer in a psychiatric clinic, after 35 years of pushing any thought of being abused as a child out of my mind, getting addicted on the way. When i listened to your voice ramble this morning - and afterwards to Tims podcast with Debbie - i had already finished a text about my experience. You encouraged me to finally post this thing - the moment my daughter will be with her father for a week, so i can cope with whatever reactions may appear. THANK YOU, endlessly! If you like, i‘ll send you the link when it‘s done. The text is written in german - in Dresden, dear doll, so it will be easy for you ❤️ Edit: Here is the link https://www.patreon.com/posts/44803958

Damian Masterson

I’m out of audible credits and haven’t gotten to check out Storm’s book, but these are some things that came to mind from listening to the podcast. You both briefly touched upon being driven to perform in part to avoid loneliness. The current cultural moment is marked by ever increasing feelings of loneliness. It’s unlikely that we can all be rock stars. How else do you combat loneliness, and cultivate connection with others in your lives? You both talk about the challenges you faced in your youth with isolation, and negative thought spirals, as well as the years of work and self-care that helped pull you out of those habits. Can you think of anything you could tell to your younger selves that would have sped up or eased that process, anything your younger selves would have been able and willing to hear? In the context of finding one’s voice, you talked about the importance of being yourself, not letting someone pigeonhole you. Can you talk about the challenges of being authentic in a way that finds enough of an audience to make success sustainable, and evolving in an authentic in a way that brings your audience along? You both appeared in lead roles in Cabaret. Do you have anything to share about that experience, or acting in general? Is there still something you know you can do that you wished you got more opportunities to do? Writing, acting, speaking, directing, teaching? You both mentioned Patti Smith. Who else do you take as role models for career longevity? You both are comfortable talking about sexuality, even publicly inhabiting your sexuality. Has that posed challenges for you? Have you had to learn how to navigate that authentically without also inviting kinds of attention you don’t want?

Anonymous

Did the Voice Ramble get deleted? It's not there any more.

Len Tower Jr.
>>49038631

Copy-n-paste this link into a browser https://soundcloud.com/amandapalmer/voice-ramble-dec-5-2020/s-1EqKRQV1xEP (There is a typo in the link above.)

Len Tower Jr.
>>49038631

Hayley posted above: "There seems to be some issue with the display at the top where the audio is embedded - if you click on the gray play sign, it'll re-load into the correct soundcloud embed. I'll reach out to Patreon about this, meanwhile, I've fixed the broken link: https://soundcloud.com/amandapalmer/voice-ramble-dec-5-2020/s-1EqKRQV1xEP "