The State of All Things, April 2020, and a recipe. {official Thing} (patron-only) (Patreon)

(patron only)

hi, my loves.

it's time for the monthly althing. 

it's been hard to find time to write it....so it's coming out very late in the month.

if you don't have time to read through it, here's the summary: 

-my life has been really fucking upended this past month,
-i haven't had much time to work so everything is very behind,
-i know you love me anyway...and, yes, i love you,
-i'm about to put out a few things in quick succession before the end of the month (hopefully one dresden dolls surpise-thing and one jack & gaby essay, the final one). so, as always
-cap your pledge. 

and for the long read.....

how am i, really?

i just posted this to the forum. 

this embroidered gift was given to me at one of my last shows before lockdown in christchurch (or was it auckland?) by a really nice kiwi man who made it himself. 

it has become my little talisman. 

i have lived in four air bnbs in new zealand since receiving this gift and i’m about to move into a fifth. 

the people of this town and this country have been so extraordinarily generous. we have a car, a loaner gift from a neighbor. we have play dates. we are making friends. people are inviting us places. we found a school, after many recommendations and visits. someone loaned us a bike and a helmet. families have donated warm clothes and toys and games for ash. people are nice, and people are kind, and people are good. this piece of art will hang above my bed wherever i go forever. to the kiwi man who made it and gave it to me, wherever you are, and maybe you're here on the patreon: i love you. thank you.

and....

well, fuck.

greetings from havelock north, aotearoa. 

the country came out of level 3 lockdown and into level 2 this past thursday. we can go to the playground, and shops are open, but there is contact tracing everywhere and social distancing is still in effect.

in the last few days new zealand has recorded only one new case of COVID-19. 

i had a group of (new) friends over to our house for the first time and we walked up to the top of the hill near our house. this is a pretty good representation of the emotional spectrum at the moment.

............. 

first...if you are a NEW PATRON. hi. welcome. it’s good here, i hope. a different kind of internet for your tired eyes. this is strange time to be coming in, because nothing is happening the way it usually does.

this is my monthly round-up blog, the “state of all things” (or “Althing”, for short). 

two years ago, i asked the whole community if they were okay with me having a single charged blog/newsletter per month, just to keep everything running, and paid for, and pretty much everyone said YES. so this is how we do it. it also means that i never have to “rush” out a piece of art because we have a blank month. its nice. and it’s a chance for the whole crew and staff to muse directly at you about what they’re up to. we dig it.

these monthly Althings are a great way of giving me, and the whole team, a chance to reflect and catch up.....it means we all have to slow down for a second and look at what's happening. we read all the comments, so feel free to say hi, introduce yourself if you're new, and just wave at us. we're here, it's a hard moment right now, and we love you. 

....

cancel.

no.

leave a message.

i didn't think that my month, my april-going-into-may of 2020, would be about living in rural new zealand taking care my four-year-old on my own. no; that was not the plan.

i'm sure you may have had a month that you didn't bank on, either. 

in my case, everything is about as upside-down as it could get, and yet some things are more clear than they've ever been. i know very deeply, more than i did a month ago, who i am, what i believe, what i need, and what i am capable of when i need to be.

so much.

am i happier? sadder? neither, really. things happen.

i've had things happen relentlessly for the past few years, why should they stop now? friends die of cancer, babies die in the womb. why not this, too? due to all srots of factors very much beyond my control, i have found myself here.

in a foreign country (albeit a really wonderful one), taking care of ash on my own during a lockdown (with the help of an old friend, xanthea, and a nearby friend, kya), not knowing where my life is headed, not knowing when i'll see my own shores again. 

i have had very little time to "work", very little time, to blog, very little time to write music or "make art" (almost none, really).

but i know this: i haven't spent my life building a really good, caring community for no godammn reason. THIS, this, here, this, now is why i have spent my whole career more interested in relationships than anything else.

this patreon, far more than social media platforms like twitter and facebook, has insured that i don't feel alone and unsupported. financially, yes. but more importantly, emotionally. 

if i thought this patreon meant a lot to me a few months ago, i think i can safely say that it is the strongest, most reliable and comforting constant in my life right now.

.......

after visiting four little kindergarten/childcare joints in the fine suburb of havelock north, new zealand, i just put ash into school. YAY.

the relief i felt when i walked out that door was enough to make me well up. I CAN HAVE MY TIME BACK. I NEED SOME TIME. to heal, to think. to take a fucking walk by myself.

and i've missed doing my job. i've missed having time to telephone people. i've missed answering my emails. i've missed being a person who does things other than domestic stuff and kid stuff. and i've missed, really missed,  being able to write my thoughts down. yesterday, for the first time in two months, i went to a coffee shop alone and opened my journal to a blank page.

a blank page, indeed.

i 've missed my coffeeshop-journal ritual more than almost anything, this time to connect with myself and just flow words onto the page while strangers chatter around me to the soundtrack of clinking plates and glasses, the smells of cooking food, radio sharing its musical thoughts with us, sun beaming from the sky onto a pile of jam. this is what makes me happy.

i don;'t know yet when i am ever going to go home.

i don't know what's right for ash, and he's who matters right now. 

there have been a total of 21 covid deaths in this country. twenty one. i read the news from america, and from my town in new york. it worries me. i have a feeling we won’t be leaving anytime soon. 

go slow, repair, and listen harder seem to be the themes of the moment.

..................

i am listening.

it's noisy in there.

almost every day, i wake up with a swirling head of thoughts and feelings about COVID, about motherhood, about what it means to be "essential", about how we communicate, about why people need art, about new zealand, about what it means to tell the truth, about what it means to be hated, about what it means to be public, about how it feels to be alive right now.

and the words want to come out, and get written down, and then the day begins and just as quickly: ends again. 

the breakfast needs making, the laundry needs doing, ash needs tending to, the day rolls on, the dinner hour comes, the bath needs filling, there are stories to be read, and the idea of sitting down and writing something at 9 pm is exhausting. at night,  try to read two pages of a book and catch up on the news from america, then i fall over on my pillow next to ash around 9:30 pm, and go to sleep. for the ones who are single-parenting, without a partner AND without a housemate, especially those with multiple tiny children....i don't know. 

hats. fucking. off. you are a super-hero of the highest order.

last night we watched the local new zealand TV news, and there was a spot about what's going on in america. i broke down crying, seeing miles of lines of automobiles in line for food in a macy's parking lot.

i know how i safe i am here and i feel so helpless.

i am still trying to do my "job". 

my non-essential "job".

i feel like i have spent a lot of my career apologizing for things Not Happening. sorry the album is late, sorry the tour is delayed or not happening, sorry the merch isn't in the shop yet, sorry i haven't blogged about that thing i said i was going to blog about, sorry i haven't shared any pictures from that event, sorry i haven't updated the website in forever, sorry i haven't....

yesterday i read a beautiful email-list-type email from lorde, a musician i love a lot, who's also in (and from) new zealand. a few years ago, she left social media completely and now just sends a mass email a few times a year. that's it. in it, she talks about kicking her social media addiction. 

i wonder, a lot, about the difference between being addicted to social media, and just needing people. 

i think we are all probably thinking about that a lot, nowadays.

i have heard so many stories from so many people - including, today, a mother of a six-month-old baby who noted that her child has now spent half his life without "seeing other people" - for whom social media provides real and hardcore and (dare i say) "essential" community. my life's work sometimes feels like it's centered squarely between Making Art and Learning How To Be With People.

i felt that a lot this month.

learning how to be with people including ... one housemate, and one four-year-old, for days on end, while the internet discussed me, discussed my husband, discussed things that weren't true and meanwhile, it's just. y'know, back to the red wine at the table, the avo for the kale salad, another round of dr seuss and a bath for ash, and my yoga practice to remind myself who i am beyond peoples weird perceptions. 

i wrote this and i liked it, because it felt true, and because i needed to say it to myself (which is always true when i say things like this on the internet):

..........

i have been worried about my team, a little. reading what they wrote here, belopw, was really comforting. i'm glad we do this every month. it helps glue the team together.

i have been worried about my friends in new york and london in general, because things are horrific over there, but i've been especially worried about michael and hayley and alex, and now connor, because things are weird for all of them at once, and it's hard to keep the team afloat and feeling good....and then, add the chaos that my personal tragedies dumped on top of the timeline, and you get a shitty stew.

i don't like feeling like i'm not taking care of my team. but i also know that in certain cases, it turns into an own-oxygen-mask-first moment, and right now i feel myself flailing and overwhelmed most of the day every day, and i know there is a giant blanket of forgiveness wafting around, sometimes it covers me and warms me up, and sometimes it covers hayely, or michael, or jordan, or alex...we are all trying to give each other a lot of time to heal, grief, rest, freak, re-set....it's just too much to take in. we know we're not getting it perfect. and we know this is fine.

........

we are a company, but we are also a family.

this is why i don't want to just let you know when i have a record out.

i want to let you know when i don't have a record out.

guess what, everybody?

**drum roll***

i don't have a record out.

............

but i do have art coming your way, and things i am, in my slowwww-ass and steady way, trying to work on, for myself as much as for you and to pay the bills.

two days ago, on her laptop and with two mics that we bought locally, xanthea engineered a track for me. the piano here in the house is a beauty.

that will hopefully turn into a surprise very soon. it feels good to drop ash off at school and actually WORK. even if the heat stopped working and i had to WORK bundled up like glenn gould.

not making art makes me feel hungry and angry and tired and weird.

this is my bumper sticker for the post:

it's not that i get off-kilter when i don't "make' art.

i get soul-hangry when i don't SHARE art.

this is why using patreon is so absolutely perfect for a person like me.

.................

i'm also hoping to get jack and gaby's next medium piece out very very soon.

it's been months in the making and it's REALLY REALLY GOOD.

......

it is possible that i'll be putting two things out VERY CLOSE TOGETHER.

that is because my month was fucked up.

i know you won't mind.

do not forget to cap your pledge.

patreon is amazing. 

i am so deeply grateful that me, my team, and my collaborators can still make a living while in various states of lockdown. thanks to you.

..........

on that topic,

i wanted to share this tweet from a random musician i'd never heard of, that i saw about a week ago amidst a ton of other kerfuffling on the internet:

i answered:

if you've been around long enough, you'll see miles of depth beneath that tiny tweet.

but if i had to clarify: this patreon, and why i use it, and why we are here, does not feel like it is about "music", or rather, it is not about "selling access to a musical product". it is about "supporting a person who makes music".

i do not insist that all musicians be like me. that'd be really weird.

but i do think that artists and musicians spend a lot of time worrying that they need to believe that the above tweet is true: that we are better off presenting ourselves as a music-product-delivery machine, instead of human beings with lives, struggles, children, problems....and lately....pandemics.

hi, i'm amanda, and i'm an artist in a pandemic.

thank you for supporting my patreon.

if any of you are feeling like jesus, go support sean's patreon. he's only got 33 patrons, so even a few people giving him a hand would be a nice surprise. tell him i sent you, and that i love him. (his music is pretty good! it's prince-infuenced....princfluenced!!!)

(and there are, below, a few more recommendations of people to support, which i do every month, keep scrollllllling.)

this isn't trolling.

it's a kind of amanda-palmer kindness-warrior trolling. just go be nice to the guy. it'll heal a little hole in the universe.
https://www.patreon.com/cspaniels

...........

meanwhile....

here are some pictures of around the house.

it's so gorgeous here.

i would love to blog more about the feeling here in aoteroa. i will try.

maybe now that ash in in school, time will appear.

it's okay if it doesn't.

suffice to say: it is a beautiful and welcoming and wonderful place and i am more grateful to be here than i can express. jacinda ardern is my hero, and 

........

THE SHADOWBOX is GETTING GOING!!!!!

if you haven't posted yet, wander over.

i was hoping to post a ton more this month, but....yeah. pandemic and single-momming, so i didn't have the oodles of time i was hoping for.

we have over 2,000 people registered , posting over 7,000 replies in over 300 unique discussion topics.

some notable topics to check out:

stop by michael's (virtual) neighborhood pub (in the patron-only section)/
take a trip down memory lane and share about the first afp/dolls show you saw live.

and don't forget to Introduce Yourself.

we had over 220,000 pages views last month (that's how many times people visited threads and viewed a url on the forum). WHEEE!!!!!!

the top search term in the forum was "capybara" with nearly 300 searches. yep.

i am trying to post there more and more, to break my twitter, instagram and facebook habits down into compost.

come help me. 

maybe break your own habits.

.....

also, i want to keep plugging the "ART LIVES ON" WEB RESOURCE

if you are looking to hep to artists in need, i helped rhinannon giddens with this website/resource for artists in COIVD-times, and it is going really well.

i'm proud of us. 

go look and see what we did:

https://www.artliveson.com/about

.....

i joined an "OPERATION SAVE ABORTION: KEEP OUR CLINICS" LIVESTREAM....

and i cried, because it was on my birthday, and it was 48 hours after neil left the country, and i had fallen apart, and this fucking incredible group of activists made me a birthday cake so i wouldn't feel so alone.

the poetry was vast. my sisters came through.

i cried.

this is a moment of my life i won't forget.

if you want to donate, here:

keepourclinics.org 

......

THE UNCLICKABLE HEART

for the first time in the history of patreon, i asked permission to retro-actively "thing"(charge for) a long-form piece of comment-reading-and-writing i did called the "unclickable heart".

i was really proud of the whole....thing.

this community is, in itself, an artwork.

a collage of hearts.

i love you all so much.

i like being not alone, and this community and its stories have fastened itself to my flesh. i feel like a different kind of artist, having published this.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/unclickable-and-35801741

.......

I HOSTED A WEBCAST WITH MY FRIENDS ON MY BIRTHDAY.....

you can watch the full 2.5 hour archived webcast here:

https://www.crowdcast.io/e/afpbirthdaystream

if you want some warm fuzzies.

i started out singing happy birthday to myself....

my bestie jason webley kicked things off with a sing-along-song on accordion 

wendy on twitter captured a cute video clip of ash singing along....
https://twitter.com/WendyWings/status/1255645648902189056

sxip shirey and coco karol planned a THING and sxip performed a beautiful song with coco dancing by a lake in new hampshire, where they are locked down with their 10-month-old, thelonius.

i love these two people so much. coco, especially, has been holding my hand through a lot of the last month emotionally, even though she's dealing with her own pain and baby-schedule. their gift of time and art was so beautiful it almost hurt my heart. 

this is my ugly cry screenshot.

they have joined patreon and you can support them here: http://patreon.com/sxipshirey

........

zoe keating popped in to play happy birthday for me on cello....

.....whitney moses sang a song for me and sang a stevie-wonder-style happy birthday to me.....her band, midtown social: https://www.midtownsocialband.com....

and pamela, a patron who was watching the chat, raised her hand to say that she was a domestic counselor in brooklyn. i brought her on screen to chat about her work and what the situation is like now for her clients in lockdown.

there are many great organizations helping people out, especially now. here's a list of some orgs and resources pamela has passed along.

i know this is a lot. i'm going to be trying to get some money via one of the next released to one of these charities, so please tell me if you have thoughts or preferences (or even work at one of them):

https://www.rainn.org

https://www.northbrooklyncoalition.org

https://www.iamwomankind.org

https://avp.org

https://www.safehorizon.org

https://sanctuaryforfamilies.org

https://nycsurvivorresources.org

aaaaaaand......

my beautiful, locked-in-brooklyn-assistant michael performed a song on ukulele for us. (you can follow michael on instagram: @mwmccomiskey )

aaaaaaand special surprise guest dresden dolls BRIAN VIGLIONE joined in with the bongos, and played drums with ash.

brian is here:
https://www.brian-viglione.com

and......

i did a free-wheeling interpretative dance to "i will survive".

it felt nice.

then lance horne, lady rizo, debs, rachel and a whole pack of beautiful art friends who are staying at my house in woodstock performed songs and a beautiful choreographed DANCE routine for me. 

the internet connection was a little choppy so i asked them to record their choreographed performance so we could watch it in full resolution.....

enjoy.... :) it's fucking redonkulously sweet.
https://youtu.be/8CDqqdPo-D4

and....last but not least....

jason webley closed the night with a special request.

(then jason asked me to play sing, which i did, and surprised me with guest gang vocals from two giraffes):

and sweet brian made this college of all the performers on his instagram:

i love my friends.

here are the lyrics from jason's song, "almost time to go". the ugly cry was justified.

Your feet are still in shoes that they've outgrown,
It's almost time, it's almost time.

Think of seed you've scattered, and you've sown,
All out of your hands,
Lost in the wind like a little feather,
And the things you feel 

outsmart 

the things you know.

It's almost time, 

it's almost time to go.

............

A RECIPE.

WHY NOT?

AMANDA & XANTHEA'S FUCK-YES QUARANTINE BREAKFAST BOWL  

(i also posted it HERE on the forum if anybody has additions, ideas, spins, etc:

https://forum.theshadowbox.net/t/amanda-xantheas-fuck-yes-breakfast-bowl/3341)

a recipe, you say?

i mean....why not.

all of team AFP have put up their hands to be next in line, and i've also posted this recipe to a thread in the forum at: ()

feel free to toss in your own easy and amazing recipes, especially while people are in lockdown, it's a nice, simple, comforting thing we can do for each other.

i started making this breakfast, at least 3-4 times a week, about a year and a half ago.

i was 15 pounds over my usual life-time average weight, and i'd figured that after breastfeeding ash, i would just snap back. it didn't happen. my flab and extra poundage was starting to really mentally and physically weigh me down, and at the start of summer 2019, i had fucking had it and decided to do something i'd never really done before in my life: deliberately diet. i had a copy of my pal tim ferriss' book "the four-hour body" on my shelf in new york, since he'd sent it as a nice gift. i opened it, and decided to fuck it and simply follow the simple and hardcore diet in the book (highly recommended. it worked, and basically involved cutting out carbs and sugar and fruit, and then bingeing on delicious foods to your heart's content once a week). 

a big part of the diet is cooking/eating a massive slow-carb breakfast at the start of every day, something i was REALLY unaccustomed to doing as a never-hungry-at-the-start-of-every-day person. i'm traditionally a coffee-and-muffin at 10am sort of human. i forced myself to change. i noticed my energy went way up, and my sweet-cravings went away. try it.

and even if you just want something delicious and simple to eat for breakfast or brunch or lunch.....try it. post photos in the forum. i'd love to see your bowls :)

here we go.

prep/cooking time: 25-30 minutes

ingredients needed:

butter or olive oil

6 eggs

any greens you've got in the fridge (kale, spinach, chard, brussels sprouts, broccoli)

one can of black beans (or substitute any kind of canned beans - red, kidney, etc).

one small/medium onion (any kind)

4-6 cloves of garlic

lemon juice (if you've got a lemon, lime works too)

avocado (one whole one) 

cilantro (a bit)

salsa (any kind)

hot sauce (or sriracha...again, dealer's choice)

...........

you're gonna need two medium-sized pans and a pot. 

one for the greens, one for the eggs, and one for the beans.

fire up the biggest pan you got on a medium to high heat.

toss in either a tablespoon or two of butter, or a few tablespoons of olive oil. let it get sizzle-y.

while that's happening, grab your onion. chop that fucker up very coarsely, in big, chunky strips about the size of a child's pinky finger. as soon as the pan is hot enough to sizzle, throw in the entire pile of onion. stir it around.

while the onion is browning, chop up the garlic. again, the pieces should be big and chunky, none of this finely slices or teeny weeny pieces or the shit will burn. a single clove should only yield about 4-5 chunks, about the size of an adult-sized back molar tooth.

as soon as the onion starts browning, throw in the garlic. turn the heat down a tiny bit.

open up your can of beans and drain them. put them in your pot on a low heat and let them start to heat up, and add in a dash of salt, pepper and hot sauce. keep an eye on those fuckers and keep stirring them every few minutes.

next, chop up your greens. they'll shrink down, especially the spinach, so be generous. i usually use four big handfuls of greens. ANY GREEN WILL DO. kale, bok choy, collard greens, anything leafy, ANYTHING GREEN! chop of that green thing coarsely (and with spinach, i don't chop, i just toss it in). spinach tenderized quickly and kale takes a while, so add the toughest veggies first and the finest last. try different combos! go through the fridge! try OTHER COLORED VEGETABLES! it is a BOWL! ANYTHING CAN GO IN!

as soon as the garlic starts browning along with the onion, throw the greens on top of the onion and garlic melange. stir it all up. the greens will start to gradually soften while you MAKE YOUR EGGS.

then take pan number two, grease it with butter or oil, and scramble up your six eggs. or you can just fry them....however you dig your eggs. 

by the time your greens are nice and tender, your eggs should be cooked up and your beans should be all set. 

grab a bowl, and toss everything in together. 

squeeze your lemon juice over the whole thing, especially the greens.

pour a little extra hot sauce on if you dig The Heat.

take a few tablespoons of salsa and pop that on top, too.

if you have avocado or cilantro, slice it up and add.

salt and pepper to taste, and....

VOILA.

you won't be hungry til dinner and you will feel like one million dollars.

you are welcome.

other things that work: add kim chi, sliced up tomatoes (grape tomatoes/cherry tomatoes are especially yum).....add some noodles or leftover ramen from last night, add RICE from the night before (really nice if you pop it in a fan and fry it up a bit)....really, anything goes.

......

WHAT'S COMING DOWN THE PIKE...

hopefully, hopefully, next month:

the THERE WILL BE NO INTERMISSION ANNOTATED ARTBOOK PDF

it's been delayed so many months it's unreal.

but now, i have so many more things to reflect on.

so it's good.

i need time to write the new introduction.

wait for it.
....

THE TASMANIA CONFESSIONAL DOCUMENTARY.....

i's coming along and it's magnificent.

wait for it.

.....
THE DRESDEN DOLLS

and yes, maybe a surprise from the dresden dolls.....:)

photo by francine daveta, joe's pub, 2002.

......

THE PODCAST....

EEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

all art and promo materials and the first season of episodes are being finalized, finally as i type. we are still platying around with designs....

but here's a sketch of an image....and i am so excited about this guest, elizabeth lesser. our talk was wonderful.

i'm going to release an episode once a week, it'll be available wherever you prefer to get your podcasts (apple podcasts, spotify, stitcher, soundcloud etc.), and then, since most of these conversations were recorded last year and THE WORLD HAS LITERALLY CHANGED in the last few weeks, i'm going to have a follow up conversation with each guest later in the week (we're aiming for every friday, but it'll vary on the guests' availability), as a live webchat that'll be patron-only after you've had a few days to listen to the podcast, you can tune in to the webcast and ask questions and follow ups and hang with us on the good ol' internet.

so that's coming. i hope.

endless delays have been endless.

........

and now...NITTY GRITTY TIME.

HOW THE PATREON HAS GROWN....

i go over this stuff every month, but if your'e new:

patreon charges you monthly & retroactively, meaning that you get billed on the 1st of the month for all the Things released the month prior (for example, you were charged for the Things released in january on february 1st). 

because people have their pledges capped (HAVE YOU NOT CAPPED YOUR PLEDGE? if you are on a budget, you should. here's the tutorial again), the first Thing raises the most money, and anything released thereafter raises less and less. I LIKE THIS. it means i never feel too guilty!!!!!. really. do it. cap cap cap your pledge if you are on a tight budget. 

the numbers below are gross. they are not net. meaning: it's the money raised before fees were deducted by patreon and is not the total deposited to me. patreon takes a 5% fee (which they use to build and sustain the platform, which is GOOD) and then there's a payment processing fee, which varies on a ton of factors and is usually between 5-9% of the total collected. 

also, none of this reflects the money i SPENT MAKING THE ART, running my business, paying the office rent, getting myself around, getting the team around and fed and slept,....all the collaborators and my actual staff payroll, etc. 

i don't share that level of nitty-detail-stuff with you because i assume it would bore you to fucking tears. but you can trust me: paying for a full-time staff, office, manager, accountant, and massive team of art-collaborators ain't cheap. sometimes we barely break even, especially when we do a lot of charity projects.

last year patreon changed their pricing and fee plan. however, all creators who've had accounts up until may 7, 2019 are considered "founding creators" (read: grandfathered in) and for the time being are locked into the original fee structure with the 5% patreon fee and the 5-9% credit card payment processing fee.

back in MARCH, i Thanged One Thing:

February 2020: State of All The Things was the first and only Thing and it earned about $56,369 from 14,709 patrons

(we say "about" because patreon may be still trying to process some pledges that have yet to go through...we never know, you know.)

them's the numbers.

.....................

and now.....

DISPATCHES FROM TEAM AFP.

from hayley:

Hello everyone,

I want to start this off by expressing my deep and sincere gratitude - to each and every one of you reading this update, to those who are here but not reading this update, and to every person who reached out to me or commented on last month's Althing. Thank you - for thinking of Amanda, for thinking of me, for thinking of Michael, Alex and Jordan, all of us and all of each other. As Amanda says, this community is everything.

I have been quite pleased to see how the relaunching of The Shadowbox has gone over this last month. I've put a lot of time, heart and work into this space and I'm so happy to see it thriving. We always have more work ahead of us, and room for things to grow and improve, but it's beautiful to see connections being made and to see it thrive as a bright spot to congregate on the internet. Thanks to everyone who answered my call seeking moderators, I'm still working on that and will reach out to folks as we move to get ready adding more help. For now, we have about 2,000 registered users and so far the issues have been minimal (just some settings or labels needing tweaks here and there).

As you know from my last dispatch in last month's Althing, I'm in lockdown in New York City in my apartment, alone. I've found this to be difficult with some days harder than others, but as time goes on I'm finding that I'm getting more and more used to it, which I think is a good thing as far as coping with what's happening, but I do wonder how this will feel long term, how this will feel when things do loosen up and so on. I've had lots of chats with so many people, and a topic that has come to mind a bit is musing how it feels strange to have such an inflated cost of living in NYC in a tiny space while not being able to enjoy any of the things that makes those things a trade off - concerts, culture, friends, events, parties, bars, restaurants, parks, views of the skyline, long bus and train rides to clear your head, shopping and interacting with neighbors/community etc. all these things that were part of our normal hustle and bustle are inaccessible to us. 

And yet - I feel a strong sense of home here and I never felt the urge to flee from the city, even as a temporary measure, though the fantasy of having a yard with a dog, living in a smaller city/town with a car is a real one right about now. New York is my home, it's like an old friend, and you don't leave a friend when they are having a bad day, when they need you the most they've ever needed you. You don't turn your back on home, and you don't place your love somewhere else because it's more convenient. You do what you can to persevere, to lift others up, and slog along.

Today, as of this writing, Friday, May 15th the New York State on PAUSE (the official name of our lockdown) was set to expire, however to no real surprise it has been extended another two weeks, to May 28th. New York has started a phase plan to open the state region by region, with the very clear understanding that New York City and Long Island (downstate NY) will be among the last of the regions, as we're the most affected by the virus, the timeline being "we'll know when we know" which hasn't been very reassuring. Our mayor seems to think NYC will be 'closed' until at least September. At this point it's easier to just assume this will be a very long time rather than anticipate any progress towards resuming life in the city "as normal". I read this article in the New York Times called "Why the Path to Reopening New York City Will Be So Difficult" and it affirmed all the things that I've been thinking about and chatting with friends about - NYC is a densely populated city that relies on public transportation, that makes it difficult to resume our way of living in a time of pandemic. I feel very stoic about all of this. It is what it is, and we'll do what we can to make it through it, to help those around us, and to keep our spirits as high as we can, for as long as we can.

It goes without saying, but it is very much worth saying: I work with some of the most compassionate, loving, sincere and caring people, and I feel insanely grateful to have Amanda in my life and for her, as a boss, to literally express more care and attention to the well-being of her staff than to pressure us on anything relating to money, bottom lines, profits or productivity. We've all been working so well together for long enough that we know what we need to do to keep this art ship afloat, to keep you all taken care of, but at the end of the day, there is so much humanity and authenticity here and I see what's happening around me and cannot express my gratitude enough. Thank you, Amanda. Thank you Team AFP. Thank you patrons.

On the home front, I am excited to report that my dill and cilantro seeds just sprouted, my scallions are going strong, my celery is re-growing really well, and I've cooked some really beautiful meals, tried some new recipes, I'm working on some art/craft projects, regularly checking in on my parents, doing regular virtual game nights with my siblings, playing a lot of Animal Crossing, and I've been listening to tons of music that helps lift my spirits. I've been meditating every day (a new thing for me to do regularly) and that's been something I've found grounding.

This hard. And it will get harder before it gets easier. There's no way around it, the only way is through it. So we will get through it, some way, some how. We move forward, onward, we carry on trying our best to keep our heads high, and lift up those around us that could use a hand. I have a lot of hopes, and among my many desires is that you are all hanging in there, whatever that may mean, that you too have your head up, minimal weight on your shoulders, that you are keeping your spirits up, and doing what you can to support those around you so that tomorrow is brighter than today.

With love, gratitude and well wishes from Queens, New York,

Hayley

{QUEENS. i love you hayley. hang in there. we all love you so much and appreciate what you do. xxxxxx <3 - afp}

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from michael:

Hello Patrons,

I’ve been trying to write this update for a few days, and it’s really difficult to figure out what to say. So much is happening around us right now for everyone around the world. Even if you’re lucky enough to be in a place that is doing well, there are so many places that are not. I wanted to just share my current thoughts on what has been going on in my world with you

Living in New York City is at best daunting at the moment. Our Shelter in Place orders, called “Pause”, are in effect “Through May 15th” and as of 4:30pm on May 14th there is still no real update about how long that will be extended until. As it currently stands there are 7 metrics that each region must reach before entering into “Phase 1” of reopening, but there is simply no way of knowing when that will happen. So. What do we do? How do we stay hopeful? How do we keep trying to bring love and compassion and art into the world that has been so drastically altered? 

Some projections show that over 1 million people or 22% could be unemployed by June, and that number is just. . . staggering. Lately I’ve been struggling on many fronts trying to figure out what to do and how to help. I am one of the incredibly lucky ones to have not only an amazing job with an incredible team that I love dearly, but also a support system in my personal life as well. I know so many people who don’t have one or the other and some who have neither. How do I help them? How can I give back to my community? How do I not feel guilty for what I am lucky enough to have?

With all of these external issues weighing on my mind, it’s no wonder that there are plenty of internal issues that come up as well. One of the many things that I have read that has continued to stay with me is that one definition of a traumatic event is when you feel like you cannot have any control in the situation and that the situation is one that you cannot escape from. Well, here we are. Regardless of the many privileges that I happen to have, this is not an easy scenario by any stretch of the imagination. This is really hard shit and it has absolutely taken its toll on my mental wellbeing. How do I cope? How do I ask for help when I feel like nothing will help? How can I help other people when I am having such a hard time helping myself?

These are questions that I think about every day and to a large extent I have yet to fully answer any of them. I know that I am trying to be present and mindful as much as I can. To be as productive and empathetic as I can when I can, and to allow myself to retreat and shut myself off when that feels like what is most needed. 

One thing that does help me is that I know that I’m working to bring more art into the world at a time when it’s sorely needed. Not only through my job, but every night I sit down in front of my phone and record a nightly update (tonight’s update will be number 58). I started this back when I was sick to let everyone know how I was feeling, and now it’s turned into a nightly ritual where I ground myself, think about what I want to say, and more often than not sing a song that is either related to what’s going on, or one that has been on my mind. You can find them all on Instagram here. If I had to pick one update from April that I felt really summed a lot of them up it’s definitely this one.

Speaking of those updates and singing, one positive update from April is that on April 15th I did a 3 hour live stream on Instagram to raise money for Artist Relief Tree which is an organization that Team AFP has been working with to help get money to artists in need. Through a lot of very generous donations I was able to raise $1,125 for that really wonderful cause.

So, to close out this somewhat lengthy update. . . things are hard, but we’re all trying to keep our heads up, keep making art, and keep loving everyone. And to remind both myself and you. . . when you promise to love everyone, don’t forget to include yourself.

I love you

Michael

{michael....do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. this community will hold you. so will i. love you lots.i am loving your nightly guitar and love offerings. please don't stop. also, let's open a real pub someday. when we can. -afp}

....

from alex:

Heya lovelies,

A short update from me this month. In the last althing I wrote about how my partner, Connor, had come down with covid after working as a paramedic. I wrote about how it wasn't serious, just a mild inconvenience. 

Well, more fool me, because throughout that week he got worse and worse. After a week he got admitted to hospital, and after 4 days in hospital he got admitted to the ICU. But from there he started responding to the treatment they were offering, he managed to kick the covid, and after 12 days in hospital he finally got discharged, and is now recovering at home. THANK ALL OF THE GODS, AND A THOUSAND HOORAYS. 

Here we are, enjoying a socially responsible, non-infectious, distanced walk in the sunshine last week. 

Last month I asked for patience with filling the UK store orders - that patience has to be extended JUST A LITTLE LONGER, as I've had to quarantine myself after being in contact with him. I'm just starting to play catch up with orders now, and hopefully normal service should start to be resumed soon :)

Sending big big love to each and every one of you.

-Alex

xoxo

{alex, i am so so so glad that you guys are okay. hang in there and enjoy the upcoming spring-sprang in the UK. and tell the daily to fuck itself for me. -afp}

......

from jordan:

Hello good people!

Jordan here, Amanda’s manager, checking in from Down Unda. I hope you’re all hanging in there in your various corners of the world and seeing the rays of sunlight through the dustiness of the world. Here at Team AFP, we’ve been working hard at preparing the next onslaught of Patreon-Powered art awesomeness for you. The set up and preparation for the podcast series has been incredibly thorough and our producer Fannie has really been kicking out the jams. I can’t wait to start sharing this series with you all, we’ve been working on this for ages and we’re on the cusp!

I live in Sydney, Australia and we’re slowly seeing things begin to open up restrictions wise… I am seeing kids on the street on their way to school and it’s just fucking wonderful to see some life in the neighbourhood. I know we’re amongst the very few places that are doing this and yet alone doing it in a sane and considered fashion… and I still felt a massive sense of trepidation to drop my kid to his first day back at school today. Is it too early? Are we going to hit a spike or an outbreak and have to endure this all again? Holy shit… I hope not. I can empathise with how it must feel if you are still in complete isolation or if you’re in a town that’s opening up and you feel it is just not ready to yet. I’m sending my love to all of you all collectively as we juggle the craziness and conflicting emotions that this brings. 

Amanda’s asked us all here at Team AFP to share a bit about what we’ve been listening to/consuming/reading/doing, And I LOVE this idea. We’re also going to be hitting you with some recipes and I love this idea as well. I have personally enjoyed Amanda’s breakfast bowl… it’s tasty as hell. I encourage you to cook it. I’ll be sharing my recipe next month, but this month I’ll share music...

In 2015, I worked with the Icelandic artist Ólafur Arnalds to produce a show for him at the Graphic Festival (which I co-curate) held at Sydney Opera House. This one-off show featured specially commissioned visuals by Máni M. Sigfússon and new arrangements by Viktor Orri Árnason which were performed by the Sydney Chamber Orchestra, led by the cellist Guy Curd. It was an amazing show which was recorded and filmed by Sydney Opera House and was released May 8th as part of their Digital Season. Ólafur mixed the music himself and he sure as hell knows what he’s doing – it sounds amazing. If you’re not familiar with Ólafurs work, this is a nice introduction. You can check it out here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcln2AL_L1M&feature=emb_title 

I hope you enjoy.

Until next month… 

Jordan

Here’s a photo of Amanda & Hayley & I at Brian Eno’s Xmas Party!

And here’s Michael and I being all tough with our rainbow mascot as we farewelled each other at the end of Amanda’s Aussie tour. Hayley had already left by then. I can’t wait til we next get to hoist a tankard together. 

{jordan - you're a manager supreme. thank you for everything. a few more months of recovery,,,,we deserve them. and thanks for liking my breakfast. til we nosh again.....- afp}

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OTHER ARTISTS TO SUPPORT:

zoe boekbinder

zoe is an old, old friend of mine, and i may have even shouted out their patreon here before.

zoe used to be in a duo with their sister kim, vermillion lies...and we crossed many highway miles and stages together back in the day.

we were in a fictional band together for a while.

the fictional band was called HAIR MACHINE and we were a force to be reckoned with. you sort of had to be there. (this may be the only known footage of hair machine ever taken). 

zoe's songwriting voice is honest and bold and fierce...and she just completed a new album with this hero of ours, ani difranco.....

photo by krys fox

ani produced this zoe-project of songs written in collaboration with inmates at New Folsom Prison in Folsom, California.

it's as beautiful and intense as it sounds....rolling stone just wrote about their project and shared a song. (i also guest-sing on one track, and i'll share it with you when it's out).

Ani Difranco, Zoë Boekbinder Team Up to Tell Inmates’ Stories in Song 

i can't think of a better voice to support right now. so go do it.

zoe is here:

https://www.patreon.com/zoeboekbinder

....

introducing some other old, old friends of mine:

daredevil chicken club!!!

https://www.patreon.com/daredevilchicken

jonathan and anne are world-traveling cirus/comedian/acrobatic/surreal phsyical performer-duo who i just fucking adore. they are a beautiful force in the world and i've been seeing them on the road for almost twenty years.

here's them doing the act they used to do when opening for the dresden dolls back in boston, ages ago:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvDxgqTzCEA

COVID hit their livelihood and their touring schedule very hard. they'd love the support, and they are a warm hug of hilarity and community. 

i just joined their patreon.

go help them: https://www.patreon.com/daredevilchicken

........

SOME ART BEGETTING ART.....

joni augustine's portrait of ash....

i have no word for the beauty.

.....

mike zug did this lovely piece.....

@zugart

....

and i guess my rumi pose was inspiring because....

@makymutt

Made this for @amandapalmer birthday.
Its called Dandelion field.

....

THIS!!!! yas.

@jeremyhara_art

Drawing on Dollars Amanda Fucking Palmer, Jeremy Hara, 2012, ink & white out on US currency

"Life as it should be: all friends, all art, all music, all love, all the time."

"When you’re an artist, nobody ever tells you or hits you with the magic wand of legitimacy. You have to hit your own head with your own handmade wand. And you feel stupid doing it."

In 2012 I started a project called Drawing on Dollars in which I re-faced currency with great Americans. In 2012 I shared this on fb and a friend asked if they could tweet it. Amanda responded "want" so I sent it to her. Today is her birthday! #happybirthday

i'd like a few of these, please.

....

and @marnyiezk sent this lovely "in my mind" tattoo....

........

may i remind you?

i am exactly the person that i want to be.

i do now know what i would do without all of you, and i'm so, so happy you are here. i would not be able to make it through all of this without your support.

so thank you...i love you all.

x

a

 ------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol.

2. see All the Things i've made so far on patreon: http://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net