a weeping voice message for you, on our 4th anniversary. (Patreon)

(patron-only)

my dear loves.

it's a special day for us.

if you haven't been listening to my voice-rambles, and you never listen to one again, please listen to this one.

four years ago today i was about three months pregnant with ash, and i started my patreon. i didn't know that anthony would die four months later. i didn't know anything back then. 

i just knew i wanted to gather my tribe in one place, for good.

for once and for all. i did it. we are here.

............

i am fucking exhausted. i have almost nothing in me.

i came home late late late friday night from my 7-hour trip to canada - a day that saw me up at 4:45, in cars, airports and planes, and cars for 6 hours, on the ground in canada to do press for 3 hours, and then back in cars, airports, places and cars for another 8 hours.

i woke up saturday and spent 5 hours in bed, reading a book and playing hide-under-the-quilt-and-pretend-we-are-dead with ash. i barely made it to the kitchen to eat.

today i had enough energy to eat breakfast with neil. my parents are here to help take care of ash.

neil and i decided to go to the local movie theater with our neighbor.

the movie was "roma".

i knew nothing about it. i thought i had nothing in me. i had no tears left to cry. 

i was wrong.

.........

i don't have it in my to write it all out.

but i had enough energy and time to come up to the bedroom and record this for you, before i need to get downstairs and help make dinner.

i like that you can hear me cry.

sometimes i need you to hear me cry.

sometimes, on days like today, i feel like this patreon is the intersection of everything.

i will say no more.

please listen.

it's here on soundcloud for those who like it that way (downloadable too):

https://soundcloud.com/amandapalmer/voiceramble-march-3-2019

if you want to READ the ramble (and the entire archive of voice rambles) lovingly transcribed by alex, you can do so right here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/19qKxjXn5tHSDBecgvuy_4a7BnvhA2iG0M_vRpWcPZy0/#heading=h.nhl3quaxjv38 

............

i love you more than i will ever be able to say....in writing, with my voice, or in any other way.

thank you.

thank you.

thank you.

i've been reading your comments about the record. keep them coming.

it's all happening.....

happy fourth anniversary, my beloveds.

we have made it this far, and this just the fucking beginning.

xxxx

AFP

p.s. this morning outside the house. when neil and i came home from "roma" about an hour ago, i said: "are we going to have a fight about who gets to run and hold him safely in our arms first?"

we didn't fight. i ran faster.

p.p.s FUCK YES. art by hannah littke, from germany. it's not too late...i am thinking tour shirt.