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just a note from under some covers (Patreon)

Published:
2017-09-10 03:32:48
Imported:
2023-04

Content

(public post)

hi loves

i've been meaning to post since yesterday about all of my own shit and about my teaching experience and about being back at college and about an exhausting secret film shoot and about how it was national ampersand day yesterday and hey i wrote a song about that once but actually

right now

i don't have it in me and it feels like the world is going to hell in an apocalyptic hand basket and this is about all i have in me from under the covers:

i love you all.

neil and i have some extreme loved ones and friends stuck in florida and cuba right now and the hurricane is ravaging on so i'm reading the news obsessively.

if you're down there, i hope you're safe.

it's a new dawn

it's a new day

mother nature has come, knocking loudly on the door

it's time to get up

just ten more minutes mom

NO

RIGHT FUCKING NOW

dammit

change is a'comin

there's something happening here

i hug you all

be safe

that's all

goodnight.

xxx
a

Files

Comments

Anonymous

Hi I'm really new to Patreon and was searching on here. I write poetry mainly but I write songs and mini plays. What type of music do you perform? I don't perform just writing, my expertise is writing.

Anonymous

Yeah, lately, an end days kind of feeling.

Anonymous

So overwhelmed. And I feel so removed from everything. I keep having anxiety attacks over nothing (like "did I file taxes when I was 18????") and having to learn, each time, how to have self-compassion as though it's my first time.

Anonymous

Life is scary, but you know what? People are amazing and inspiring. Like you. You inspired me to do something. I have seen so, so much suffering lately and every time I try to help it, it overwhelms me, and I see it overwhelming everyone else... and I started to wonder if maybe it is more the overwhelm than the suffering which is the problem. Thank you for pointing me toward "Dropping Ashes on the Buddha." It started a long journey for me years ago, which is now culminating in me getting ordained at my local Zen Center. After months of training, one of the founding masters of the center has offered to take me on as a disciple and help me on my journey to enlightenment. I am going to be a lay nun! I am going to take the four great vows! I am going to save all the people from suffering! (At least, that's the goal.) Thank you so, so very much for all your inspiration: artistic, emotional, and spiritual. I have confidence that we as people will weather all of the storms.

Anonymous

Amanda? The world is a very heavy burden to bear. Too heavy for one person. Please don't try to carry it all by yourself. Leave some of the work for the rest of us. I promise that we will do our best to pick up the job where you left off. A lot of us are very impressed with the work you've done already. I know I personally find it inspiring. This afternoon I made a new friend. And it is because of you, Amanda. You inspired me to go out and make some art in the world--and the world SCREAMED out for my attention and care while I was making it. Honestly, it was more than a little shocking. I have spent most of the last seven years doing little more than mourning the death of my wife, Ginger. I have spent very little of that time noticing how bad the world was getting. For the last seven seven Wedding Anniversaries (We were married on September 10, 2000--a year and a day before You Know What), I have been pretty much unplugged from my life--or generally any other connection with anything related to the Earth outside my house, or my bedroom, or even my bed. The stuff on the other side of the covers hurt too much. But now that I have worked up the courage to venture out; pretty much EVERY FUCKING TIME I have had to save someone who wandered across my path. Each with a need that I possessed the EXACT set of skills, or just the EXACT understanding attitude, that was needed. A few weeks ago, I saw a couple in a car with an engine that conked out in the turn lane of a busy intersection. They got help from another Good Samaritan who pushed their car out of a dangerous, high-traffic location, and before the light could change again. I could not have done that. My health doesn't let me lift more than 5 pounds without a great deal of pain. I mean I CAN--there is just a very heavy price to pay if I do. But sometimes I pay that price, when it is a lower price than what a stranger might have to pay. So... just as the other helpful person drove away, I stopped to see if the couple in the conked out car were okay. That's when the wife discovered that the spare oxygen tank for her breathing assist device was empty. The tank she was currently using had just a handful of minutes left on it. Even if they called a tow truck (or an ambulance) on their cell phone *right* that *second*, it could not have possibly arrived in time for her. And they each discovered that both of their cell phone batteries were dead-- just as I rolled down my car window to ask: "Need any help?" I drove the husband to a nearby gas station, bought him some gas because he had left his wallet at home, and then just *gave* him the gas tank that had been sitting empty in my car trunk for over twenty years. The wife offered me a few bucks to cover some of the gas I had bought, but I turned her down. "The story works better, artistically, if the protagonist is a selfless hero who comes to the rescue!", I told her. "I got to hear and see how much your husband loves you--that's payment enough for me--thanks. Bye!" That sort of thing has been happening to me for MONTHS now. So today I was inspired to dust off my old camera and go make some art. Photography is just the art of letting people see the world though my eyes. It works on much the same principle as songwriting, but with the sense organs front of the head instead of the left and right sides. I was taking pictures of wildflowers on the edge of a city park. I don't know why I picked that particular park--other than it was fairly close, and I will be too low on funds to put more gas in my tank than the 1/4 of a tank I have now. The park is located near my younger brother's house. So I guess I figured that if I got stranded, I could always walk over and ask for help. Then I met David--who was stranded in a way that I have never suffered in my entire life. Once again, the world screamed to me for help in a way that I was uniquely suited to hear. No one else had noticed David's cry for help. Even I didn't notice how much danger he was in at first. David didn't exactly ask me to help him. Not in so many words. But I told David a line from one of my favorite comic book series: "Preacher" by Garth Ennis. When the protagonist was a very small boy, his father told him: "Son, you gotta be a Good Guy. Because there are already way too many of the Bad." We were just talking about comic books, but I will never forget the look on David's face when I repeated that line. Even though there is a lot of bad stuff in the world, Amanda... ...I can't be too wrapped up in all the bad things happening, Amanda. There are Davids right in front of me who need my help--right in the city parks of my fucking home town. I can't help the victims of weather disasters a thousand miles away. But I have much closer victims, right here. David will not bleed again; Not if I can do anything about it. I can do something about it. I will. This fucking stops. goddammit. I gave David my email address. We have plans to meet in the park next Sunday; if he can avoid being forced into going to church. Or we'll met after church, if David's Superpower fails him. I should be done crying and wanting to throw up by then. I have to. David needs me. Everyone who reads this: please find your David. He or she is closer than you could possibly imagine. Some of them have been waiting to be rescued for ten years, now. That's long enough. Make art, while you wait for your David to find you. They will. They are smart. Smarter than a whip.

Anonymous

I TOTALLY know Under the Covers. This shit WILL pass. Yeah, the planet is in deep trouble. We know. People are stuck in the path of a "bigger than we've ever seen" hurricane, and we all feel helpless. I know.

Anonymous

I don't have any really amazing good news right now, but I do know life will go on. I wish you and your loved ones the best.

Anonymous

Thunder only happens when it's rainin' <3 *tucks you in safely*

Anonymous

One person clicked "Like" on my post above about a kid named David. Thank you. David should be in Sixth Grade, but has only been home schooled till Second Grade--apparently an attempt by his father to keep him from having troublesome anti-religious ideas. I found out about David's situation when he biked up to ask me what I was photographing in his park. David hadn't known that cameras bigger than a deck of cards even existed. I can do a lot more good trying to help one kid in my home town than stressing about what I can't do for several million people who have suffered from the recent weather disasters down south. In my previous post, I was trying to encourage Amanda. Emphasizing that there are things she can to to avoid feeling helpless. Things ALL of us can do. But three people Unfriended me because of the "David" post. I guess I didn't write in a small enough chunk of Feelgood. *So sorry* that my shock and dismay over this poor kid bored those Three who unfriended me. I've gone back and shortened the previous post by one-third. Removed most of David's sad and "uninteresting" details. Please convey my apologies to the Apathetic Three for wasting their time. They obviously won't be reading about my apology from this bit here. Boy, do I feel stupid. JUST IMAGINE, trying to encourage AFP fans to be a little more aware of those who don't think they have the right to *ask* for help. David doesn't know that he can expect someone to care about him. Unhappily, I now am aware that there are three people out there who made their feelings exceptionally clear. They don't.

Anonymous
>>7176005

Natycol, you are getting a little more spammy than is really necessary considering all these replies that contain zero content. Thanks for the kisses, but you don't seem to be interested telling me WHY I should be interested in your page. The reason why doesn't seem to tie into the ongoing discussion here on Amanda's page. So why would you think your efforts would make me want to make a financial connection with you, when you don't seem very interested in making a conversational connection with me...or anyone else you have pestered. I get the impression of a little kid craving attention--and not caring if it is good or bad. This is not an effective way to promote yourself--I'm concerned that you are doing yourself more harm than good in the long run. Have you considered contacting a arts orgaization in your home town? They will have people who are experienced in promotiong artists. And they will be delighted to help you get your Patreon Page noticed. A lot of artists haven't made a website that shares who they are and what skills and vision they have to offer--you are way ahead of the game in this respect. But the way you are going, you are turning a positive into a negative. Snatching Defeat from the jaws of Self Promotion. Go out, make art, and make sure your Patreon Page info is prominently featured in your art work. THAT'S how you get people WANTING to see more. This vague Spam stuff isn't going to work and will only drain your Art Tank and depress you. Now go out there and be an unstopable Art Tank. Vroooo-OOOM! ;)

Anonymous

Power out for a few days, pool and screen unusuable (it would be a nice place to cool off, I'm thankful for the luxury but miss it in these hot days!) and when the power came back on, our a/c blew. But we played games, ate snacks, spent time together as a family. Mother nature forced us to unplug for a few days and come together and we did. It is nice today, while catching up on emails and such now that I have my computer back and have to get back to work, to read this. Thank you!

Anonymous

News from under my covers...thank u for the non-monogamy post and the sharing of this part of you and Neil's life. I am braving this discussion with my partner on our "togetherness day" on Thursday. Of course we both love you (and I love Neil, too. A creatures of the Night comic book by he and Micheal Zulu sits beside me on my night stand). After 35 years of marriage, judgements on our so-called affairs, gender changes on her part, sexuality inclusions on mine, it only makes sense to allow your past as "non-mistakes" but manners in self-growth. My opinion but probably not hers...yet. I am pretty sure there will be tears and lots of discussion on Thursday. Hopefully also, some agreements, hugs, and lunch. Nothing needs to happen right away. Marriage should be an opening of honesty and new beginnings anyway. Commitment. Friendship agreement. Us. Growing older together. Love you so much, Amanda and Neil. Signing off from under the Sunday Sheets. ❤️

Anonymous

Forgot to mention I was referring to your *Facebook* post this morning!!