a lack of color (Patreon)

I’m seeing Death Cab for Cutie live tonight for the first time. They are playing Transatlanticism in its entirety for its anniversary tour, and one of my very favorite songs by them is on that album. 

This song has followed me throughout the years. Historically I’ve loved people who are sad, and I am sad. Not all the time but a lot. I’ve had challenging relationships. I’ve had to fight for love. The first verse has always given words to how I feel when I look at those I love the most, and how I wish they could see themselves through my eyes. How I wish I could get inside their brain and make them feel better and tell them it’s okay. And how I imagine they feel about me too. 

In the end this song is one of loss, and acceptance. Of knowing you’ve broken something beyond repair. Still, there is a quiet hope to it. One I held onto for a very long time. 

——————

A Lack of Color — Death Cab for Cutie 
Transatlanticism, 2003 

https://open.spotify.com/track/617GoDMLDCGJSouPbBb1k7?si=zv41he3tR0660hrgnNOIyQ&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A7jwLAtPHF7TW7dtELtayOd

And when I see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better 
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around
Turns you around
If you feel discouraged 
When there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover 
It's really bursting at the seams
From absorbing everything
The spectrum's A to Z

This is fact not fiction 
For the first time in years
All the girls in every girlie magazine 
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone 
To call at 7:03 and on your machine
I slur a plea for you to come home
But I know it's too late
And I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay 
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction 
For the first time in years