betrayal (Patreon)

Betrayed by the only thing I truly have 
My body holds me but it hurts me too 
My truest love and I have a toxic bond 
Together forever but I don’t think we’re happy with each other anymore 

My beloved makes me sick 
Makes me convulse with pain 
Makes me nauseous and dizzy 
Makes me weak at the knees and faint 
Not in the good way 

My darling makes me sad 
Makes me paranoid 
Makes me afraid 
Won’t let me forget all of the pain 
Won’t let me believe that I am truly worthy 

My one and only makes me feel trapped
Limits what I can do 
Keeps me small and caged 
Punishes me when I try to push past the confines 
Controls how much of myself I’m allowed to be 

I have spent years resentful of this love of mine 
And it’s easy to look past my part in this broken trust 
It’s easy to hate her 
It’s easy to point the finger 

They say the grass is green where you water it 
But my neglect has created a drought 
I seem to have ignored that I am her gardener
I seem to have forgotten that I am her keeper 

Has my body betrayed me 
Or have I betrayed it