all i really want (Patreon)

I’m starting out the music posts with an obvious one but it felt fitting.

I realized recently that I think of Jagged Little Pill as a year, with each of the 12 tracks representing and associated with a month. I don’t know why, but in my head I see a year visually, cascading not just down but down diagonally and three dimensionally, almost like stairs, with each month having a different energy and shade. I’ve been listening to this album since I was 4 years old (thank you mom) and have listened to it thousands of times, and somehow it’s taken on that same visual thing inside my head as a year does. I don’t know how or when it happened, but it’s almost as if it’s become as much a part of me as the concept of passing time itself. 

Strangely, All I Really Want is the first track (so January in this conceptualization), it’s my ‘if I were a song’ song out of all the songs out there, and January is the month I was born. January is when the year begins, but it’s also when I began lol. All of this I’ve become fully conscious of in the past week, 29 years into this album being a part of my life. 

I’ll post the entirety of JLP on here eventually, and with all music posts I’ll post the lyrics (my original love of poetry) and a reflection if I have one I want to share. 

——————

All I Really Want — Alanis Morissette 
Jagged Little Pill, 1995 

https://open.spotify.com/track/3CKTKuCbHz97i9vYyiP8gt?si=6IfRKPi4Sw65StyyYFQScA&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A09AwlP99cHfKVNKv4FC8VW

Do I stress you out?
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say, “How appropriate”
I don't wanna dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it

And there I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Ah-ha-aah-ah-ah-ah 

Do I wear you out?
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy

And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the maker
And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature, yeah

And what I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Ah-ha-aah-ah-ah-ah 

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses falling
All around, all around

Why are you so petrified of silence?
Here, can you handle this?
———
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die?
Or did you long for the next distraction?

And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

And all I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
Ah-ha-aah-ah-ah-ah 
And all I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice
Ah-ha-aah-ah-ah-ah 

Cause all I really want, some patience
A way to calm me down
And all I really want is deliverance
And some common ground