first love (Patreon)

I saw a man today on the subway 
Standing in a perfectly turned out first position
I can always spot dancers on the street 
The way they walk
The way their bun is twisted and pinned 
The way they move throughout the world 
I can see myself in them 
Sometimes it’s my biggest regret 
Cracking under the pressure 
Feeling like my body wasn’t right 
Letting myself hold me back 
I didn’t have the best feet 
I wasn’t the skinniest
I wasn’t crazy flexible without working at it 
But I was talented still 
I had a way of moving that was captivating 
I brought an emotive quality 
That training can’t teach 
I was an angry and angsty 17 year old 
I had come to resent this love of mine 
A decade of diehard devotion to this relationship 
And I ended it 
I snapped 
I miss it every day 
And I wonder all the time 
If we could possibly work things out 
If there is a world 
Where we could be together again