First Look at my Animated Intro 🤗 (Patreon)

Hello my dear friends,

I'm so happy to be back to creating content for all of you! These past two weeks have been very much needed, and I feel much more well rested and bubbling with video ideas! Thanks for all your patience and continued support.

Last week just before my cousin Ediya (Ediyasmr) left for Costa Rica, we were able to film two videos! One on her channel and one on mine, and they will both be posted this week. It has been 7 months since our last collaboration and I really missed her! Ontario has been slowly reopening, and it felt safe for us to meet up especially since we and everyone we are in contact with are vaccinated. 

Here is the surprise you were waiting for! Thank you all for making this happen! I was able to hire both an animator Yoni Shalom (http://yonishalom.com) and my musician friend Abbas Gapurov (https://taplink.cc/eccentricwaves) to make a little animation that will be placed at the start of videos! Don't worry, my massage videos will still have the elaborate setting up intros I typically do. I hope you like it, and let me know what you think!

An Update on my Mental Health

For the two months prior to my break, I've had anxiety attacks before filming every video. I felt an overwhelming amount of pressure make every video as perfect as can be. I obsessed over everything: the lighting, sound, camera settings, and content of the video. I tried so hard to isolate noises that were impossible to isolate. I was so afraid of my cameras and mics failing, not recording or producing strange sounds. My views were taking a hit, and instead of realizing that the YouTube algorithm is completely outside of my control, I took it personally and thought it was because my videos were not good enough and tried so hard to make them better all the while exhausting myself. 

I no longer felt excited about filming and instead I was filled with dread. I read positive comments from all of you, and somehow I couldn't really receive them or believe them. That's when I knew I was definitely burning out from YouTube and school.

I've reflected a lot these past two weeks on my inner world all the while sleeping as much as my body needed. My vocal coach encouraged me to look at my first videos and remember why I started doing ASMR in the first place. 

At first, all I used was my wall as a background, my phone as a camera and a Blue Yeti hooked up to my laptop as a microphone. I only did first person role-plays and editing took a few hours. Looking back, I smile at how simple things were and how all I wanted to do was make ASMR that comforted my viewers the same way other ASMRtists like Itsblitzzz have comforted me. 

Looking carefully at the microphones, cameras, lenses, lights and props I have now, I remember that they are not just equipment but the product of love, kindness and encouragement from all of you. When I hold them in my hands, I remember to take a few moments to think of you and send out a prayer that the video may bring joy and comfort to you, and relieve your suffering. It doesn't have to be perfect nor elaborate, but if it helps even one of you sleep at night or ease your anxiety, depression, pain and hurt, then I've achieved my goal. 

I'm receiving a lot of help from my family and friends. I'm realizing how much I cannot do this alone if I want to avoid burnout. My roommate Marika is helping me as a model, setting up and taking down the set, as well as working the cameras, microphones and lights throughout the video. My mom edits all my videos, and I simply need to look them over and make a few additional edits. My older sister does all the subtitling, uploading, emails, and admin work which really lightens my load, and allows me to focus on the creative process and interacting with all of you.

From the bottom of my heart, I'd like to thank you all for standing by me and encouraging me, and if you'll let me, I'd love to continue creating ASMR for you.

Love,

Semide🥥