Chew Time: Squeakcakes (Preview) (Patreon)

The woman’s smile grew, flashing her brilliant, sparking teeth. “Hello! This is Rachel Groves here with another episode of The Transformative Chew!” Her hands slipped onto the box, patting it gently. “My lovely Chewers, we have ourselves something fun today!

“This episode is sponsored by a lovely Patron of mine who just so happens to be a bit of a chef themselves!” Their hands tightened around the box’s edges. “Dun-da-da-daaaaa! I present to you, Squeakcakes!” She lifted the cover.

Suddenly, there was an abrupt cut to a rotating glass tray. On it was a black, and also rather glossy, cupcake. It had no liner, just showing its very soft-looking cake. Its top had a very thick layer of white frosting that curved up. It almost looked like a big glob of toothpaste.

Despite how scrumptious it looked, there was a peculiar feel to it. It had almost a distinct rubbery-ness to it with the way the light shined on it.

“Yes!” Rachel’s voice was heard. “This lovely cupcake is the Squeakcake, developed by a very handsome skunk by the name of Pierre le Puant.”

Another abrupt cut happened, this time to a still image. It was a pinup of a rubber skunk toon wearing gray shorts. The skunk had a playfully seductive look on his face, holding a rose in his maw. He laid romantically on his side, almost beckoning an unseen audience to come close.

Rachel’s narration piped up again. “Pierre is a recent Patron, but, apparently, a long time fan of mine! He appreciates my ability to get the word out about TF food to the mainstream. He says I’m providing the world with a great service and, as such, he wants my help to get his work out there.”

The long-haired host returned, still smiling. “So, yes, this can be considered a sponsored episode, but I think it’s important. This is about supporting a local indie chef. So, for all of those who wanted me to prop up the little guys more, this is for you.”

The camera slowly zoomed in on Rachel as she spoke, pushing her slightly off to the right. Once the shot showed her at chest height only, the pinup of Pierre appeared on the left. She “looked” at it with a playful smile. “Though, he’s really not a “little” guy with that handsome bod, is he?”

Rachel giggled as the scene cut back to normal in an instant. “Now, I’ll be a bit more open here. This episode is something new I’m doing: a Blind Chew! My process is that I usually research the things I eat or drink beforehand, maybe even trying them in advance in some cases. I like to be aware of what I’m getting into after all.

“This time, that’s not the case. You see, I actually met Pierre not too long ago. He lives not too far from my area and wanted to meet with me about this. I’m always happy to meet a fan and helping him out was fine, but I wasn’t too sure about doing this as a surprise.

“But…” The host smiled, looking off to the side. Her expression seemed dreamy, like she wasn’t fully there anymore. “He was just so… convincing and sweet.” She sighed, rubbing her face. “The way he talked, the way he slipped in close and laid his vision before me… the way his big, rubbery tail swayed and wrapped around me…”

Her head began to tilt, her eyelids drooping. She spoke, but her words were low, almost inaudible. A caption popped up, however, reading, “I can still… smell that skunk… smell and want to do whatever he wants…”

Rachel shook her head suddenly and blinked her eyes a few times. She looked forward again as if nothing had happened. “Anywho! He made a great argument and thought it’d be a fun way to shake things up for the show. He’s right, and a Blind Chew definitely has a kind of special ring to it, wouldn’t you agree?”

She looked down and opened the box, revealing a dozen of the Squeakcakes. She reached in and picked one up, holding it so it can be shown fully. “Oooh, it’s soft, just like him!” She poked it with her other hand. “Oh! It squeaks a little too! Heh, very nice!

“Well then, no time like the present, right? Let’ try us a Squeakcake and discover together what it is all about!”

Rachel leaned in and bit into the top of the cupcake. She got a good amount of white frosting smeared across her face in the process, looking more like she just smashed her face into it rather than actually eating it.

Still, the host let out a soft sigh. She subtly seemed to shiver as her face stretched into a big, warm smile. “Mmmm!” She rubbed her cheek. “Oh la la! So delightful! I make a good Squeakcake!”

There was a pause. Rachel stared off into the space, her head tilting to the side. It appeared as if she was lost in thought.

The frosting on her face seemed to quiver itself. It turned glossier and thicker in texture. It began to spread around her lips before it fanned out. Expanding across her jaws and cheeks, the substance turned snow-white and inflated, giving her angular jawline a more adorably round appearance. Even her cheeks seemed to stretch further out for a more toonish look.

Rachel blinked a few times as the white, rubbery-looking frosting stopped its expansion, ending by covering her nose up. She hit the top of her chest, clearing her throat. “I mean, Pierrre makes a good Squeakcake!”