Alternative Pork Gains (Preview) (Patreon)

“It’s freakin’ frustrating is what I’m saying!” Teddy sighed, rubbing his face. “Counting calories, constantly working out every day… it’s such a pain to get into shape!”

The green woman, Cassidy nodded, stroking her chin. “I see, I understand. You wanna cheat the system and do things the easy way to get into shape.”

Teddy frowned. That felt like it hit him straight in the chest. “Well, I wouldn’t really put it that way or any-”

Cassidy grinned. “You got it, cheater! One cheatin’ way to get into shape, coming right up!” The witch dipped below the store counter and started rummaging. Maybe he shouldn’t have come to this place if they were going to be so brutal about his choices.

Before Teddy could really question his decisions that led him to arriving at this magical, hidden storefront, Cassidy popped back up. She placed a large, plastic jar on the counter. “Tada! Fitness Powder! Sprinkle a little of this in your food and drinks and after a while, you’ll be feeling fit and thin… or maybe buff depending on your usage and desire.”

“Wait… it’s that easy?” The jar looked like one of those fitness powder containers he’d seen at the grocery store. This one though had its label removed.

Cassidy chuckled, shaking her head. “If it wasn’t that easy, I wouldn’t be offering it.” She smirked. “It’ll just be expensive~.”

Of course it’s expensive. Nothing this good could be cheap. Teddy frowned, but sighed. After all the trouble to get here and after her brutal assessment of him, he rather just go for it. He hated all of these stupid routines, diets, and tricks he’s been trying forever. He was tired of feeling chubby, even if he didn’t look like it to others.

He pulled out his wallet. “What do I owe ya?”

“One hundred bucks even!” Teddy flinched. Yep, that hurt.

Still, the guy handled over the cash and took the container. He smiled, feeling better already. “So, I just sprinkle this stuff on anything I’m having, and I won’t get any of those extra calories or weight!”

Cassidy frowned as she put the bill in the register. “I wouldn’t say it’s that simple. It’s more complicated from the tests I ran. It’s all in how the powder affects what you consume. From experience, I recommend sticking to healthier foods or at least ones not too heavy on the calories. Otherwise, the results might be-”

Teddy was already leaving. Her words fell on deaf ears. He merely called back, “Thanks lady! I’ll let everybody know about the shop so they can buy stuff too!”

He did hear the witch snort and grumble something. However, he gave it no mind. He had his special solution. It was time to celebrate with a little takeout!