Toon It Up: Trash Burger Preview (Patreon)

“Okie-dokie!” The toon lit up and held out a big, gloved hand, nearly triple the size of her own. “Da name is Rubby Putty, da place’s owner and premiere chef!”

Mei looked at the hand and looked at him. “Listen, I wasn’t expecting… all of this. This isn’t exactly the kind of place I typically visit and review.”

Rubby frowned softly, his ears drooping. “Oh… well, since youse here, why not have a bite anyway? You’re a big foodie-patooie, right?”

He placed a fat, fuzzy arm around her shoulders and led her up to the diner counter. “Have a seat ‘nd I’ll fill you up with sum fine food dat’ll make y’all feel darn gooood~.”

Mei tried to pull away from his grasp, but found it impossible. She was soon pushed up against the counter, a menu laid out in front of the stool she was beside. She gave it a quick glance out of morbid curiosity and, sure enough, her expectations were met.

Burgers, hot dogs, melts… so much greasy, fatty crap here. She didn’t usually mind eating food like that to be fair. However, it was still cuisine that was not up to her usual repertoire to critique.

A grease joint and a toon restaurant. Yes, this was so below everything: her standards, ability, and wants. She felt almost insulted being there.

Okay, let’s just get out of here. Someone else can cover this shlock. Always some idiot wanting to do my job and maybe-

“Sooooo, what would ya like ta start with, doll?” Rubby was behind the counter now, leaning over excitedly, his tail swishing back and forth.

I’m done with this. “My apologies,” Mei lied, “But suddenly, I’m not feeling so well. I’m feeling quite drained from my drive. One of my colleagues will come here and cover your… quaint establishment instead.”

For the first time, Rubby seemed to frown. The air in the room felt stale, all sound deafening. The toon stared. He stared long and hard. Did he… did he see through her?

Then, it was over. He smiled brightly. “Aww shucks, that’s a shame! I hate for ya to leave though without tryin’ one of mah burgers. Ya did come all this way after all!”

“No thank you. I rather be-”

“Nonsense!” He playfully slapped her mitts. “You have a seat right dere ‘nd all be back with sum grub!” Without another word, the red panda strolled onto the kitchen, vanishing from sight.

…I’m out of here. She started to turn.

“ORDER UP!” Rubby hollered, returning almost instantly. The door didn’t even have a chance to fully close before he burst back on through with food.

Mei flinched. He was carrying a very LARGE burger on a plate, but the size wasn’t just the surprise. The burger looked so strange. The bread was brown with a tint of… purple? The patties were deep black, red, and orange. Then smothered between each layer was goop, sauce, and gunk of all kinds, just oozing out.

Hell of a smell too. Mei had no idea what anything was, even when Rubby placed it in front of her and its scent intensified. “Here ya are!” He patted the counter, urging her to take a seat, “Dis right here is da house’s grand special! Introducing the Trash Burger!”

Trash is right from the looks of this…

“Da Trash Burger is da ultimate burger used with the most flavourful of meats and bread. Den it's topped off and coated in many finely aged ingredients! Your mouth ‘nd stomach won’t even know what hit ‘em!”