Gotta Ketchum All (Patreon)

Somewhere in Celadon City, deep within the bowels of Team Rocket's secret hideout, Meowth engineers yet another scheme to abscond with Pikachu. Every single plan before this has failed spectacularly, often sending the bungling trio flying into low earth orbit. Years...nay, decades of humiliating defeat.

Sitting atop a stool in front of a huge drafting table, Meowth scribbles on a piece of paper, his brow furrowed in concentration. This time, however, he thinks he's got it. No mechas, no complicated schemes, no flying cat-shaped balloons. Just good old-fashioned Sexpionage.

Meowth: I'VE GOT IT!

James and Jessie, snoozing on a nearby couch, are jolted awake.

James: Huh, whu...?

Jessie: Jesus! What now, cat breath?

Meowth: It's... It's so simple. It's so diabolical.

James: Wuz...? What's he going on about?

Jessie: I dunno. Maybe he's got a hairball or something.

Meowth: It's foolproof!

Meowth jumps down from his perch and begins to pace back in forth in front of his groggy teammates.

Meowth: We've been going about this all wrong. For years we've been trying to go at them head-on, only to be thwarted by... By a fucking teenager! But that's just it... He's a teenager.

Jessie: (annoyed, rolls her eyes) And? So?

Meowth: Alright. Have you ever noticed how Ash is always hanging out with what's-her-face...the hot, little chick with the pigtails?

James: Misty. And, uhhh... He's actually, like, twenty-something now.

Jessie: Whatever! Get to the point, fur-ball.

Meowth: The short-shorts, ass half-hanging out of them all the time. The crop tops, boobs literally spilling outta the bottom. The constant flirting.

Jessie: And...?

Meowth: And...that's just it. All of those raging hormones. All of THAT, right in his face, all of the time, and... Nothing. No interest whatsoever. Annnnnd he's got, like, at least a dozen other girls who've got a crush on him, and... Still nothing.

Jessie: Alright. Congratulations. You've figured out that he's probably gay. What's your point?

Meowth: Patience. I'm getting to that. And then there's his mother... She's young, lives alone, her husband's not around, and no other apparent men in her life. She's essentially a spinster.

James: Young? She's practically forty now.

Jessie: Noted, captain obvious. Can we pleeeease get to the...?

Meowth: Ok, ok... She's young-ish. That tiny, little backwater town she lives in doesn't exactly give her many options in the lovemaking department. Men...ooorrr women for that matter.

Jessie: Soooo, in all probability, he's gay and she's... What? Bi-curious...  Maybe? What's that got to do with us?

Meowth stops pacing, standing in from of the pair. Eyeing them both with a cunning smirk, he points at his teammates with twin 'gun finger' gestures.

Meowth: That...is our way in.

Jessie and James simply stare at the feline, baffled expressions on both of their faces. Blinking, they turn to look at one another, not quite grasping where Meowth is going with this. The cat sighs in exasperation, rolling his eyes at his seemingly dimwitted colleagues.

Meowth: James (points at him) goes after Ash. Jessie (points at her) goes after Delia.

As if watching light bulbs turn on in both of their heads, Jessie and James' eyes widen, both physically leaning back in shocked acknowledgment.

Meowth: Ahhh. Now they get it!

James: Woah, whoa, whooaaa! I'm not...! Uh-uhhh!  No way!  Wh-why do I gotta seduce the gay kid?! How come SHE gets the MILF?!

Meowth: Yeeeaaah, let's face it, Jessilina. You're not exactly the bastion of male masculinity.

James: WH-WH-WHAT!?!

Jessie: Ohhh, I am totally gonna get hottie-mom to go down on me.

Meowth: That's the spirit!

Original Art by Hobb

Colors and Edits by Phillipthe2