Peg-O-My-Heart - 4K (Patreon)

Update: Add a version without the sign.

With the real estate market back in full swing Peg sets aside moonlighting at "Spoon Time" gentleman's club in favor of her normal, full time profession.  Having a bunch of horny frat boys and bikers ogle her while she took her clothes off was much more lucrative, but at least she's getting home at a decent hour now.  Sure, she was getting laid every night...sometimes multiple times per night...but performing all of her motherly duties and then burning the midnight oil was really starting to wear her down.

Aside from that, Pete was beginning to get a little suspicious.  Constantly telling him that her real estate clients are in Europe and could only be teleconferenced in the middle of the night is one thing, but coming home in the wee hours of the morning stinking of sex and cheap men's cologne was a little hard to explain away.

Real Estate has always will be a dog-eat-dog business and you've really gotta go the extra mile to get a sale.  She's tried everything...fancy business cards, snazzy mail fliers, her face on giant billboards, and even a thirty second commercial spot during the evening news.  What she needs is a gimmick...something to bring in the customers and really wow them.

Peg's first open house hasn't gone well.  One o'clock in the afternoon finds Peg roaming around the house she's trying to sell, fluffing pillows and rearranging flower vases, growing more and more aggravated with every passing minute.  In the four hours she's been there only two people have stopped by...and she wasn't really interested in what the pair of bicycle-riding Jehovah’s Witnesses had to say.

Peg: (thinking) Jesus, Peg.  What the hell are you doing wrong?  You use to be so good at this.  (audibly sighs) Maybe I should've stuck to stripping.

With that one simple thought, it's as if a light bulb appeared over her head.  Grabbing an extra 'for sale' sign and a felt-tip marker, she flips the sign over onto its blank side and scribbles a message.  Holding it up at arms length, a devious smile appears on her face.

Peg: (thinking) That oughta do it.

No sooner has she returned to the house, having walked out into the yard and affixed the makeshift sign below her 'open house' sign, Peg hears the sound of squealing tires coming to a halt.  Moments later the front door opens and in walks a young couple, looking around quizzically.  Her first customers.

Peg: Hi.  Make yourselves at home.  Have a look around and if you have any questions, please, don't hesitate to ask.

The couple, good looking kids, probably fresh out of college and looking to buy their first home, simply stare at one another, not knowing what to say.  The woman, a tall, slender blonde...maybe twenty-five if Peg had to guess...stares at her husband, tilting her head to one side repeatedly, gesturing towards Peg as if trying to get him to say something.

Young Woman: C'mon.  Ask her.

Young Man: Uhhhh...  Umm...  Is that...  Is that sign, like, for real?

Certainly no stranger to taking her clothes off in front of complete strangers, Peg puts on her best 'bedroom eyes', smiles and begins to unbutton her suit coat.

Peg: Why, certainly.  Lets walk and talk, shall we?

Tossing her coat onto a nearby love seat, Peg starts to unbutton her blouse, pointing out the homes features as she does so.  Entering the kitchen, she turns to the would-be home buyers, her black lace bra peeking out as she undoes the last couple of buttons.

Peg: You know, this house has all of the latest amenities.  A modern kitchen, all new electric appliances, a walk-in pantry, and...  Ohh, silly me.  I forgot to mention...  If you feel uncomfortable, we can stop at any time.

The young couple simple stare at her, shaking their heads, staring on as Peg flings her blouse onto the kitchen island.  Reaching behind her back with one hand, the other holding her bra cups in place, she unclasps the undergarment.

Peg: Ohh...and please, feel free to join in.  That sign doesn't mean 'just me'.

Blinking, wide-eyed, the couple look at one another and then back to Peg...their befuddled expressions changing to ones of amused excitement.

Peg: So, would you two care to see the master bedroom?

On his way back to work after a late lunch, Pete takes a quick detour.  Unlike Peg's venture, business at the dealership has been a little slow today.  He doesn't have any real interest in home sales, but he's got plenty of time to kill.  Wanting to see how his wife's open house is going is as good of an excuse as any to shirk work.

Singing along as Jimmy Buffet explains how he prefers his hamburgers to be prepared, Pete suddenly jams on the brake pedal, his car coming to a lurching stop.  Staring out the drivers side window, his brow furrowed in anger, he reads the yard sign out loud.

Pete: "Open House. Clothing optional."  You gotta be shittin' me?

Original Art by Chancero

Colors and Edits by Phillipthe2