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Content warning for depression, suicide (not mine!), anxiety, etc.

Edward talks openly about having dropped into a heavy depression in the past few days, including his reaction to the news about Ronnie Edwards' suicide (Ronnie was an editor at Game Theory when Edward ran the editing team)

EDIT: Edward here - just so you guys know, I've been depressed before, so this isn't a dangerous or unfamiliar experience. Just frustrating while you try to get the energy to help get the fog to lift, and it's easy to feel like a burden on people.  But as I was saying to a friend the other day: when you can't walk, don't limp along forever bc you don't want to be a burden. Lean on your friends and family so you can heal "faster*, and so you'll be strong when they need you (and they will).

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Depression (content warning in the description)

Content warning for depression, suicide (not mine!), anxiety, etc. Edward talks openly about having dropped into a heavy depression in the past few days, including his reaction to the news about Ronnie Edwards' suicide (Ronnie was an editor at Game Theory when Edward ran the editing team) EDIT: Edward here - just so you guys know, I've been depressed before, so this isn't a dangerous or unfamiliar experience. Just frustrating while you try to get the energy to help get the fog to lift, and it's easy to feel like a burden on people. But as I was saying to a friend the other day: when you can't walk, don't limp along forever bc you don't want to be a burden. Lean on your friends and family so you can heal "faster*, and so you'll be strong when they need you (and they will).

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Anonymous

As a suicide attempt survivor I want to stress how right Edward is here. I would likely not have attempted suicide had I not let myself become isolated from friends and loved ones. There's another side of that coin though. And it bares mentioning as a warning if you are in a situation like mine. Not all so-called friends and loved ones are equal. And unfortunately, it's the good ones we more often drive away. At the hight of my depression the only person I had for support was a wife who told me years earlier I was being selfish by burdening her with my emotional whining. She said she couldn't be a mother to both me AND our daughter and so, for our daughter's sake, I was to suck it up and not burden her with my problems again. Ironically, it was the fact that she kicked me out after attempting suicide (because it was selfish of me to do so🤨🤯) that ultimately saved my life. Having nowhere to go, I was forced to ask a long lost friend for shelter and help. In spite of not having spoken in years, without hesitation he took me in. It took a year or so, but simply being removed from the toxic environment I had been in for so long eventually allowed me to see that what had seemed so obvious and indisputably true before (that I was the reason my wife and daughter were suffering and therefore, if I really loved them, I should kill myself so they can move on) was really an illusion. Had I turned to my friend earlier instead of isolating myself out of guilt and shame WE may have together been able to challenge the monster of depression that I was too afraid and too damaged to face alone. I let someone who claimed to love me convince me that I was being selfish and uncaring by asking her for help and support. I now know that someone who loves you will NEVER say those words. There's an irony in love. The more we love someone the more we don't want to cause them worry and sadness. Often, because they're so important to us, we're terrified they may think less of us. So we hide our tears and try to be good friends and lovers by supporting THEM and not burdening them with our emotional baggage. But if we find out that one of them was suffering and didn't come to us for help, we're crushed. We feel like we failed them even though we never had a choice. Ironic huh? My point is, like Edward says, cherish the people who love you. They love you for a reason. Don't isolate yourself from them. Especially if it's to please someone else. If you're suffering, go to them. Cry to them. You have nothing to be ashamed of, unless being human is shameful. If you think you're sparing them, you're not. It will be a lot more painful to them to find out you were suffering alone. They love you for a reason. Whether you think it's deserved or not is not for you to decide. Ask any parent of an ADHD ODD child 🤬💔😢😩❤️🤟 Sorry. Just trying to end on a lighter note 😳🤐¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Love to you all. Especially you Edward. And to you Jessica for being there for Edward and for us all. WW

Anonymous

*hugs* Glad you did one of your small things, and so sorry another brilliant person lost the fight :( I have had depression with some suicidal thoughts, but usually very heavily hormone dependent. Self-care was never an issue. Doing SOMETHING was never an issue. It was...not crying. Not retreating from everyone and everything. I'm glad you and Jessica have each other, and that the meds kick in soon and begin to help again. Thank you for being open, and being here <3

Anonymous

^^^Not in ANY WAY supporting/justifying what your wife did, btw. It wasn't about that. It was just...fuck depression :P Seriously.

Anonymous

Blessings.....You are not alone. It is so overwhelming. Yes I can get that way too. Eating and sleeping too much is definitely my spiral down. Thank you for the reminder of one small thing. I do not want to get ready for a 12 hour shift tomorrow . Wednesday it turned into a 16 hour shift. I feel like saying $%^& it and not going. I really do. I was coming out of a daily nap and then 16 hours. I did not stop, and then I had to chart everything.