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Day 58 - Edward Gets Real (Patreon)

Published:
2018-03-02 10:12:36
Imported:
2023-02

Content

Edward here. Some days you don't have any clever things left to say. Some days it's one in the morning, and you are almost done with a very late episode, but not quite, and then you turn on the camera. It can be a bit wobbly - Jess said it made her a little nauseous (but she did cry watching it), so if you are susceptible to the "camera shake flu," you can totally just listen. No pretty visuals, other than my GORGEOUS FACE. Big hugs everybody, here's to doing it again tomorrow. - E

Files

Day 58 - Edward Gets Real

Edward here. Some days you don't have any clever things left to say. Some days it's one in the morning, and you are almost done with a very late episode, but not quite, and then you turn on the camera. It can be a bit wobbly - Jess said it made her a little nauseous (but she did cry watching it), so if you are susceptible to the "camera shake flu," you can totally just listen. No pretty visuals, other than my GORGEOUS FACE. Big hugs everybody, here's to doing it again tomorrow. - E

Comments

Anonymous

Edward, I am so, so, SO proud of you. Sometimes, it has to get worse before it gets better because recovery is not linear. I have to remind myself that recovery is not linear, FREQUENTLY. And that's okay, and I'm so proud that you took that one, seemingly little, but monumentally huge step, to just tell yourself to put it down and step away for a bit. Be proud of yourself for that. Share it with Jessica and CELEBRATE that.

Anonymous

I feel you on how sometimes having the diagnosis has made things a little...harder. Part of that was expecting miracles after diagnosis, and ESPECIALLY after going on medication. Instead I had a whole host of other issues...issues that I usually have when I'm 'awake' instead of my normal inattentive self, like impatience, irritability, hyperfocusing, even WORSE time management and still having a lack of focus. Then I sat back (ok, and talked to people on the Discord) and realized that if people who had ADHD were 'fixed' by all the methods we're learning here, and by medication...there would be no need for your channel. And as Hayden says, the videos are helpful, but these vlogs are AMAZING for helping me be kinder to myself, and my process. We're all great at giving advice. We all KNOW what to do. But if we could do it perfectly, every time...well, then we wouldn't be Brains. Sorry this has been a 'learning' month...and that the past year has also involved some lessons, some letting go, some backsliding as you learn more about yourself. But if this is you being TRUE to yourself, then I think you're doing amazingly. And please get some sleep :P

Anonymous

This resonated with me so much. In particular two things: "Getting mentally healthier makes things harder", and "[with work] I've started like I was 15 again". A few weeks ago I was speaking to my coach about struggling with a core part of my job and she said, "But you know how to do that, right, you've been doing it for 20 years", and I had to reply, "No, that's exactly the problem. I only know how to do it badly. I don't know how to do it well." I've even started buying the textbooks that I should have read in college! So it was a real help to know that this problem is 'normal'. Thank you!!

Anonymous

Oh goodness that was your timer! I started looking for one going off around me.

How to ADHD

Edward showed me this to make sure it was okay before posting it and I was so SO proud of him for sharing. It’s definitely been a part of our journey, figuring out how to work in healthy ways. Can he push through all day and night to finish an episode? Yes. He’s a badass, I’ve seen him do it many times. Shifting to a healthier way of working is really hard for lots of ADHDers. Anxiety/deadline-driven hyperfocus is often all we know. It can be incredibly hard to find another “starting gun.” Other ways to keep our brains engaged. Yes, even with medication. It really does get worse before it gets better sometimes. The good news is, it’s a hell of a lot more sustainable.

How to ADHD

Also, it was really nice to get those hugs :)

Anonymous

I'm finding out the hard way as well, that medication alone are not a cure, that my built up coping skills I developed over 38 years (also working to 4am and not sleeping) were unhealthy, and some days it really is one step forward and two steps back. But you keep taking the steps forward and hope for the best. Hugs to you both.

Anonymous

42 - diagnosed 4 months ago. I had no idea and like you had developed all kinds of coping mechanisms. All the projects I've worked on have resulted in all-nighters in the days leading up to the deadline because I just couldn't get the work done. I'm currently working towards a body-clock based routine, but sleep is my biggest problem.

Anonymous

Thanks so much for sharing this. Definitely needed to hear this. I, too, being diagnosed late just about everything you said resonated with me. It does seem at times doing what's better/healthier is harder. It's like navigating a 4th dimensional maze at time (Not entirely sure what that looks like but I think that's the point i'm trying to make). Here's to our best, cheers!

Anonymous

Ironically, I'm weeks behind on watching these vlogs, and watching this couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you Edward, for sharing. As many have commented, I too am right now in the middle of going through exactly this struggle. I feel like I will need to re-watch this on a weekly basis to help motivate me. I've been very successful professionally over the past 20 years of my career, but those old methods aren't working for me now. And they didn't work for my personal relationships (partly which eventually led me to a diagnosis, and treatment). If possible, I'd love to see an episode or vlog talking about how to approach changing/building new coping mechanisms.