Waifu Wonderland CH23 (Patreon)

Grease sizzled around a venison steak, crackling and popping as the meat browned the way certain waifus liked it. Seared was the stage. I had to be wary; many thieves were waiting just beyond the trees. To prove the value of cooked venison, I had to look no further than the empty wooden bowl beside me. They had emptied it from my lack of attention. I failed to keep lunch safe, but by the demon goddess waifus, it wouldn’t happen a second time. The pepper-wrapped haunch of deer only had a few cuts left, and there were dragons, goblins, and giant frogs on the prowl. One mistake, and there wouldn’t be any left for me. I needed the extra protein for something special later.

“I found more spices,” Arturia yelled as she passed through the clearing with two rolled bushels of bay and a basket full of Jupiter berries on her back. The small white and orange berries looked to be in season by the little red dots on their sides. “Oh, and don’t forget to fuck the quartet.”

Arturia's words knocked me out of my observation. “Thank you for reminding me.”

My eyes fell to the measly cuts left of the deer. “I don’t think we have enough,” I said.

The wailing of a monster scared the nearby birds away as Alice dragged a massive beast into the clearing. “So, that was why she hadn’t stolen any meat for a while.” Helen and Lily followed behind her with two smaller monster deer struggling to break free. I could sense the wood qi wafting off of them and couldn’t wait to test out my passive skill anti plant.

Helen totted her Mud brand double barrel pump shotgun happily. At the same time, Lily hoped along with the hooves of a newborn fawn struggling between her lips. I realized then that I could have cooked without worrying about my food being stolen. A lot of them hadn’t gone out of my sensory range, and with Alice, with them, I wasn’t afraid of anything happening. Even rank 2 monsters had a reason to fear Alice.

“We felt bad about pranking you, so we trapped buck and followed its trail back to its family. Oh, and don’t forget to fuck the quartet.” Alice said, mimicking Arturia’s earlier reminder.

I pulled my bleeding knife from my sheathe and approached the big buck with glowing blue eyes. Patches of grass transformed into thorned vines blasted out of the ground and shot at my ankles until I stomped with geomancy. Then, before they could do any damage or embarrass me in front of my waifus, the thorned vines fell limp like dead snakes. While I couldn’t make stone spikes appear, I could harden the ground enough to crush plants. Add anti plant, and it became a devastating power against wood attribute monsters.

When I grabbed its horn, the buck tried to flail, but Alice held it steady. Lily hopped over to the buck and opened her mouth, revealing the face of the struggling fawn. It looked up with hopeful eyes before Lily swallowed, dragging it down her gullet. The front hooves flailed before another swallow dragged them down. I rolled my eyes at her antics before slashing the buck’s throat. It bled out quickly before collapsing. Then I walked behind it and stabbed holes behind the tendons just under the shank. Then I put a stick between them tied off with rope before hoisting it in the air for the blood to drain. We had a designated cleaning tree for that purpose. I moved quickly and did the same to the young buck, and doe Helen brought with her.

“Wow, that was the most monstrous thing I’ve ever seen,” Matt said, coming out of the house with Sandy behind him. He looked good, if a bit thin from two days of constant bed rest.

“Are you saying you don’t want any?” I said before taking some cut rump off the stone grill and handing it to him.

For the first time that morning, I took a bite of a steak. The meat was nice and juicy with a hint of pepper, but it might as well be bug meat compared to the monster deer we were about to cook. On the other hand, they might have been months away from developing into rank 1 monsters with full sapience.

“Lily showed the buck that its fawn still lived before she swallowed it whole and alive,” Matt said.

“Ribbit, not alive now.” I tried to ignore the bone-crunching sounds coming from her stomach. “Ribbit, don’t forget to fuck the quartet.” Lily reminded me.

I rubbed her hair in thanks while finishing my steak.

“So, how are you feeling?” I asked as I went to work on the buck, slicing off its genitals and letting them fall in the ditch.

“How are you good at that?” Matt asked as I quickly took the deer apart. The pelt didn’t want to stay cut with all the wood. I had to pull the pelt in different directions, or it would seal back up. I made a few more cuts and let its guts fall into the ditch.

“I practiced a few days with a manual and lots of mouths to feed. But that isn’t important. Is your line better?” I asked.

Sandy growled, but Matt put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. “What happened? We should still have a few days before we get going?” I glanced in the direction where we dumped the bodies of the Jehovah Syndicate.

“We had visitors who worked for a powerful tamer. They wanted Alice and weren’t going to take no for an answer, so I killed them and left them out in the open a few miles away. Before, I was going to leave them in the waste ditch but thought better of it. So instead, I took them near where Professor Cacao’s waifu destroyed the griffon storm. If they believed Professor Cacao killed them, then all the better for us. But I didn’t want to wait here long enough to become suspect. So when we left, I planned to burn our home to the ground.

Matt looked a little green. “Where did you take them? If you treated their bodies well, we might be able to get out of any trouble by paying a fine.”

“The glass floor with the rest of the bodies was the safest place I could think of. They looked burned enough after I tossed them on a bonfire to match the other corpses.”

“If Professor Cacao knew you tried to implement him and cause trouble for his clan, he’d erase us both. What rank is the tamer who runs their group?” Matt asked.

“She’s ranked 4,” I said, using my meta knowledge to my advantage.

“She, they must have belonged to the Jehovah Syndicate. That’s alright then. No one likes them, and if she tried to cause trouble for the Professor, he would happily obliterate her. Even if a rank 9 killing a lower rank is considered in poor taste, if it's her, no one would care. So implementing the Professor was the right thing to do. The Jehovah Syndicate are a crazy bunch who won’t take money for killing their members.” Matt said.

“They are crazy because they don’t take money,” I asked.

“No, they’re crazy because they call it a donation, and that’s dishonest. Messing around with people who change definitions like simps change underpants is asking for trouble.”

I cut a big piece from the buck and dipped it in crushed Jupiter berries. “So why are you going to Carthage if it's not to take advantage of the credit exchange rate?” I asked.

The question bugged me since we met. What did he know that I didn’t? Matt gave me a cool look before checking the time.

“The exchange rate happened because one of their mining companies went under. They had a hard drop in commodity production, and two legendaries attacked each other near their shipping yard. No new money is coming in yet because of how bad their situation looks. The sect master doesn’t give a damn about Carthage’s economy or if people starve on the streets.” Matt said.

“And you do?” I asked.

“Hell yea, those people are a valuable commodity on their own. They are experienced miners who are out of work. I plan to push my fortune far and buy one of their dying companies before the shipyard gets repaired. That will happen before the months out because I know a guy on the inside. He tipped me off; it will be repaired soon.”

“What if this tip doesn’t work out? You could be out on your ass and in debt with a worthless factory in your lap. This is a lot of risk for no guarantee of a reward.” I said as I added a steak to the grill.

“That’s why we can be friends; you aren’t a rival even if you are a peer as a tamer.” That pissed me off, and I seriously thought about hitting him. Except Matt smiled genuinely. No one liked being called ignorant and indecisive.

“What if I don’t like taking risks with what little money I have?”

“You take risks all on your own. So why do you have fuck the quartet carved into the dining room table?”

“Thank you for reminding me. Lily, go and set the table.” I turned back to Matt. “Helen carved some beautiful plates we should use before leaving.”

“I wasn’t talking about cutlery for the table,” Matt said.

Matt was a little high-strung, and I hoped it wasn’t the opioids in his system. Hopefully, he didn’t snort or inject them instead of taking the recommended dosage. I could do without him getting addicted to drugs. But, unfortunately, that happened to be one of the ways many tamers went out. Addiction was no joke; I didn’t need my friend to become a slave to drugs. So I pulled the latest steak off, ripped it in two, and gave half to Matt.

He looked at the steak, a little perturbed by the Jupiter berries covering it. The qi richness might have also influenced his trepidation about eating it. Nevertheless, this was an important step if he wanted to move forward as a tamer. Eating monsters held some risks and numerous rewards. All a tamer needed was a powerful will to conquer the animal they consumed.

I took a bite and enjoyed the sweetness of the Jupiter berries added to the richness of the steak. When I swallowed it down, I felt good. The monster meat had no effect on my line; it stood strong. Matt took a pill out of his pocket and took it. He might still feel a little pain where the holes in his line had been. But, with enough time, he should be alright.

“I’m going to tame four centaurifu prodigies, each a unique variant one after the other. Then I’m going to tame all of my waifus before going to bed.”

“The quartet apparently needs to be fucked.” Helen said.

“No, they don’t; we still have time. Take them one a night; you're suggesting madness; your line won’t hold up.” Matt said.

“That’s the difference between us. Our risk tolerance and values are different. That’s why we are friends.” I said, throwing his words back in his face. Maybe I was a little sore from his earlier comment.

“It will kill you,” Matt said.

“Let me handle the cooking so you can fuck the quartet. I know you want to try them out, partner.” Alice said before turning her attention to Matt. Sandy stood in front of him as Alice flashed her teeth. “Don’t insult my partner by comparing him to your own limitations. He chose me, survived me, and stayed with me. Insult him at your own peril.”

Matt tried to step forward, but Sandy blocked him. “I don’t mean any insults; every tamer has their limit, and if Zoran keeps looking for his, he’ll find it,” Matt said as I turned to make my way back to the house. There were four centaurifu to tame.

I could only move forward to tame my libido and acquire the skills I needed to succeed. The four I found were originally destined for Qliphoth members. They were pseudo legendaries that could rival some of the strongest waifus. While they weren’t black or white, they were unique variations of centaurifu with special anti-skills, among other unique skills. Having them together would give me access to a very devastating move pool.