Wednesday Knights -32- Bwahaha! by Melanie E. (Patreon)

"Bwahahaha!"

The fire giantess slapped her knee as she laughed, the gust of wind produced by the impact upsetting the tripod, suspending our kettle over the campfire. Adrian rushed to set it back up while our unexpected guest continued to cackle in glee.

"Yae think a little gaggle o' bairns like ye'self can jus' wend yer way up the canyon, in the gates, and 'ave a wee chat wit tha Chief?" She chuckled some more. "Whoa me, ah ain't heard a line tha' rich in ages."

"Well, what do you propose we do then?" I huffed, more than a bit annoyed that our "guest" had managed to eat over a week's worth of our rations in one sitting and drank an entire barrel of Sunny's ale.

"Taern back," the fire giantess said, leaning back against the cliff wall. "An' ferget yae ever came this way."

"We can't do that," Adrian said, tossing a few more bits of wood on the fire. "We promised the people of the town we would open the pass, and we shall do so."

"Ye'll get yerselves dead."

I shuddered a bit at the cold certainty in her voice. I'd been dead before: I didn't want to experience it again.

"We just want to talk to him," Burg said.

"Yeah. I'll only slice off some unnecessary bits."

"Sunny!"

"...Just a toe?"

Burg rolled his eyes.

"Ye'll never make it past the gate gairds, an' the wall defenses," Mato -- our giantess companion -- said, picking her teeth with a short sword she'd drawn from one of her pockets.

"Are there no other ways in?" John asked, drawing one of his daggers back and forth across a whetstone. I knew that before we headed out in the morning, the shiny edge would be coated in ash to disguise its glint. "Old trade passages, or waterways?"

"Nae that I can recall," Mato said, then stopped picking her teeth and looked off into the distance. "Well, wai' a minit."

"What?" John asked, as we all perked up.

#

"Roll me a Charm check."

"Fuck," Jonah said, stepping back to the table and grabbing his dice. Unsurprisingly, charm was not one of his character's strong suits.

"Can I assist him?" I asked.

Maria thought for a moment. "How would Lunea go about helping him with the check?"

"Hmmm. I walk over behind John, place a hand on his shoulder, and I cast--"

"--I don't think I need--"

"--Boon of Charm."

I smiled. Boon of Charm would give him a second roll if his first one went badly on the Charm check.

"I resist," Jonah said, giving me an annoyed look.

Maria rolled her eyes. "You resist a buff?"

"I don't want it. I can--"

"Fine. Roll me a Mental Resist check."

"Whatever, it-- fuck!"

"You get the charm buff anyway!" Maria said, grinning. "Now roll me that charm check."

Jonah grumbled but grabbed a second twenty-sided die and rolled both together. The first die -- his normal go-to one -- rolled a one, a critical failure that could have meant Bad Things for our party: fire giants weren't known for taking slights with any kind of aplomb.

The second die rolled a fourteen.

"Fourteen, plus?"

"One," Jonah admitted, glaring at me again.

"That just passes," Maria said.

The crowd cheered, and Aaron walked over and slapped me on the shoulder.

#

We gathered close around the patch of earth, crowding in to see the details in the flickers of firelight that could make it between our bodies.

"So that's the plan then," John said. "We go in through the water inlet. Lunea casts Bubble Head on everyone, and that should give us up to half an hour before we have to re-surface."

I nodded but couldn't shake my nervousness. "Just remember, if any of you have to surface before we're inside, the Bubble Head spell on you will pop. Once it's on us, we're under there until we're out."

Everyone assured me they understood, which helped me feel a little bit better. I'd never had to use my Bubble Head spell for anything more than a bit of fun swimming in the lake back home; I hoped it would prove reliable enough for such a high-stakes situation.

"'Magine tha', a buncha lil' bairns figurin' out a ways inta the keep!" Our fire giant compatriot crowed, looking surprised. "I s'pose they'll have ta figger out how ta fix this after yer done!"

"Yeah, well. With any luck we'll be leaving by the front gate, assuming our full charm offensive can keep us off the end of the king's spear."

"That it might, that it might," Mato agreed, tapping the side of her nose. "He respects ingenuity an' creativity, though I s'pect the vizier may not."

'Yeah, well, we'll burn that bridge when we come to it," Burg said.

"We're fire giants. Ye'll burn a lot earlier'n that," Mato reminded him, though she was still grinning when she did.

#

I waited for the curtain to close before I let my shoulders slump, a small whine escaping as I slid down to the floor, careful as possible to avoid messing up my gown while also trying not to put too much on display.

The latter was easier said than done.

My fears about the gown had been well-founded, and only compounded when I'd found out that the "special" feature Aunt Cici had brought along for me was a silicone rubber baby bump that matched my own skin almost to a T. This one covered my chest as well, and she'd blended it at my neck with some makeup.

On the plus side, the way it was designed meant no bra necessary.

On the downside, it was designed that way because, with the gown, I couldn't wear one anyway.

Glancing down, I adjusted the neckline again to try and cover up a bit more skin, but as had been the case throughout the rest of the day, my efforts were stymied by the double-sided tape Aunt Cici had used to prevent wardrobe malfunctions in the first place.

"Good thing the curtain's closed, or some of the guys in the audience might be getting Ideas," Brian said, dropping his weapons and easing down onto the floor next to me.

I blushed and let go of the material. "Yeah, well. They probably had ideas anyway."

"I know I do," Brian said, waggling his eyebrows and bumping me with his shoulder, making me blush even more. "So, can I kiss you in front of everyone, or?"

"I... I guess so," I admitted, feeling a tingle run through me as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.

"Or."

"Or?" I asked, our faces only an inch or so apart.

"Would you rather kiss me?" He asked, looking deep into my eyes. I could tell from the crinkle at the corners of his own that he was grinning, probably in a smarmy way too.

What kind of question was that anyway?

I leaned forward and closed the distance between us, hoping that by kissing him I could knock the smarm off his face.

Not that I could tell if it worked.

Not that I really cared, either, as I lost myself in the kiss.

It felt like far too early when we pulled apart, but judging by my own breathing -- and the flush on Brian's face -- I didn't think we could have gone much further before one of us passed out.

Then the clapping started.

"At last!" Sydney crowed, dancing about and whooping. "I knew y'all were together!"

I almost said something, but once again I felt Brian squeeze me gently. I turned to look at him again, and he stole one more quick kiss.

With a sigh I gave up and leaned against his shoulder.

"So, when's the real baby due?"

"Syd!"

"What? You can't tell me the two of you haven't--"

"SYD!"

Sydney winced as Maria's voice cut through her whining. "Eep! Ah, yeah, not my business, sorry."

I could feel Brian chuckling, but kept my own lips in a tight grimace, despite my own desire to laugh.

The grimace turned more real when I felt someone bump into us from behind before stumbling around in front of us, cursing.

"You two makin' out on stage now?" Jonah asked, his voice slightly slurred as it had been all night. "Fuckin'--"

Sydney stepped up and grabbed him by the shoulder, and Jonah groaned in pain.

"Whatever you were about to say? Don't."

"Agh! Fuckin' alright!" He said, trying unsuccessfully to shrug her hand off before ducking and pulling loose. "But don't blame me when we all get killed 'cause the bitch...." Jonah trailed off on his own, waving his hands. "Whatever," he finally finished, then stumbled off.

We all frowned in the direction he left.

"Y'know, we're gonna have to--"

"I know," I agreed, tucking myself more firmly into Brian. "But not tonight. Not at the con." I curled up my nose, thinking about the smell that had wafted off him when he'd bumped into us. "He's lit, but he isn't drunk. And I don't think the audience noticed anything wrong."

"Nothing more than usual," Adrian agreed, dropping down on the floor across from me and Brian and rolling water bottles our way. He gave our embrace a moment of attention, then just smiled and nodded. "But Syd's right. We have to figure something out."

"Leigh's right too, though," Brian said, squeezing me again. "Not at the convention. Not before we get home. Too much that can go wrong."

Adrian and Syd both nodded.

"Besides that, it needs to be the whole group, not just us."

"Kick 'im," Deidre said, walking by us with one of the other crew. "Bastard stepped on the trail of my robe and ripped it."

I shook my head. "Come on guys. Not right now." I shifted uncomfortably, then looked up at Brian. "Maybe this was a bad idea."

Sydney laughed. "What, you two hooking up? About time if you ask me."

"Yeah, but what if Jonah's right and--"

"He isn't," Adrian assured us, standing back up. "I don't see you two changing anything about how you play just because you're out now."

"Out?" I asked, confused.

Syd laughed again, standing up as well. "Oh, come off it, Leigh. You and Brian have been a thing for years. Now you even have the rings to make it official."

"They're not actually--"

I flinched as a loud beep echoed across the stage.

"Break's over," Syd sighed, reaching down to help me up while Adrian offered the same to Brian. "But don't worry, I'll tell you everything about how obvious you've been after the game."

"Everything?" I questioned her.

"Obvious?" Brian chipped in, giving me a look that was one part amused, one part curious.

I would have asked more questions, but there was another beep over the loudspeaker, followed by one of the staff warning us on our earpieces that our mics would go live in less than a minute.

Questions would have to wait: it was time for more game.

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