Monkey Business by Melanie Brown (Patreon)

Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2023

I got showered in dirt as the bike blasted around the berm. I guess I was standing a bit too close. But I just grinned and wiped the dirt from me. Another bike roared through the curve, throwing up another rooster tail of dirt. My friend from high school, Colin, on his Husky blasting around the curve, closing in on the second-place bike.

It was another Saturday afternoon at Race World. There was just the motocross today, but the venue has three dirt tracks, motocross, flat track/sprint car and one that combines dirt and concrete, and a paved area for staging drag races and a small road race track. Watching the riders bump over the washboards or go flying through the air, all crossed up, would get me all worked up. I’d love to be out there on the track.

My dad won’t let me. Or really, more specifically, my mom won’t.

It was just two summers ago when racing BMX at this same track, I crashed and somehow managed to break my arm. After that, Mom put her foot down and told me my racing days are over. My dad won’t even buy me a dirt bike for trail riding. So, for now, without a bike, I’m just a spectator.

I felt someone standing next to me. I looked over and saw my friend Nick. He graduated last year, but we still hang out. And he’s a racer.

Squinting into the sun, I looked up at him. “Hey, Nick. What’s up?”

He grinned. “Same as you, Randy, I suspect.” Shading his eyes with the palm of his right hand, Nick peered across the track. “How is Colin doing?”

I shrugged. “He can’t seem to catch that dude on the KX450, so he’ll probably finish this moto in third place. Again.”

“Do you know him? The dude on the KX450?”

I just shook my head.

Nick said, “He’s a good rider. I bet you could catch him, though.”

I frowned. “Don’t start. You know my parents won’t allow me to race. I would love to get into racing in the worst way. What about you? Are you racing tomorrow?”

Nick looked down at the ground. “I kinda doubt it.”

That surprised me. “Oh?” Nick almost never missed a chance to race side hack. The bikes had a sidecar attached where a second person, known as the monkey, would throw themselves around to keep the bike from rolling over and keep all the wheels on the ground. “Is something wrong?”

Nick scowled. “You know Susie, right? The bitch decided to break up with me. She even left town.”  For the past year, Susie would ride with Nick on races. They were an almost unbeatable team. The side-hack races Nick participated in were dirt track and got a bit wild. He couldn’t afford a TT street sidecar race bike.

My eyes widened. “But Nick! Tomorrow is the start of the new circuit! If you don’t race tomorrow, you’ll be out of the running.”

Nick frowned deeply. “Don’t you think I know that? But side-hack racing requires two people, and I seem to be a monkey short.” He looked at me for a moment. “You want to get into racing?”

I laughed humorlessly. “Like I said, in the worst way.”

Nick grinned at me. “You’re about the same size as Susie. Actually, a little smaller. She left her leathers at my place. Interested?”

I grinned at Nick. “Hell yeah! I could race and not need my own bike.  But aren’t Susie’s leathers women’s? And… and pink?”

Nick laughed. “Well, you did say you wanted to race in the worst way!”

I laughed. “I did say that, didn’t I? Man. Ever since last summer when I helped Tompkins race side-hack I’ve wanted to get back in. But women’s leathers?”

Nick nodded. “You helped him win a race if I remember. But he’s not in open class. Do you even have your own set of leathers?”

I frowned as I shook my head.

Nick nodded. “Without leathers, if you take a spill, you’re likely to take all your hide off. Then your mother will have my hide.” He chuckled.

“Do you really think Susie’s leathers will fit me?”

Nick laughed. “They might even be too big on you.”

I shook my head. “I don’t care, man. I want to race with you tomorrow. You can replace me after that. But at least you won’t miss tomorrow’s race.”

Nick groaned. “Your mother will kill me.”

Laughing, I said, “Won’t be the first time! Come on, man. Let me race with you!”

Nick chuckled. “Okay. Okay. Come over later this evening, and we’ll see how the leathers fit. Don’t get me in trouble.”

With a broad grin, I said, “I won’t tell Mom. See you later tonight.”

*  *  *

“Well, how do I look?” I did a little pirouette in front of Nick after I had managed to squeeze myself into a set of very pink leathers. It was annoying that the zipper on the pants was on the side instead of in front.

Nick’s grin was a mile wide. “Wow. That’s all I can say. You look super hot in those leathers. Here. Put this on too. Susie always wore it around her neck.” He handed me a pink scarf.

I fumbled with the scarf for a moment before finally getting it tied around my neck. I picked up the pink, full-face helmet and rolled it in my hands for a moment. “She sure liked pink.” There was a pink ribbon attached to the top of the helmet.

“I’d better make sure I can wear this.”  I pulled on the straps to make the helmet a bit wider and pulled it down over my head. I then poked the loose strands of my long blonde hair out of my face and into the helmet.

Grinning, Nick said, “You look great. I’d swear it was Susie standing in front of me.”

I looked down my front. The leathers were an amazing fit. “Hey, you know. I’m not trying to be Susie. I’m just using her leathers, so I don’t have to buy any.” I pulled the helmet off.

Nick laughed. “Hate to break it to you, bud, but you’re actually sexier than Susie. I have to admit that until now, with you dressed like that and the way your hair is, I never realized how pretty you are.”

I frowned at Nick. “Knock it off, man.”

Chuckling, Nick said, “Serious, dude. If you were to smile and wear some make-up, you’d be gorgeous.”

I shook my head. “Keep your dick in your pants, Nick. I’m not wearing make-up.

Nick laughed. “Hey, have you eaten yet?”

“Not yet.”

“A group of racers usually meet up at Bart’s Burgers on Saturday nights. Let’s go.”

I gave Nick a wry grin. “A burger joint? Really? I figured all you tough biker dudes would meet at The Black Cat Lounge along with the rednecks.”

Nick belted a laugh. “Dude, most of us are under twenty-one. Grab your skid-lid, and let’s go.”

“Can’t we take your truck? And I need to change. You said yourself I look like a girl.”

He grabbed his helmet. “Who cares? Let’s go.” He walked over to his vintage 1979 Honda CBX. You don’t see many of these six-cylinder beasts on the road anymore. Nick keeps it in showroom condition. All six cylinders sounded awesome when he started it up.

As I slipped the helmet straps through the D-rings, I said. “I look like an ad for Pepto-Bismol.”

Nick pointed to the seat behind him and chuckled. “Susie said the same thing. Hop on.” He revved the engine a few times.

It was only a fifteen-minute ride to Bart’s Burgers. I wished it had taken longer. It was a beautiful summer night, and there was just something sexy about straddling that vintage superbike.

There were a ton of bikes parked around the burger joint, with guys and girls all decked out in leather and mingling among the bikes. A similar crowd was inside. I jumped off as Nick popped the side stand down as he parked next to a few other superbikes like a newly restored KZ1.

After getting off his bike, Nick pointed at me and asked, “Cheeseburger and Dr. Pepper okay?”

Through my helmet, I protested, “I can get my own, Nick.”

Waving me off, he said, “I got it.” He turned and stepped quickly inside Bart’s.

I sighed as I removed my helmet and set it on one of the mirrors. When I shook my hair out, as it tends to get squished inside the helmet, an absolute bombshell of a girl walked up to me. She was every boy’s wet dream, tight leathers, legs that went all the way up and long, flowing black hair. She was a goddess.

To me, she said, “Hey… oh. I thought you were Susie.”

I gave her a nervous smile and shrugged. “Susie’s gone. I’m Randy.”

Flashing me a knowing wry smile, she said, “I bet you are. Congrats on snagging Nick. He’s quite the catch. Oh, and the name is Mary, but everyone calls me Scratch.” I didn’t want to know how she got her nickname. She looked me up and down. “I have to say. You fill those leathers out much better than Susie did. Are you racing with him tomorrow?”

I nodded. “It should be exciting. Are you racing tomorrow?”

She shook her head. “Naw. My boyfriend, Cory, over there…” she pointed “… is a flat-tracker. He won the South West Regionals last year.”

I said, “Nick races flat-track too.”

Scratch nodded. “Nice to meet you, Randi. I’m going to see what Cory is up to.” She waved as she turned. I watched her walk away. Cory is one lucky son of a bitch.

I got a little nervous waiting for Nick’s return with a dozen guys staring at me. Then I realized they were probably looking at Nick’s bike. Several of the women stopped by and introduced themselves.

Nick finally stepped out of Bart’s and motioned that I join him at an outside table. I wormed my way over to him, surprised at how all the guys courteously stepped aside to make room for me. That’s never happened before.

As I sat next to him, Nick asked, “Sorry to take so long. It was like a zoo in there.”

I shrugged. “No problem. I got to meet several of your friends’ girlfriends. I told you I should have changed. Every one of them thought I was a chick.”

Looking annoyed, Nick said, “Everyone seems to be thinking that. Doug, who usually won’t talk to me, came up to me and says, ‘You better treat that little girl right, or I’m gonna kick your ass and take her from you.’ Can you imagine?”

I took a bite of my cheeseburger, which was pretty good, actually, and said, “Yeah, that’s crazy.” I studied Nick for a few moments while I chewed. “Why would he say that?”

Nick shrugged. “Who the hell knows?”

I put my burger down and asked, “Why did Susie leave? Did you not treat her right?”

Nick narrowed his eyes at me. “What? Man, who knows?” He took a bite of his burger and stared at his plate a few moments. He looked over at me. “Okay, I might have yelled at her a few times. She kept making stupid mistakes.” He took another bite of his cheeseburger.

I picked up my cheeseburger and held it for a moment. I set it back down. “Are you going to yell at me?”

He gave me an odd look. “Do you plan on making stupid mistakes?”

“I hope not.”

Nick finished off his burger. “Well, there you go.”

I nibbled on my burger a few minutes before finally finishing it off.

For the next hour, Nick chatted with his racing buddies. I got to visit with most of their girlfriends. They gave me a lot of helpful tips, like dealing with Nick, make-up choices, and letting me know that if I just smiled more and wore a little make-up, I’d be very pretty.

Instead of getting pissed at being mistaken for a girl, I just found it fun to get to talk to all those cute girls and was accepted into their group. Before today, some girl would inevitably say, “Get lost, runt.”

After we got back to his house, Nick told me to be back in the morning at nine to help load the truck.

*  *  *

I arrived at the appointed time and started tossing items we’ll need into the back of Nick’s truck. It didn’t take long to remove the sidecar from his bike so we could load the bike trailer. I had changed into my leathers before we left his garage.

Nick drove his truck into a space among the other racers. I found it a bit unnerving to see a bunch of boys grinning at me.

Nick told me to be ready to hold the bike as he popped the ties so we could roll it off the trailer. A couple of boys walked up and practically pushed me out of the way and took my position.

“You weren’t actually going to make her do that, were you, Nick?” asked the boy who was now standing where I was with a grip on the handlebars. “It could fall over on top of her.”

Placing my hands on my hips in a show of defiance, I said, “I’m perfectly capable of doing that!”

The second boy that had walked over said, “Sure you are, sugar. But why risk it, right?”

I’m not helpless, I thought as I folded my arms and frowned.  I jumped when Nick released the front straps compressing the front forks into the rail holding the wheel. Both boys laughed.

Nick and the boy who took my place rolled the bike off the trailer. Nick looked up and said, “Hey, thanks, guys.”

The boys who helped grinned at me. “Anytime.”

Without asking for me, Nick grunted as he began to remove the sidecar from the back of the pickup. I folded my arms and said, “Don’t I get to help?”

As he set the sidecar on the ground next to the bike, Nick said, “If you want to help, bring me a twelve-millimeter out of my toolbox.”

I guessed I could handle that. I opened the lid of his toolbox which allowed me to pull out the drawers. It took a couple of tries to find the drawer with the wrenches. I pulled one out and took it over to Nick. He took it without looking at it.

He placed the wrench and gave it a hard pull to crack the nut loose. The wrench immediately slipped off, causing his hand to slam into the bike’s frame. Nick howled in pain.

Shaking his hurt hand, Nick picked the wrench off the ground. He scowled at it as he shook it at me. “Damn! This is a fourteen, you stupid bitch! Don’t you know the difference between twelve and fourteen?”

He angrily threw the wrench into the toolbox drawer and extracted a different one. He held it up to me. “See the little twelve? That’s your clue. As long as you’ve been around bikes, you should be able to judge the size just by looking.”

“I’m sorry, Nick! I could have sworn I’d grabbed the twelve!” I took a few steps towards him. “Are you hurt? Your knuckle’s bleeding.”

In a mocking voice, Nick said, “Of course I’m hurt. But I’ll live. Probably.” He pulled a grimy red shop rag from his hip pocket and wiped the blood from his hand.

Doug walked up and looked between me and Nick. “Is everything okay over here, Randi?” I sighed. I really don’t need a knight in shining armor.

Nick jabbed a finger toward Doug. “Cheeze, man! Are you going to stick your nose into our shit every time she screws up?” He referred to me as ‘she’. Maybe I should just go home.

Doug shrugged. “I was just checking that everything’s okay.” He looked at me.

I said, “Thanks for your concern, Doug. But everything’s fine. Everyone knows what a hothead Nick is. That’s why he wins races.”

Nick frowned at me. “You don’t have to defend me. Look. I’m sorry I yelled. Right now, I need your help in attaching the sidecar.”

*  *  *

Maybe this was a bad idea?

I stood crouched; all my muscles tensed as I held tightly on the railing of the sidecar.  I repositioned my goggles so they were snug over my eyes. I have to admit that I was very excited hearing the roaring of the big bore engines waiting to be released. There was the loud clunk as Nick held the clutch and dropped the transmission down into first gear. I knew his vision had narrowed down to the rubber band stretched in front of the bikes, waiting to see it released.

I tightened my grip on the railing as I crouched and clenched all my muscles. I watched the rubber band pop across my vision as Nick revved the engine and released the clutch. The front wheel lifted from the ground, and I could just imagine the rooster tail of dirt behind us. I was pulled back hard, but I maintained my grip on the bar.

I threw my weight into the first turn. Whoever was the monkey on the bike in front of me lost their grip and slid off the sidecar and into the dirt. The bike tumbled end over end. Nick expertly dodged the wrecked bike and opened his throttle wider.

Anticipating the next turn, I threw myself against the railing and arched my back as far as I could over the railing. My head was close to the ground, and I gritted my teeth, watching the dirt dash beneath my head. The track climbed upwards, and I had to toss my body against another rail to keep the front wheel in the dirt. A ribbon of dirt pounded into me.

I almost lost my grip when hitting a berm launched us off the ground and tossed me unexpectedly over the rail. It was all I could do to keep from falling off the sidecar.

As I pulled myself back up, I had to lean hard into a curve as Nick powered through it, the spinning rear wheel sliding us through the curve and showering me with mud.

Nick stood up on the footpegs and waved his arms as we coasted to a stop. He pushed the mud from his visor and lifted it. Grinning, he shouted, “Great work, babe! We won!” I slid down to sit on the platform of the side car and gave Nick a thumbs up.

I was exhausted. Only five more heats to go…

*   *  *

As the afternoon drew late, all the teams gathered around the officials’ table, waiting for the results. We were all tired, hot, sweaty and covered in dirt. I almost didn’t care who won as long as I could hit a shower soon.

As they were setting out the trophies on the table and before they announced the winners, a race official pointed at me and shouted, “Hey! You. The little girl in pink. Come up here and help us hand out the trophies.”

There was applause and several shouts of “Get up there, Randi!”

I looked over at Nick, and he just grinned, pointed at the trophy table and said, “Go!”

Embarrassed all to hell, I flashed a weak smile and got up next to the table. The trophies went from 100cc class up to the open class that Nick raced in.

The first racer to be presented a trophy was a teen, and I have to say, despite being as sweaty and dirty as the rest of us was kind of cute. There was applause as he took his trophy and held it up in the air. He was directed off the stage. Before he left the stage, he stopped and shouted, “Don’t I get a kiss?” Holy crap. He didn’t just say that did he?

Whistles and whooping rose in volume. All eyes were on me. I wanted to run away. Nick and several of his buddies were grinning. I took a deep breath, stood on my tip toes and kissed the boy’s cheek to even more cheers.

And so it went. As each winner was announced, I kissed them on the cheek, including the one girl winner. We both grinned at each other.

And then we finally got to the biggest trophy for the biggest race. Everyone knew the trophy would go to either Nick or Doug. Both competed fiercely with each other to win a hard-fought race.

The official said, “And finally, we’re down to the winner of open class side-hack races. This beautiful trophy goes to…” He paused to wink at me. “The trophy goes to…Well, shit, man. We have a tie! Nick Wilson and Doug Ashton!” There was applause and cheering. I grinned and clapped for both.

Doug punched Nick in the shoulder and then shook his hand. They both climbed onto the stage, and I handed each a large trophy. Nick and Doug both held their trophy up high to cheers and applause. Nick smirked at me and raised an eyebrow.

I whispered, “I don’t have to kiss you if you don’t want me to.”

He laughed. “You don’t get off that easy.” He started to put his arm around me, but in a heartbeat, Doug bent me backward and planted a deep, toe-curling romantic kiss on me. I had to gasp for air. I couldn’t help myself as I put my arm around his neck and kissed him back to the roar, cheering and applause from the crowd. Nick frowned.

This was going to be an interesting summer…

The End

Special thanks to Mel E. for inspiration.