Early Access: It's Okay To Not Be Okay E1 (Patreon)

E1. I was wondering where I'd land, with the apparent controversy surrounding the extreme mean behavior of our female lead, and as it turns out, context really is everything, after all.

I can see how seeing snippets of her scenes could turn someone away from wanting to watch this show, because it would feel like buying into or supporting dysfunctional behavior that is cruel or unsympathetic to others. However, with context in place, it's easier to accept Moon Young. She's not cruel or cynical because she was born that way; she doesn't have a missing chip in her brain. She's a victim, of apparently both her parents.

We see in flashback that her father had tried to kill her by strangulation, whens she'd been a young girl, and how that memory can still be triggered today. We also see from the opening animation, a heavy hint that she's suffered from emotional abuse from her mother, since the girl in the animation is called a monster by her mother, whom she refers to as "the shadow of death." Piecing this all together, I already feel like Moon Young is a product of highly dysfunctional parenting, and suffered emotionally, physically and mentally, under the so-called care of her parents. It's not hard to make the leap to believe that she'd grow up to be this sardonic, cold and cynical, having survived all of that. And, it's also sobering to realize that there was a chance that she wouldn't have survived, literally.

With that context in place, even though we don't yet know all the details, I already see Moon Young as a victim in need of healing. She appears to be powerful in the way that she tramples on others, but I'm guessing that underneath, there are a lot of wounds that need to be tended to, in order for her to truly gain personal power; the power to overcome, the power to rise above, and the power to attain happiness, just like she writes, in her book.

Kim Soo Hyun is immediately fantastic as Kang Tae. There's such a clearness in Kang Tae's eyes, despite all that he goes through. He's not without emotion, and we see Sang Tae observe Kang Tae's anger at Sang Tae being expelled from the vocational school. But, the moment he catches sight of his brother and turns his attention to him, all the anger melts away, and he only has kindness in his gaze, and gentleness in his voice, as he asks Sang Tae what he'd like to eat.

That ability - and that desire - to treat Sang Tae with preciousness, despite the hardship of taking care of a mentally disabled sibling, is deeply moving to witness. Kang Tae's patience and love for Sang Tae looks to be rock solid, and that foundation never moves, regardless of the shifting, difficult circumstances of their livelihood. With this alone, Kang Tae has my heart. There's something so pure about him, like he's almost a mystical being not of this earth; he's that special.

On a shallow side note, Kim Soo Hyun is in excellent shape, and Show gives us an obligatory shirtless scene. What I do appreciate - besides how sculpted Kim Soo Hyun looks, eee! - is how matter-of-fact the shirtless scene is. It's not gratuitous - at least, it's not immediately apparent - but feels like it's organic to the story, and we see how Kang Tae bears scars from his past injuries, likely sustained on the job. Also, there's something very attractive about how Kang Tae seems so indifferent to how he looks. There's no vanity about him, and I find that very appealing.

Oh Jung Se is quite extraordinary as Sang Tae. He's quite the chameleon, in that I've seen him in such a vast variety of roles, but watching him as Sang Tae, I fully believe that he is Sang Tae, developmentally challenged, nervous and fidgety, yet also loving and childlike. Sang Tae's outbursts when he gets anxious, tense and skittish, and talks a mile a minute in circles, is really so well done. I feel like I can hear the nervousness in Sang Tae's voice, as he rattles on, in an apparent attempt to self-soothe. It's heartbreaking to see his limitations make his world so small, and at the same time, it's truly sweet to see him understand that he's Kang Tae's hyung, and offer to buy him dinner.

I'm not quite thrilled at the childhood connection that Show is hinting at, because that's quite tropey and overdone, and this drama feels fresh and interesting in so many ways, that it feels like a cop-out of sorts, to include the childhood connection trope. That said, I'm intrigued at Kang Tae's statement, that he'd liked the girl whose gaze Moon Young reminds him of, who'd been messed up and without conscience. I'm sure he didn't like the girl because of those qualities, coz that would make him messed up. I'm guessing that he liked her in spite of how she was, and now I'm curious to know more about what drew him to her. Could he see that she was hurting underneath it all, even then?

The chemistry between our leads is very promising, right off the bat. Both Kim Soo Hyun and Seo Ye Ji bring a great deal of presence onto the screen, and combined, their energy feels well-balanced. So far, the vibe between them is charged and pregnant with possibility. She seems quite wowed by his visuals, at least, and makes no effort to hide her appreciation, while he seems intrigued by her. And he's not making much of an effort to hide that either. I was taken by surprise, when Kang Tae said that he'd come to the company, in the hope of seeing her again. I thought he'd come by, because the editor had asked him to. I'm curious to see how this connection develops, particularly because both parties seem to be approaching it with a measure of boldness.

The show itself feels dark yet pretty, and the opening animation feels grim yet whimsical at the same time. Vibe-wise, it's kinda like fairytale goth? That feel permeates the rest of the drama as well, I feel like. Everything is very polished and beautiful to look at, but because Moon Young favors such a dark palette, the beauty takes on that fairytale goth-like vibe as well.

So far, I'm pretty impressed with how Show seems to present the various facets of mental illness with deftness, confidence, and what feels like understanding. Patients struggling to make sense of the world; patients struggling to even muster up the will to live; patients traumatized by deep-seated fears that they aren't quite able to articulate. And then there are people who suffer from the effects of mental illness, who seem to exist outside of the medical system. There's Sang Tae, who is cared for at home, and there's Moon Young, who's definitely carrying a lot of unspoken wounds.

I feel like it says a lot about Moon Young, that she wrote that book where the moral of the story is that you need to overcome your bad memories and negative emotions, in order to become happy. At this moment, it already feels like some kind of mantra for herself. I feel like her aloof, sardonic persona belies a deep-held desire to overcome her bad memories and achieve happiness.

I have an inkling that Show will be working on having Moon Young overcome her trauma, with Kang Tae helping her, and I'm hoping that Show will handle this with nuance, and allow that healing to feel organic and believable instead of magical and convenient.